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I haven't been on much. DH's homecoming was last month and we just moved into our new place and we're getting settled in.<br><br>
I've been thinking lately. Do you mamas worry about favoritism when it comes to your rainbow babies? I feel like I have this special bond with Henry. He's such a joy. Total mama's boy. Grace is a daddy's girl and Evey is still a mama's girl.<br><br>
Is it normal to have a special bond or connection with your rainbow baby? I know many talk about having a "favorite" as a bad thing.
 

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So good to see you! You know I don't think it's so much about favortism as it is appreciation, if that makes sense. I know after my loss and finding out I was pg again, all I could think was that "if this baby just makes it, I will" and fill in the blanks. I love my other boys with all my heart of course, but I do feel like with Elias he does have a set aside place in my heart just b/c I never wanted someone so much and to have him really is amazing considering how you look at kids pre-loss. I don't know if that makes sense, but I guess since I spent those 9 months worrying and waiting and wanting, that to have him here now and watching him grow is just so amazing since I am so much more in tune with him. Maybe it does sound kind of bad, but yes I think it's a different knd of bond that separates him a little from the others. I love them all equally, but I am definitely appreciative for my Elias. And now I feel that way being pregnant with Bella now - after 3 boys we're finally having our girl, so that makes her special in her own way too. It's tough to feel all those feelings as a mom, but I think it's also totally normal. Just enjoy it all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Hi Britt! It's nice to see you!<br><br>
I worry, too, about appearing to favor Edelweiss. Since our rainbow baby is also our first girl, there is an added dimension to our enthrallment with her. I do recognize that each newborn is temporarily the "favorite" for a while so it is natural that he or she receives the lion's share of attention and adoration. We are all still in that phase now.<br><br>
I do wonder what it will be like for her to live as our dream come true. All of our children were wanted and lovingly conceived but she is different. We had all but stopped believing we would ever have another baby. Our boys are thrilled with her. The grandparents, cousins and friends are thrilled. So many people hoped for her and prayed for her. It must be the same with your Henry. I often think about what it must be like to be so intensely longed for and loved before you even arrive. Are they aware? Do they sense that love?<br><br>
We will have to be mindful not to send Edelweiss the message that she is "more special" or even worse, somehow fragile. We want to raise a confident, self-assured woman so we will have to treat her accordingly. I assume she and I will always have a unique relationship because she is my only girl but my middle-man, Truman, is definitely momma's boy. It will be interesting to see how the relationships develop over the years.<br><br>
When one of the boys says, "I love Edelweiss!" I remember to say "She loves you, too!" instead of "So do I!" I tell the boys lots of stories about what we did with them when they were this age or funny things they did when a new baby came, etc. I hope they don't feel anymore than the normal new sibling jealousy.<br><br>
My losses were early and her birth was traumatic so I try to keep my story separate from Edelweiss' story. She is just a regular baby who happened to be born after three losses. We will tell her someday how much we wanted her and how hard it was to get her. When she is a grown woman, I will share my journal from the past 2 years with her.<br><br>
There is no denying that our experiences contribute to how we feel about her. I have to be careful so my boys' feelings aren't hurt and so I don't raise a child who feels entitled or hamstrung. That shouldn't be too hard <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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There is never anything wrong with having a special connection with any child, for any reason. It is what it is. There is a certain appreciation for a child whom you've prayed about for a long time and then went through a PAL pregnancy with. It's already not the same. I imagine that I'll "spoil" this baby even more than I did the others, and well, I'm not going to apologize to anyone, not even myself for that. She's also our last, so I know that is also part of it.<br><br>
That said, and I'm not there yet with my rainbow baby....14 more weeks to go!... I think you always need to be mindful like K said about how you express that connection. Kwim? I also know that I'm much more mindful already on what a miracle ALL of my living children are after my losses.<br><br>
I'm so happy that you are enjoying your rainbow baby.
 

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With Toby, it's the whole wide-eyed, cute newborn thing, irrespective of him being a rainbow. I love the "little" baby days and I am so, so enjoying his wide eyed wonder and enthusiasm for the world - it is redemptive. He has given us so much joy. My older two are just that - older (5 & 7) so they share the whole Tobias-worship thing with us. But, you know, when Emma died, they were the reason I got out of bed in the morning, they were the ones who could make me smile, they were the ones who made me believe life was still good. I never, ever, asked them to be my healers - that would be so unfair - but they have been and I don't think they will ever truly know how much my love for them saved me. So, it's not favourtism exactly just appreciation for my many blessings.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jtrt</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15419206"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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I worry, too, about appearing to favor Edelweiss. Since our rainbow baby is also our first girl, there is an added dimension to our enthrallment with her.</div>
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This is us, only our rainbow baby will be our first (living) son. Dd1 (who will be 9yo when he's born) expressed concern before that if the baby was a boy, dh would want to spend more time with him than her or the other girls. So I think we'll have to be mindful of that (though dh talked to her about it and she seems fine now, she was super excited to find out the baby is a boy!)<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">There is never anything wrong with having a special connection with any child, for any reason. It is what it is. There is a certain appreciation for a child whom you've prayed about for a long time and then went through a PAL pregnancy with. It's already not the same. I imagine that I'll "spoil" this baby even more than I did the others, and well, I'm not going to apologize to anyone, not even myself for that.</td>
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I agree with this, too. And I think there is a unique connection with each child, at least for us. I do think this baby will be more "spoiled" but not because we'll love him more, just because we appreciate and cherish this pregnancy in a way that we couldn't before we lost two.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Fireflyforever</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15432590"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">With Toby, it's the whole wide-eyed, cute newborn thing, irrespective of him being a rainbow. I love the "little" baby days and I am so, so enjoying his wide eyed wonder and enthusiasm for the world - it is redemptive. He has given us so much joy. My older two are just that - older (5 & 7) so they share the whole Tobias-worship thing with us. But, you know, when Emma died, they were the reason I got out of bed in the morning, they were the ones who could make me smile, they were the ones who made me believe life was still good. I never, ever, asked them to be my healers - that would be so unfair - but they have been and I don't think they will ever truly know how much my love for them saved me. So, it's not favourtism exactly just appreciation for my many blessings.</div>
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This just made me bawl today. I'm a bundle of nerves and fears right now & I just needed to read something like this. My living kids are what pulled me back to this life, more then I think they will ever realize.<br><br>
I think that this new little one will be special, will be spoiled, will be loved on extra much - by all of us in our family. My kids have grieved our Max so deeply & felt such loss & this baby will be redemptive for all of us. He/she will renew our hope. I think as a result we will all have a special bond with this rainbow baby.
 

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coming back to the boards after a hiatus and so happy to see some rainbow babies here. I just wanted you all to know how much what you've written is touching me. in a deep way. I've been needing you all. more later.
 

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I can't say for sure yet, since I'm still in that "waiting to see if everything's going to be okay" stage. With baby's heart issues and this being my first pregnancy after my loss, I still don't let myself hope that everything is going to be okay. I don't dare.<br><br>
But I can definitely feel a different sense with this little one. And the fact that she is most definitely our last baby, I'd say she's got a pretty good chance of being spoiled. Not just by us, but by all the kids. They all wanted another sibling so badly and they're very excited to hold her and love on her.<br><br>
I agree with everything Fireflyforever said though. All my kids have been such a huge blessing. They were most definitely my little healers and the reason I was able to keep going after losing Lily. All the kids have come to mean more, or at least different things than they did before. Like having a new appreciation, or an increased appreciation for every moment we have together.
 
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