[Arduinna]

Suggestions for talking to kids about the importance of being intact. This came up becuase my dd is an only and during sex education talks I included that circing is not something we do in our family.

what have you said to your kids to help ensure we have intact grandkids?

 

[MonicaS]

I haven't said anything, b/c my DDs are too little yet. However, I intend to discuss this issue along w/ breastfeeding, childbirth, etc so that they will grow up knowing the facts. I grew up KNOWING mammals breastfeed. Just that basic opinion got me through so much when I was a new nursing mom.

The closest we came to a circ talk so far is when I mentioned to my oldest that I was sad b/c *insert friend's name* was having her baby boy circumcised at that moment. She said, "oh no.

" She can't possibly know what circumcision means, but the way she said it was sweet. My children will definitely know how wrong circ is before they even get close to having kids.

 

[Frankly Speaking]

If it doesn't come up before, around age 10 or 12, just tell them what it is and why you don't do it. Kids are very malleable at that age and accept much of what a parent tells them. Older than that and they get in the rebellious stage and you can't tell them any thing.

OK, I just made myself laugh! I worked with a guy once that had a Harvard MBA. The joke going around was that you can tell a Harvard MBA, but you can't tell him much! :LOL The same is true of teenagers.

Frank

 

[A&A]

Well, I have anti-circ bumper stickers and I just ordered an anti-circ license frame. Also, my dd sees me posting on THIS BOARD all of the time, and she hears me talking about how unnecessary circ is to other parents. I've told her what circ is and she, of course, was appalled and glad we didn't do that to her brother! My ds will become aware of my intactivism as he grows older, as well.

Some day we are going to Genital Integrity Week when the kids are older.

Also, it's very important that your intact sons realize that it wasn't just some "choice" you made to leave them intact. (Even if it felt like a choice to you at the time.) They need to know that you protected their GENITAL INTEGRITY and no one, absolutely no one, has the right to cut them unnecessarily, especially in such a private part.

 

[Evergreen]

My youngest sister is eleven. Yesterday she accompanied me to the hospital where a friend of mine from school had just delivered a baby boy. I mentioned to her that I wanted to get there in the morning before he was circumcised (I tried and tried to save him but to no avail). She asks what a circ is, and I explained it as best a possible (she has never seen a penis, even a baby one).

My sis was horrified! She asked why anyone would do that, and I told her that my friend and her husband think it looks nicer. She said, "That is a terrible reason" and asked if it hurt the baby. I told her yes and explained about the procedure, the inadequate anesthesia, and how he would have to pee on his wound. She was very upset. Then she finally said, "I think it would look weirder with part of it missing."

 

[Arduinna]

Frank, as much as I respect you I think you are selling teens short by implying that they wouldn't get the anti circ message as they are going through a rebellious stage.

 

[LavenderMae]

I have told my dd (7yrs) what a circ is and why we think it is wrong. When I told her about it she asked why anyone would do something so stupid. Hmmmm good question!! She was also sad that her daddy had it done to him. She has told me she would never to that to her baby. My son will definitely know what he has and why it's good he has it!!!

 

[Frankly Speaking]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arduinna Frank, as much as I respect you I think you are selling teens short by implying that they wouldn't get the anti circ message as they are going through a rebellious stage.

I just know that in the mid teens, peer influence becomes a very strong factor. If you have provided a strong base of knowledge, not just for genital integrity but for everything, they will tend to question that peer influence and arrive at their own conclusions. It is absolutely normal for them to start asserting their independence in their early teens and at that point, they are very vulnerable to influence from those other than their parents. A solid base of information beore they reach this point will help them make wise and well considered decisions throughout their life.

We see the evidence of it right here on this board. There are so many parents who come here with preconceived notions about circumcision that it is apparent that the parents did not establish a firm base of knowledge. this includes intact men and wives of intact men and brothers and sisters of intact men and sons and daughters of intact men who intend to circumcise. It is clearly apparent that these parents did not provide the supportive information their children needed and the information they have recieved is from peers.

The time to plant the message seed is in the pre-teen years when there isn't the competition from peers. I'm not saying that teens can not get the message, just that they will be much better prepared to deal with conflicting messages from peers and much more apt to accept the message as absolute truth. We see it here. As young adults, many see the message and consult with friends instead of consulting with the parents.

Frank

 

[TigerTail]

i dunno, frank, my dd will rebel from my opinion in every way possible, but she can see the truth about bfing and circ'ing (and tells her friends.) maybe you are selling them short

it's pretty obvious once you think about it.

suse

 

[Arduinna]

Frank, that really sounded like a blurb from child "expert" book.

That description doesn't fit my teen at all. She is actually rational and capable of making an informed decision. She doesn't just automatically disagree with everything her parents say. Maybe that is because she hasn't been raised to just blindly do what she is told by her parents and then feel the need to rebel by blindly doing what her friends tell her.

One of the benefits of AP and also homeschooling IMO. That or maybe I just have the freak teenager?

 

[house elf]

I was 16 when I became anti-circ.. just a thought!

 

[Frankly Speaking]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arduinna Frank, that really sounded like a blurb from child "expert" book. That description doesn't fit my teen at all. She is actually rational and capable of making an informed decision. She doesn't just automatically disagree with everything her parents say. Maybe that is because she hasn't been raised to just blindly do what she is told by her parents and then feel the need to rebel by blindly doing what her friends tell her. One of the benefits of AP and also homeschooling IMO. That or maybe I just have the freak teenager?

Go give her a huge hug and kiss and don't let her near any other teens! :LOL

I remember my own "teenhood" and I was very rebellious. My parents never would have guessed it because I was very sneaky about it.

Frank

 

[Arduinna]

well, thinking about it, it must be the homeschooling.

 

[Frankly Speaking]

I have an idea that it has a lot to do with some very wise and intelligent parents instilling high values into her starting at a very young age. That's what I've been talking about. Instilling those values early to launch her into a successful adult life. It sure helps with teen life too! I believe if you wait until they are teens, you've pretty much missed the opportunity.

Frank

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

i've been thinking about this issue lately because ds1 (age six) has had a little bit of pain at the tip of his penis and we've been telling him he should carefully pull back the skin gently (only as far as it EASILY goes) and make sure he cleans it with water during bathing. is the foreskin supposed to retract by now? anyway that's OT, but my two oldest were asking what the foreskin was and why we didn't know about it and dh is circed so we had to explain about cutting off that part of the penis because people think it looks bad or will get dirty and ds1 and ds2 looked DISGUSTED. they kept wanting to know why and looked SCARED too. they wanted to know why dh was and were glad we did not do this to them.

it just confirms i need more info than the articles in mothering to talk to my intact boys....

 

[Frankly Speaking]

Two thirds of 6 year old boys are retractile which means that a sizeable portion of them are not retractile. There is a good chance your son is not ready yet and also a good chance that one of his younger brothers will become retractile before he does. It's all in the range of normal.

I suspect that he is preparing to become retractile though. I suspect the pain he is experiencing is a few remaining normal adhesions that are trying to release. It's not an even process and there will be spots of adhesions with loose areas all around them. When the boy has an erection or his penis is in a bind in his underwear, there will be some pulling on these remaining adhesions causing slight discomfort. This will go away as the still attached areas release and he will become retractile.

As long as there is no sign of trauma or infection, there is nothing wrong. The foreskin is an incredibly sensitive structure much the same as the lips and if there is any problem at all, it will show up very quickly and will be very apparent, just like a fat lip after a minor blow.

Frank