I can relate to the roller coaster of emotions that go along with sharing your bed with an infant/toddler/preschooler. There were times when I was pregnant that all I wanted to do at the end of the day was climb into bed and snuggle between my boys. For about 5 months (including when we were in CA for 6 wks) they shared a queen size bed. It was a great feeling to fall asleep with one on each side either a leg or arm thrown over you. Peaceful, complete, totally comfortable with being a mama of two precious precocious boys.
Then there are the days when I long for kids that get up and walk into their bedroom and go to sleep when you tell them "It is now bedtime!" No whining, no crying, no refusing to go pee first, no "mommy lay with me", no "it's too dark" or "it's to light" or "my toys scare me". Or any number of other creative stalling tactics they have devised to stay up just a few minutes longer, and get just a little bit more of my or daddy's attention and energy. And while I love them and know that this time in their lives is but a short short blink of an eye when compared to the time we have them in our home, there are days when sharing your sleeping space with a squirmy, loud breathing, sharp elbowed toddler just plain sucks.
So they are out of our bed, our boys. Into bunkbeds and their own room. I admit I go in each night after they are asleep and ruffle their hair and kiss their foreheads and cheeks. I even lie down next to one of them sometimes for a bit just to feel the warmth of his little form next to me again. I miss them or at least the thought of them in my bed. It is over for now, the soft whispers of "I love you mommy" in the darkness. At least until the next bad dream.
Now I am back to square one with a newborn. Back to sleeping very light and always aware of her breathing, her position in my space, her needs. I have fallen back into that rhythm of waking, latching, snuggling, sleeping, that ruled my nights for so long before Colton weaned. And once again I love that I have chosen to share my bed, my space, my nights and my heart with my child.
Thanks for "listening" to my ramblings.....now I am off to tuck them in.....
N~
