[Sarihah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hunnybumm I don't think any child should have food withheld and especially not as a punishment, but a two year old? I would have a hard time not saying something.

I'm right there with you. Food is a requirement for life, and our children are dependent upon us to provide them with sustenance. Manipulating them by exploiting their dependence is such a ridiculous thing to do.

What you'll decide about your group is tricky to me, and I'll tell you why. If you remove yourself from the group you remove your influence, however small, in these children's lives. Over time, children can be deeply impacted by observing adults who do things differently.

My own sister does so many things with her children that I know any child psychologist would tell you are absolutely horrible. She is bull headed and won't listen to anyone. Saying something only causes her to cut off contact with her kids for a period of time, sometimes a long time. Then the children are robbed of the influence of spending time in a home where respect of ALL members is just a way of life. As much as I intensely dislike my sister, and I have to be honest, I do, I don't get involved much because it's a fruitless endeavor when I do. I just hope to show the children another way. In my own life, seeing another way was enough to start me on a completely different path that broke the cycle for my daughter and hopefully for all of my descendents.

I know this is different, because this is my SISTER, but it's just something that I throw out there for your consideration.

 

[Sarihah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by abac Sarihah, everything you said. Your sister sounds very much like mine.

I feel for you abac. It's one of the most painful aspects of my life, and totally out of my control.

 

[Sarihah]

I think my daughter appreciates me more because of the contrast between our way of life and the ways of people around us. Without question, she realizes that there are a lot of mothers who do things very differently than I do, and she articulates her satisfaction with our home and our lives in ways that are extremely precious and gratifying to me.

 

[Sarihah]

Did the OP's son witness this two year old being sent to bed without any dinner? I got the impression that the OP was told that this had happened, without being present at the time that it occurred.

If you decide to eschew contact with people who parent in ways that you are strongly opposed to, whether or not you are present when these parents do things that you know are wrong, what's left for you?

I don't know about you, and I hope I don't come off in an ugly way, but there aren't too many people in my world who parent the way that I think parenting should be done. I also know a lot of people in marriages and relationships that I don't think are very healthy for either the adults or the children. Maybe I live in a very dysfunctional corner of the world.

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But these people have other aspects to their beings, they aren't ONLY these negative characteristics and traits.

 

[Sarihah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain optimism Well, your milage may vary, as is the common expression---there are just some things that push my buttons, that exceed my tolerance. I could even handle a mom saying, "I potched him when he ran into the street" better than "she was being 'bad' so I sent her to bed without dinner."

Oh, I agree. I wouldn't nod vaguely or just sit there with a disapproving look on my face. But my goal would be to converse with the woman in such a way that she did not immediately become defensive and shut down. I can do this now, at this stage of my life, but it didn't come naturally to me. My Chinese astrology sign is the Tiger, and I would have really lashed out at a person who did something like this at one time in my life, but I think I know a better way to deal with it now.

By keeping the channels of communication open, I would hope to be able to influence her way of thinking and perhaps to offer alternatives that she had not considered...not to mention, maybe increase her awareness of what to expect of a two year old developmentally.

On a bit of a tangent, it amazes me how people will project adult motives onto a small child, seeing 'defiance' when the child is simply too young to be expected to have developed much impulse control.

 

[Sarihah]

Alicia622 said;I think such behavior requires a call to child protective.

I'd like to remind you of the OP's remarks regarding this mother.

Quote:

Originally Posted by goepark the bad parts are only one aspect of the whole picture. It's all greys. She is not a monster after all. She loves her kid, is very affectionate, praises to the heavens (that's another story), and really dotes on her dd. These things are also not my style except for the affectionate part, but we're talking about a mom who loves her kid as much as we all do.

Do you know anybody who, as a child, endured the foster care system? I do. Too bad you can't talk to her because if you did you might be a little less gung ho about involving the government in private lives. That's an action to be reserved for the worst scenarios, IMO. Whatever this mother's mistake, she loves and nurtures her child in ways that the government will never do.