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As if being infertile isn't frustrating enough, my friends are now at the stage in their lives when they are planning sterilization to prevent pregnancies. Stab, stab, stab (in my gut). Laughing and joking about it, stab, stab. I'm trying so hard to get pg and they are just throwing their fertility away.<br><br>
Now, on the news, a father has just thrown his 4 children into the water because he was arguing with the mother. STAB<br><br>
mothers using drugs during their entire pregnancy and I do everything by the book and lose my pg during the 1st trimester.
 

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I know what you mean and how you feel. Everything just feels so unfair.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My sister falls preg so very very easily. Before I fell pg she and her DH were having lots of problems and very,very rarely had intercourse. Maybe once every 6 months. Well a few weeks after she had called to get advice on how to divorce him, she announced that she was pg!<br><br>
So unfair!
 

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I just wanted to give you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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hugs to both of you mamas and everyone else in this boat. I've been on both ends. I tried for years and it was so heartwrenching and then I had two beautiful children Thank G-d that I am SOOOOOOO Grateful for and feel so blessed to have, but now I'm thinking, this is REEEEALLLLY hard work and I'm feeling very overwhelmed sometimes and maybe I should start thinking of trying to prevent conception and is that okay? Having been on the other end, I feel like, never in my life would I prevent this gift, yk?<br><br>
I felt it was a stab when my friends would say these sorts of things. I would see people all around concieveing children and I would just cry and pray and think "why do THEY deserve it and not me?!"<br><br>
In the end, the way it all worked out was much better than I could have ever hoped. For me, going through the years of infertility brought alot of issues to light that seriously saved several peoples lives and years of frustration and very messy and terrible situations. I was able to gather information about myself and learn that I could survive without bio children and that was something I never thought I would be able to do. In applying for adoption, I learned lots of amazing things about myself and the world around me that have helped me as both a mother and a human being.<br><br>
I'm not trying to belittle your experience. Not even one tiny off handed way bit...I WAS there and I hope you'll consider what I am saying even though I'm not there now...<br><br>
Having children is SUCH a personal thing for every single woman and her partner (or lack thereof) and between them and their Creator or the forces that be in their lives. There is a time and season for everything and even though some women have children and then don't want more, or want a break, or never wanted them in the first place, they are NOT in any way connected to YOU and YOUR experence. You simply can't compare or try to connect the two. As women we need to try to uplift women no matter what their condition or where they are in their lives. We need to help them. If a woman is done having children or doesn't want them and spends all her time trying to AVOID pregnancy, she might be looking at you thinking "it's not fair, I have to go through all this sterilization surgery/abortion/you name it and it's agonizing for me".<br><br>
You just can't compare.<br><br>
And just like it is for you, it is very real for these people...so real and seeing others never having to go through an abortion or having their tubes tied is a huge stab in their backs.<br><br>
Anyways, I commusurate with you and wish you tons of pregnancy vibes adn nothing but happiness and wonder in your lives.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"> peace to you. I have so been there (thinking "you probably didn't even want to get pregnant", secretly glaring at women I feel are "too young" to have kids.) Feeling totally crazy to feel that way.<br><br>
I had a m/c and as I way of taking care of myself afterwards, I went for a massage. I was pretty much physically recovered, but I still felt I had to tell the massage therapist, which of course made me cry etc. And she said, "Oh, I totally understand and know where you are at, I just had an abortion". !!!!!!! For one thing, TMI, I must share with her, she didn't have to share with me. And I know that women do not make that decision lightly, but ???????????? No, sistah, you do not know where I am at.<br><br>
I went to a holistic healer and she helped me to be more okay with where I was at and more peaceful with the process. My dd was conceived via IVF and we are planning another cycle soon.
 

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I am there, I am there!!! I can totally empathize with the OP and other PP here.<br><br>
I know this chick, and her DH's sister is one of those that get's preg EVERY YEAR through horrible self destructive habits IYKWIM and doesn't want/take care of them. She gave 5 up to the state and <i>gave one away</i> to a lady she "kinda knew"!!! I glare at her image in my mind thinking, "You shouldn't have these gifts! You don't even want them! Give them to me if you're giving them away!!!"<br><br><br>
Then recently after this last ectopic and losing my tube and half my fertility I learned this friend of a friend who has had multiple abortions and lost her child to the state through neglect, cleaned herself up and is now married and having TWINS!!! I know I should feel happy for her cleaning up and everything, but I cried and cried thinking, "It's not fair! It's not fair! She killed or nearly killed her babies and she gets rewarded with twins!!!!"<br><br><br>
I know it's illogical, and selfish to feel this way but it's where I am sometimes. Like right now. Right now I AM jealous. It's not about "other women" right now, it's about me. I'm hurt and angry and jealous and I want life to be my version of "fair". There's no room here for empathy or understanding or logic. And that's ok. It's just part of how I'm dealing with things right now. Part of my grieving process. I'll feel this way until I don't anymore.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sioko</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296466"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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I know it's illogical, and selfish to feel this way but it's where I am sometimes. Like right now. Right now I AM jealous. It's not about "other women" right now, it's about me. I'm hurt and angry and jealous and I want life to be my version of "fair". There's no room here for empathy or understanding or logic. And that's ok. It's just part of how I'm dealing with things right now. Part of my grieving process. I'll feel this way until I don't anymore.</div>
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Thats exactly how I feel right now at this point in my life. I could not have said it better.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: i feel the same way.
 

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I'm right there with you ladies.<br><br>
In the last 9 years my DH and I have not used birth control (activelt trying about 1/2 of the time, not preventing the rest of the time) and we have only conceived 4 times. I have lost 3 of those babies.<br><br>
A year ago I was planning on taking courses to become a Childbirth educator and a lactation consultant but since then I have miscarried 2 more times and i cannot imagine working with pregnant women and babies.
 

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In the 17 years I've known about my infertility ... I cannot count the times I've felt kicked in the heart with this kind of thing.<br><br>
Now, as my partner and I cling to each other through the agonizingly slow and legally impeded process to adopted frozen embryos (with dubious potential success), an acquaintance is aborting a 14 week pregnancy.<br><br>
Me: "What if we adopted the baby? And paid for all your expenses until then?"<br><br>
Her response: "Well then I might as well keep it, if I have to go through the hell of giving birth to it."<br><br>
Sigh. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"> My heart hurts.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>starling&diesel</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10321190"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In Me: "What if we adopted the baby? And paid for all your expenses until then?"<br><br>
Her response: "Well then I might as well keep it, if I have to go through the hell of giving birth to it."<br>
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that is heartbreaking, some women don't realize how lucky there are to be able to conceive a child. a 19 year of employee in my office just found out that she was preg for the 2nd time in 3 months (the 1st time she decided to terminate) and she doesn't even want to have kids but is keeping the pregnancy because her grandmother offered to take care of the baby. nothing like a kick in the ovaried for dh and i who just found out we will prob never be able to have a biological child.i don't know how much more infertility sadness i can take.
 

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I find that if I focus on how frigging lucky the women around me are who conceive, at all different states of readiness, and how frigging angry I am that I'm not one of them, I feel bad. And I know that bad feeling is not going to help me feel better about my lack of conceiving. And it's not going to win me any friends, either. So I try to focus on the joy I have with the ds I was able to conceive (with the help of lots of fertility treatments).
 
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