Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So why is it that these women who want the epidural waiting at the door for them and couldn't care less about a natural birth... get a quick natural birth??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I know I should be happy for them, but they tell the birth story like it's a horror story! Oh....the pain!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Why is it they get the stories that start with, I got up at 6 am, felt a bit off... didn't realize it was labor and end with "catch!" only 50 minutes later!!!<br><br>
It's so not fair!!! Yeah, it hurt to hear her "horror" birth story, but I just smiled and said it was wonderful that everything went so well and quickly. She should've just stayed home and saved herself that horrible car ride. Then to pour salt into the wound, she adds...."Well, doc said next time I'll have to be induced or I just may not make it to the hospital in time." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
How is it that someone so not committed to a natural birth gets one???? And why can't she see that the birth was a blessing, not something horrible???<br><br>
I didn't realize how much her "horrible" birth story had hurt me until we got home and I had the kids asleep.... Since I was 7 years old I have been fascinated with birth. I even remember reading medical type books about it at that age. Now that I'm older, I find it even more fascinating with all the emotional and spiritual aspects thrown in there. So it's absolutely heartbreaking to hear someone tell a birth story like that when it would be one of my biggest dreams come true. (Homebirth of course tops the list.) I took care of myself during pregnancy; I surrounded myself with positive people and a doula; I was informed; I was just ready.... where did all that get me? 60 hours of natural backlabor and a cesarean birth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
Oh, I also forgot I had talked to her about getting her breech baby to turn. Of course, he did it on his own..... unlike my 2 breech babies. One never did turn, the other I had turned by ECV. How unlucky can I be?<br><br>
Sorry to throw my self a pity party, but I'm just so discouraged.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,491 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Nothing to add. It is just very hard when you aren't getting what you need and desire and it's happenig accidentially to someone who HATES exactly what you long to have. You go ahead and vent, and I hope it helps you work with it.<br><br>
Are you two close friends?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,590 Posts
Oh that is so hard. Do be good to yourself and let yourself have a bit of grief over your lost birth dreams. It's not bad to feel angry and hurt and frustrated. Don't forget though that while a lot of people may think this momma is lucky to have had such a quick birth, some of the times when it is that fast, it is traumatizing. All the same things have to happen but your body has no chance to release as many endorphins to help deal with it. They have no opportunity to catch their breath so to speak. Especially someone who did not see herself as going natural so was probably not prepared at all for what she did go through. Give yourself some time to process. Good luck. Hugs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
796 Posts
Hate to say it.. but dont even<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: ... I've helped with over 137 families and have to go with IVF to have a 'natural' birth.. my adopted love of my life is the most natural pregnancy I've had... It sucks for sure - but there could always be more..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Rockies5 and 1strimestar. Actually I did realize it was so horrible for her because she wasn't prepared for it and it was so quick.... I even told her so. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: (But in a nice way.) I guess I just didn't want to take that into consideration for my pity party. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"> Plus, this story comes at a bad time. I have baby fever again, but haven't been able to persuade DH. One of the reasons he says no is because: "No doc would willingly let you "try" for a VBAC again." Which I've been there and fought that fight twice now. So that's not really an issue for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'd <span style="text-decoration:underline;"><b>love</b></span> just to walk into the hospital like she did and say "catch!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Who needs a doc through pregnancy anyway to take your weight/ measurements and tell you to schedule a cesarean? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JunipersMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8205715"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hate to say it.. but dont even<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: ... I've helped with over 137 families and have to go with IVF to have a 'natural' birth.. my adopted love of my life is the most natural pregnancy I've had... It sucks for sure - but there could always be more..</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Oh, I'm sorry, I do realize it could be worse. My doula is in the same boat as you. She had finally resigned to agreeing to IVF when more fertility issues came up, now that is even on hold. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I may be asking you more questions about IVF later if she ever gets to that point... But yeah, you are right, I should be grateful for my 3 kids I do have. It could have been much worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,590 Posts
But just because it could have been worse, doesn't mean that you can't rightfully have a pity party occasionally. I want to be clear that I was not pointing out her possible problems in order to "show" you how "good" you have it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Looks like I should have checked my <a href="http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/" target="_blank">email devotional</a> first thing this morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Oh, and I've been getting this <a href="http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/girlfriends/" target="_blank">same one</a> off and on for a couple of weeks now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Guess my pity party is over. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,601 Posts
You know what? You should never have to apologize away your feelings about your cesareans. Personally, if another person says "atleast you have a baby" or "all that matters is a healthy baby" to me, well I don't think it will be pretty.<br>
And I am glad you're over your pity party<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> but I'm feeling a bit of pity coming on and I'll carry the torch for you. I was just thinking about this the other day.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ericswifey27</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8215220"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You know what? You should never have to apologize away your feelings about your cesareans. Personally, if another person says "atleast you have a baby" or "all that matters is a healthy baby" to me, well I don't think it will be pretty.<br>
And I am glad you're over your pity party<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> but I'm feeling a bit of pity coming on and I'll carry the torch for you. I was just thinking about this the other day.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I talked to my husband about it last night. One of the points he brought up is my experiences have shaped me to make me. He is so right. If my first birth would have gone good (AROM and Pit induction, followed by epidural while I remained in bed throught the labor strapped to EFM) I wouldn't understand the dangers of interventions. Instead I would be all for choosing baby's birth date and getting an epidural.... I'd probably have the "dr knows best" attitude. However, because of my experiences, I've entered a whole new way of thinking. I've met and now work with some amazing people (midwives and doulas). Even one of the student doulas I work with didn't understand what "empowering birth" meant. Why? She never encountered any problems during her births, she can't relate to my 3 cesarean births, or what it's like to carry a breech baby, or argue with a dr about my right to VBAC. She's only had "perfect" homebirths. Now as a student doula, I can pass along things I've learned and empower other women. It's great to know that they are going to have all the info so they can make the best choice for themself and their baby (which I didn't have the first time around). I get consulted on when someone wants a VBAC, has a breech baby or opting for a cesarean. Would I like the nice uncomplicated births... sure. But I'm more qualified to help the others. My stories are not all negative. I've proven that I have what it takes to labor naturally (my 60 hour labor). So I feel I have something to offer to clients who are afraid of labor and not sure if they can do it without an epidural. Maybe one day I can add a more positive birth story, maybe not. I just gotta push on and help those who want my help.<br><br>
So whatever your birth experience was, it's still the birth of your child. It's okay to mourn the loss of your ideal birth, but I bet you learned something from it. Now you'll be more prepared for the next birth, or maybe to help another epecting mother. (I wasn't a doula when I met this mother last year...but I've talked with many expecting mommas over the years trying to spare them the pain of making the same mistakes I did.) So hang in there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Just realized you're 'due" next month!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Just carry what you learned from your last birth to enrich this upcoming birth. I'll be praying every day you get your HBAC. So you gotta post back here when you have that snuggly little baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We can all learn from every birth story....as all babies are inspiring. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top