[lah7]

When my STBX and I separated just over a year ago, DS was 4 and he dealt with everything by wanting to sleep with me. And I was absolutely fine with that. We'd co-slept with the kids as infants, and into toddlerhood with my youngest, but all three had been in their own space for several months, by the time the separation came about. And for what it's worth, all three kids have beds in the same room, so they could still have comfort of one another, even though they were co-sleeping with ME.

Well, it's been a year. I began asking DS a few months ago when he wanted to try his own bed again. He said that when he turned 5, he was going to go back to his own bed (which was also when he said he'd begin wiping his own bum...big things are afoot when one turns 5!) Well, 5 has come and gone (barely) and he cries if I suggest trying out his old bed again.

His bed is across the hall from my room. I have told him that if he gets scared, he can come back to my bed, like in the middle of the night. I have suggested that we can have nights that he could plan on sleeping in my bed, just maybe not 7 days/week anymore.

There are a couple of reasons I want to move this along, but the biggest is that my girls don't understand why HE gets to sleep with me and they don't. And the reason is that he sleeps like a quiet little corpse. The girls are like sleeping with wild animals. But it never fails, that he is in my bed, one of the girls crawls in, and then the other wakes up alone, and she crawls in and next thing I know, I've got 3 kids, 5 cats and myself in one bed and I'm very, very cranky by morning.

I am honestly NOT interested in a family bed long-term. I don't want to figure out how to just make room for all of us, because...I need some space. And I can't get that with 3 kids in my bed.

I obviously don't want to make this harder on my son. The past year has been very difficult and if THIS is what has helped him cope, I don't regret it for a second.

But I also think it's time for him to move along, both for me, and for him. He has said in various ways that he's sleeping with me so that I don't get lonely without Daddy here, and so that I don't get scared. Obviously, he's not just talking about me, but I also don't think it's entirely healthy for him to think I NEED him to comfort me. I am here to support HIM, and I don't need to take that from a small child. I've taken various bits of advice, including telling him that I thank him for being so concerned about Mommy, but that I'm okay now and it's okay if he goes back to his own bed.

Any tips on this? I'm willing to go as slowly as needed to make this work for him, but I do want to start making progress.

On the plus side, he DID stick to his word and begin wiping his own bum last week. So one out of two ain't entirely bad.

 

[churndash]

My son did the very same thing when I got divorced. I will not pretend that it was an easy transition. I would let him fall asleep in my bed, then put him in his own. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night and try to get back in my bed, and I would gently take him back to his own bed, staying with him until he had fallen back to sleep. Now I didn't spring this on him either - I told him ahead of time this would be the plan. He was 7 at the time.

Every now and then he still turns up in the middle of the night (bad dream, illness), but he does go to his own bed and stay there all night on a regular basis.

I am just now starting this same process with my youngest, who is 6.

 

[OTMomma]

I haven't btdt- but in your shoes I would buy an air mattress and put it in the floor in your room, let all 3 kids sleep there if they want (at least your son, but not off limits to the girls), and use that as a transition step. I would tell your son that he's gotten so big that the bed doesn't feel big enough any more, and you need more space at night- which is true if that's what I'm reading- even if the more space has more to do with having 3 kids in the bed rather than just 1. Hopefully your son will get used to sleeping nearby instead of in bed with you, and eventually want to sleep in his own room again.

Good luck!