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Really upset, possible pedophile!

2039 Views 25 Replies 21 Participants Last post by  merpk
We go to a playgroup/toy lending library every Tuesday and Friday. Today there was a man there I hadn't seen before. I didn't see any kids with him but there may have been. He spent the majority of the time playing with my son Elijah. That kind of made me wonder but I didn't really make much out of it. That is until I looked around and noticed Elijah wasn't there. I heard his voice and looked up and saw the man leading him around the corner to the bathrooms! I ran over and grabbed him and the man just said sorry and walked away. I took Elijah into the bathroom and then when we went out the man was still there and he still kept trying to play with Elijah but I kept pulling Elijah away. I didn't know how to react but after I left I was (and still am) really shaken! Number one I'd never seen the man before, number two I didn't even see any kids with him, and number three why on God's green earth would a stranger think it was alright to take someone's child to the bathroom. My radars are all over the place with this, I really don't feel right about it. My DH wants to phone and complain to the playgroup leader. I am just so shaken! This person may have been trying to molest or kidnap my son!
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Or what has already happened with other kids/at other times! I would report it to the library, the play group, AND the police! With the police, just call their non-emergency line and they will send an officer to your house so you can make a report. Or you can stop in at a police station to do so if you are more comfortable with that. The reason for making a report to the police is if this is a pattern of behavior that others have already reported, or report in the future, the more reports they get, the better they can describe and find the guy. This is not a minor incident that you are describing!
first, you should have and still should call the police and make a report on it with a description of the guy. Second, you need to call the library and let them know waht happened and what the guy looks like and if you ever see him again either out or in the library, you need to call the police. I am glad nothing happened to your little guy.
Ditto, ditto, ditto. I would also report to the library, the playgroup leader, and the police. How scary for you. Good luck.
I involve other people's children in our play all the time and even correct inappropriate behavior if their parents aren't looking. But I would never take a stranger's child to the bathroom and if mom wasn't around and it was an emergency for the child to get to the bathroom, I'd be all over myself explaining to the parent.

I'm not for involving authorities for much at all. This is one of those rare times I'm going to ask you to please report this to the playgroup, library, and the police.
I did decide to call and report it to the police and they said I did the right thing in calling. They said it sounded suspicious to them too. I'm glad I'm not just overreacting. I am still really shaken up! We are going to have a talk with him this weekend about strangers and people touching you where they shouldnt. We hadn't before now because we thought he was too young but now I realize how important it is!
Oooooh.... I'm shaking for you right now. I'm SO glad your little boy is okay, but HOW scary!!! You absolutely did the right thing in calling the authorities. I hope that they find this guy and keep him away from kids!!! I'll be hugging my baby extra tight tonight. Thanks for the reminder of how important it is to be vigilant... and again, I'm SOOO glad yor little boy is okay!!!
Oh my gosh - I personally would have called the police on the spot and demanded they come and question that man immediately! Why would you allow him to keep hanging around your boy like that? Maybe you were in shock? I call the police when I see any man loitering around our public park - if he's not there with his own child I don't care, I call the cops. Being in denial about how many sexual offenders there are around does no good at all. I say call cops now and wonder if you did the right thing later.

I'm glad he didn't get your son. He surely is a predator, I have no doubt.

Read Gavin de Becker's book Protecting the Gift. Every parent should have it as required reading.
I've heard that title. Another good one is called "From Diapers to Dating"--about how all our interactions with our kids inform their comfort with and ownership of their bodies. Good guide. Sorry I don't know the author.
Read Gavin de Becker's book Protecting the Gift. Every parent should have it as required reading.
Yes, yes, yes!!!!

This book is great - read it!!
My heart is pounding in my chest reading this!! I'm so glad Elijah is okay. You did the right thing by calling the police!

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How scary for you! I'm glad things worked out and that you reported that weirdo.
When you go back to the play group keep an eye out for him and also alert other parents. He might come back. I'm glad you called the police. I hope that made you feel better. I'm so glad that your little one is safe and unharmed.
Gavin de Becker's book "Protecting the Gift" advocates listening to your gut. In order to really hear your gut you have to trust your gut and stop worrying. Worrying just makes unneccessary noise that prevents you from hearing your gut. When a little voice says "This guy is weird." Listen! But I wouldn't be calling the police on every single man at the playground. That's just worrying IMO.

He also doesn't advocate doing a lot of "street proofing" of little kids. He basically says if they are too young to make the right decisions then they shouldn't be alone. You should be teaching them through modelling, etc. to listen to their gut. I ask my son when he is climbing something dangerous "Does it feel safe?" and if he says no I say "Then maybe you shouldn't do it." or "What can we do to make you feel safe?" I feel this is laying the groundwork for listening to his gut. Just saying "don't talk to strangers" is saying don't trust anybody you don't know which could include police, teachers, etc. It's the people he does know that are the most likely to hurt him. Sad but true.

That's a very scary situation but one that we can all learn from. Your gut told you he was weird and you were right. Remember that feeling and next time you will react quicker.
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How scary! I am so sorry you had to go through that. That is just awful. I would definitely take as much action as possible before ever going back(if I ever did). I would NEVER let him out of sight and start talking with him about the dangers of strangers. The book everyone suggested sounds great and I will definitely invest in it myself! Keep us posted on your decision!
I would definately tell who ever organizes your playgroup about the man and how you reported it to the police. What if he shows up again and you are not there to point him out to everyone and some other mom thinks as you did that maybe he is here with a child. Maybe the leader of your playgroup can send out a little memo to all the members or if it is a drop-in playgroup she could pass them out to the parents as they arrive or leave. I think this incident might be an oppurtunity to open up communication amomg the parents and children about safe peole and safe touching and how you explain that idea to young kids among your fellow play group members.
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I just talked to the cops again and they've been talking to some members of the group and the one woman Morgan says that he definately did not have kids with him. What happened was the woman who was supposed to open up was late. Two other women were there and the guy was just hanging around. They said they needed to get the key to open up and the guy said he'd go get it. So he got it I guess and they opened up and he just hung around. Why didn't these women question why this man was there??? And obviously he was up to no good because he kept the master key in his pocket. My dad has prophetic dreams and he had one last night. The guy was going to do something bad to Elijah and then lock the door from the outside with the master key and leave him there. I am just so shaken up! That man may have molested and murdered my child. I have been crying so much and hugging Elijah and he has no clue what's going on (thank God!). I can't believe how easily this could have happened. And with me right there! The cops are looking for him and are going to have a guard stationed there on Tuesday. They are talking to more members of the group and still trying to contact the leader (who wasn't there yesterday). If they find out for sure that no one knows who he is they are going to put an alert out to all of Ontario, alerting all the police forces so they can alert all playgroups and mother's group of a possible predator on the loose. I am glad they are taking this so seriously but I'm still so scared and upset. I keep picturing the man leading my little boy towards the bathrooms. I am so thankful I got there in time and nothing happened. But just the thought of what could have is tearing me apart.
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Wow, that is scary!! I am so glad you reported it, and am soooo glad the authorities are taking this very seriously. That is NOT RIGHT that that guy tried taking your boy to the bathrooms. I am shuttering for you. Ugh.

to you and your family.
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WHOA!! Where in Ontario was this???
I was at the library last week and there was a guy in the parking lot beside my car and he undid his pants and may have been taking them off, so I grabbed my daughter and headed in and reported him. Nothing came of it though. They didnt have security so they sent a maintenance man to have look, but all he did was walk to the end of the overhang and go back inside. I later saw this man in the building, but as I was already in the process of driving away I didnt go back to point him out. Maybe I should have?
You so arnt over reacting, and should definately report it(I know you already have, but I couldnt figure out how to word that right
: )
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ditto noodle4u--where in Ontario? I think I live in a bubble and always think that that kind of thing can't happen here, in a reasonably nice suburb, but I keep forgetting that with any form of transportation we're just a ride-away for these sickos. It's a really frightening thought. Even though I feel really disgusted and scared that such a thing could happen, I'm glad you shared it with us so that we can all be reminded and more aware of these people in our community.
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