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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have sole physical and joint legal custody of my 10 month old daughter. Ex is threatening to go to court - as he does every time he can't see her at his leisure. A judge won't award him every other weekend / every weekend for three days straight, will they?
 

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Are you in the US? Most states won't award overnights away from the child's primary caregiver until the child turns two. Every weekend or every other weekend, all weekend at 10 months old? I'm thinking not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes, in Michigan. DD has gone over to ex's mother's house for overnights on occasion because I work 7pm-3am; every time she has had an over night has been at my request, due to child care issues, ex very rarely asks to see DD.

I don't mind one overnight a week, maybe 18 hours at a time. DD is very well adjusted and loves everyone. We have not encountered any separation anxiety ever. Ex is under the delusion that he will get joint custody or very near to it. (As for the joint custody, that would be an entirely different thing. Ex has no car, no crib, no nothing for DD so I really don't see that ever happening.)

I just don't think he can handle her for three days at a time. Unless we go to court, I am only going to allow 18 hours at a time, 24 max for visits a couple times a week. I think I'm being reasonable.
 

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I do think a court would allow overnights. But if you came into the proceedings with a good plan to help integrate her dad into her routine gradually, they would agree to that.

So while I think 18 hours is a reasonable amount of time if you agree and your dd agrees
, I think you might want to ease into it and have a long term plan building up to what would be standard for your state or county.

In my state, standard visits are every other weekend (Fri eves- Sun afternoons) and 1 "dinner" per week.

My ex and I agreed for short visits at my home for several months (dd was newborn at the time), moving to one "dinner" for 2 hours every week for several more months, and now she goes every other week for an overnight- about 18 hours- and the off week she goes for a 4 hour visit. This schedule will stay until she starts K (another 2 or 3 years), I think. We're playing it by ear


Theoretically, he will take her for an extra day when I need to work and the babysitter can't watch her but he has to take off work so that actually hasn't happened yet.

eta: FWIW, my dd did not have any seperation anxiety until she was closer to the 18-24 mo age. It got really bad for about a year and now it's better. Just don't be shocked if it happens a bit later than you'd expect!
 

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In MI they will unless you're nursing. They only recognize the nursing relationship until 1 year of age. But I've heard of younger than yours going for weekends with dad.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I sent him some guidelines that I found (used by several states including ours) on reasonable parenting time for a 10 month old. Also asked him if we could set up a schedule - we go for weeks where he doesn't ask about her and then he wants to see her on only a few hours' notice, I'd like something more consistent if he is going to see her.

Let's see how this goes ... thank you for your advice!!
 
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