Mothering Forum banner
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,218 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i thought this might be a good thread to start. i was inspired after reading about this study discussed in Conscious Conception-<br>
it was done in frace to find out the top 14 reasons parents have children. here are the top 14<br>
1.to conform in society based on family<br>
2.to consecrate the love between two parents<br>
3.to be mortal<br>
4.to have an adventure, a change<br>
5. to have a love object which will not abandon you(at least not as a young child)<br>
6.to have a legitament ticket into the world of childhood<br>
7to be creative<br>
8.to carry on the family name,traditions<br>
9.to prove one is healthy<br>
10.to "save" the marriage<br>
11.to confirm the mans virility<br>
12.to confirm the womans feminity<br>
13.to participate in the mysteries of nature<br>
14.to justify sexual intercourse<br><br><br>
wow<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><br>
some of these are some BAD reasons!!<br>
any ways- ill begin with MY reasons-<br>
1. i have a child and so does DH but neither of us got to experience pregnancy and birth with someone we loved and wanted to do that with.we were both pretty alone in the process. i want to share this with him.<br>
2. i loved being prengnant and nursing and now that DS is weaned i my body says ITS TIME!<br>
3. i want a second chance to do things right that i feel i did "wrong" the last time<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/dust.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dust">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,119 Posts
Wow!!! Some of those are horrible reasons!! The list not yours Liz!<br><br>
I think mine are simple<br>
to have a little person in this world that will hopefully have the best of me & the best of dh Heck even having some of our "bad points" wouldn't be so bad! I really want a sassy redheaded little girl!!<br><br>
To be a mom - I have been a nanny for 6.5 years & a doula for one & I want the experience for myself - I've seen the joy & love a baby brings & while my dh & I bring that to each other in a very strong way a baby is different way & I'm ready to have that wonderous (& not so wonderous) stuff that goes along with a new baby.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
450 Posts
I always think that no matter how you intellectulise it, wanting to have a child is really such an instinctive emotional feeling that in the end of the day you have TTC because you <i>want</i> a child. All the other reasons are secondary, or should be IMHO <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,218 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"><br>
Kate- i HAD to pop back on here and say that i am also a sassy redhead and hoping for one like me! lol too funny
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,119 Posts
Liz - Too funny!! Actually my "rode name" is SASSYRED<br>
DH loves it! Good think I have a quiet even tempered husband!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,518 Posts
Well I'm a blonde, and so are dh and dd, but we're all pretty sassy, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br>
Our reasons for TTC (this time - dd was an accident <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ) are:<br>
-We want dd to have a sib close in age. My bro and I are less than 2 years apart and have been best friends since I was born. Dh and his bro are 9 years apart and dh wishes he had a sib close in age.<br>
-We are pretty youngish (mid-twenties) and figure if we have all our kids now, they'll be outta the house when we're 50 or so. We like that idea a lot.<br>
-In for a penny, in for a pound. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I would NEVER have kids to "confirm my fertility" or to "conform in society"! What AWFUL reasons!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
ITA that the desire for children is biological, though -- not always logical.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
511 Posts
I have the book Conscious Conception and haven't read that part yet, but those are some pretty awful reasons you quote, Liz!<br><br>
One thing I read in CC that really hit home is that it's not so much about how I <i>want</i> a baby, but how much I want to <i>be</i> a parent. This has really made a difference in my outlook. And, I think it's helped me be more patient (but that's always questionable <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> )<br><br>
The main reason dh and I have talked about is truly about a sense of abundance. We have been together for 13 years, married 10, and our love has just continued to grow beyond our wildest dreams. We want a baby to share this with us (or should I say...we want to be parents to a child who will share this with us). We've been given so much; it seems like we have to share it!<br><br>
That's my super-idealistic side. The more instinctual side just says "I wanna be a mom!" Not a lot of rationalization needed.<br><br>
Good topic!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
500 Posts
Great idea - this should make for some interesting reading!<br><br>
My reasons for having children:<br><br>
- the miracle of creating something that is part of both me and my husband and yet somehow completely not us either (if that makes sense - lol!)<br><br>
- I loved being pregnant and breastfeeding and am looking forward to doing it again<br><br>
- one of my reasons for having more than one child is that I think Isaiah will benefit from having one or more siblings
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
24,385 Posts
Mine is pretty simple...I want to be a mom.<br><br>
And while confirming your own fertility is a pretty bad reason when you are starting out....after over a year of trying, it does become part of the reason you want to get pregnant....you want to know you are not defective. Not a good primary reason, but a valid secondary reason.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,455 Posts
Well, I agree w/all of these:<br>
"8.to carry on the family name,traditions"<br>
"it's not so much about how I want a baby, but how much I want to be a parent."<br>
"a sense of abundance...our love has just continued to grow beyond our wildest dreams. We want a baby to share this with us." In our case, each of us had felt since our early teens that we were doomed to be alone for most of our lives because we're so weird. Not only did that turn out not to be true (we each had some successful relationships of a year or so before we got together) but each of us is very much like the ideal that the other had discarded as unrealistic! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/partners.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="couple"><br>
"the miracle of creating something that is part of both me and my husband and yet somehow completely not us either."<br>
"And while confirming your own fertility is a pretty bad reason when you are starting out....after over a year of trying, it does become part of the reason you want to get pregnant....you want to know you are not defective." (Hang in there, Adina! You are not alone! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">)<br><br>
Another reason is that too many of our wonderful, intelligent, kind-hearted friends have chosen to be childless so as to have more time for other types of creative work and/or saving the world via direct-action projects. While we respect their decisions very much, we worry that there won't be another generation of terrific people like this if nobody reproduces! We want to be forebears so that our kind of bears doesn't become an endangered species. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Also, we think our friends will make really good wacky uncles and aunts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,067 Posts
I've always wanted to have lots of kids for many reasons; some reasons are high and lofty (maybe my kids will make the world a better place) and some of them are completely selfish (I want to prove that with a secure, loving environment, my genes could be successful).<br><br>
While some of the reasons listed seem awful to me, I have to say that I understand them all. They're not all perfectly logical or reasonable or even true, but I understand how people come to those conclusions. (For example, having a baby to save a marriage.) I'd like to think that my reasons are somehow above such petty concerns, but the bottom line is this: it's mostly a desire to get my genes and ideas into the next generation, as diversely as possible (through more than one child). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
We are TTC #2 now because we definately don't want ds to be an only child, and because dh doesn't want to have children after he's 40. (He's a type I diabetic, and he's 34 now). We want at least 3 children, and I never want to be pregnant in the summer again, so that means we (hopefully) get pregnant this month. If we didn't catch the egg this month (and I don't think we did! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">), then we'll wait till next year and (maybe) stop at 3 kids instead of 4.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,679 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> sorry, double post
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,679 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Great thread.<br><br>
My reasons for ttc:<br>
- my first pregnancy there was a lot of stress involved and I didn't really feel like I got to enjoy it. I don't even have any pictures of me pregnant <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
- Although I loved birthing, my hospital birth was horrible and I want the opportunity to homebirth<br>
- I loved nursing and hope to do it again<br>
- I don't want our ds to be an only child<br>
- I feel as though there is a little soul out there searching for me, destined to be my baby. I have had dreams, even written letters to her/him... It sounds weird but I want to give this little soul a life and am waiting (sort of impatiently though<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> for s/he to come to me. I know s/he will when the time is right.<br>
- and I just love being a mom!!!<br><br><br>
14.to justify sexual intercourse :LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
because..........<br><br>
...I crave it and belive that need is from God to "push" me to have one for His reasons.<br><br>
....dh-2b and i love each other so much and want to share that love with kids.<br><br>
....isn't that what you do? grow up, go to college, marry and have babies?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"> (that last reason was a joke, if you couldn't tell).<br><br>
.....to expierence for myself the circle of life<br><br>
....as a lasting physical proof of our love.<br><br>
....wanting more than one cause I was an only (now have to God gifted sister that I had to find for myself) and dh-2b had siblings. We have decided, as long as God is willing we want more than one for all the befits he had and I have found.<br><br>
....and cause I turely hope to have a good person to blance the "bad" people out there.<br><br>
AImee
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,218 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Astrid- one of your reasons made me remeber that is one of my reasons too!<br>
"Although I loved birthing, my hospital birth was horrible and I want the opportunity to homebirth"<br><br>
that is it exactly!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,067 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><b><br>
"Although I loved birthing, my hospital birth was horrible and I want the opportunity to homebirth"<br></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
This is the one thing about #2 that has me worried. I hated birthing and I don't think doing it elsewhere would change my experience, as the only positive things I can remember about it were the epidural and the fact that it eventually ended. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top