[.:Melissa:.]

I was having this conversation with my father today and he is kind of concerned about my parenting choices, haha. We have vastly different opinions, and I am open to hearing what he has to say, but love the way we're doing things. DS is 9 months and still breastfeeding and we don't plan on stopping any time soon. (Also do cosleeping, babywearing, all that other AP stuff!) My dad was trying to tell me that there are ALL these studies out there that have shown that infants breastfed past about 6 months grow up dependent, needy, "mommy's boys", etc. I know this is a common belief by many people, but I've only heard reasons why this isn't true. Of course, I'm not convinced by his arguments. What I am wondering is where ALL this information is. Just out of curiosity, has any one run across real studies that have shown any negative long term effects? My dad is concerned mainly that DS is a boy and that it is inappropriate for him to be feeding from a breast for sexuality reasons! I just don't buy it, but he claims there's all this real information out there and I'd like to see it if really is! I'm being told that I don't ever see it because I'm locked in to my opinions of what's best that I won't hear the "other side."

 

[My*Scorpio]

I have never seen any such study. I have a 2 yo ds who is independent and confident - and no he hasn't weaned yet.

 

[Vancouver Mommy]

Oh man, I'm not sure you CAN argue with somebody who has those beliefs. I think I would just laugh. And then laugh some more. Sorry, I'm no help.

 

[Storm Bride]

I've never heard of any studies about this. It's just a weird "theory" that some people have. The idea that a boy shouldn't nurse for sexual reasons is just bizarre. The primary function of the mammalian breast if to provide food for the young!

I'd simply tell your dad to put up or shut up. If he wants to cite these studies, he can show them to you. If he's unwilling to do that, then he has no room to be spouting off.

 

[Arwyn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride I'd simply tell your dad to put up or shut up. If he wants to cite these studies, he can show them to you. If he's unwilling to do that, then he has no room to be spouting off.

Yup.

 

[thepeach80]

That's what happens when children grow up and sexuality is a bad thing, not meaning sexuality as in breasts are for sex, just physicalness of it all. My kids still see me naked, we don't worry about it. I don't walk around naked, but they see me in the shower etc, they understand we're all different. When you cover all that up and hide things etc, people get weird and start blaming bfing on things. Whatever. I'm 30 wks pg, I tend to get a little random, lol.

 

[Ryatt]

Yeah, I'd also say that the burden of proof is on him. There is a lot of research to back up your BFing choices, so I would just gently explain to him that your decision stands, until info from a reputable source is presented to you, that contradicts what you are doing. My bet is that he will be hard pressed to produce the goods, and hopefully he'll let you BF in peace. Besides, wouldn't the sexuality issue be a concern, regardless of your baby's gender? I mean, not for me, but for someone who WOULD be concerrned about that?

 

[Kappa]

Here are three random examples/anecdotes that will probably not help you much.

My father may his soul rest in peace, and my uncle were both breastfed and are the biggest Momma's boys you'll ever meet. Neither of them have any sexual issues that I ever became aware of. My father was actually the one to give me "the talk."

I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and all 4 of us were breastfed. All of us were weaned onto cow's milk early except my older sister. She was the biggest Momma's baby of all of us according to the record, but she grew out of it by the time I can remember any of our earliest interactions. She was not a particularly dependent child.

I was there when my DH asked his mother if she had breastfed him, when she said "no" there was a sad look in his face. He said "That's why I'm this way." Don't know what he meant exactly, but I think he was just disappointed. The moral of the story is, nurse your babykins and he won't be disappointed.

 

[Masel]

I love the "there's gobs of studies" defense. I'm pretty good at searching Pubmed since I've done that at my job for years. Most studies having to do with adverse effects if BF have to do with disease or drug transmission through milk and some case reports of nutritional deficiencies. I'm not finding that many studies at all on how children are affected socially or behaviorally by breastfeeding (for any length of time). Those that are there are neutral to positive.
The ball is defiantly in his court for finding all these studies.

 

[LemonPie]

I agree--make him bring these studies to you. Or just declare the topic off limits and refuse to discuss it with him anymore. Which is what I would do.

I sometimes do think males are just hardwired to be fascinated with boobs, no matter what. I'll be talking to my 5 1/2 yo DS, and if I uncover to nurse my 9 week old, my son will literally start talking to my boobs instead of my face (if he doesn't stop talking altogether). He's seen them his entire life and spent 18 months using them himself, so I don't get the sudden fascination, LOL. But I don't change anything, because I want it really ingrained into him that boobs are for breastfeeding (and hopefully he'll pick himself a nice girl who will BF/AP/co-sleep/etc my grandbabies someday

).

 

[LauraN]

I would ask him if all these studies exist why does the Pediatric association recommend breastfeeding a *minimum* of one year, and why does the World Health Organization recommend a minimum of two?

There are no such studies, whether you want to find them or not.

After I asked him that rhetorical question, I would immediately declare the subject off-limits and deflect any further questions with, "This is what works for us, pass the bean dip." It's really not for him to even be concerned about. Your child, your decisions.

 

[azmomtoone]

um, he's nine mos old. That's too young to get enough nutrients from solid foods; formula is an inferior substitute for bm, and a new invention, relative.... how does he expect your ds to eat?

I'd just ignore him, smile and nod. Or use the line about, "if breastfeeding is obscene because breasts are sexual, then a bottle is the equivalent of a dildo"

 

[Chloe'sMama]

I remember when my sister was breast feeding her children my grandmother would give her a hard time and quote made up studies ect. I never understood what she had against breastfeeding until I spoke with her about it when my daughter was born. Turns out she felt incredibly guilty about not breastfeeding her own children and she was unconsciously trying to make herself feel better by putting BFing down and trying to get others to stop. She didn't come out and say it in so many words, but I could see what was going on. Perhaps that is what is going on?

 

[rivkah]

Reason NOT to breastfeed too long:

1.) There will be a danger that your ds will grow up viewing breasts as something more than a sexual commodity existing purely for men's sexual gratification.

2.) There is a real danger that if you "baby" him too long that he will grow up feeling secure and trusting and able to form healthy relationships with others. he may also have more confidence in facing new situations.

Sorry for the snarkiness--I am SURE you father means well. He's just seriously misinformed.

 

[nolonger]

my father could never show me those imaginary studies either, but he always said "after six weeks" and felt very sorry for my dh, who he thought was the rightful owner of my breasts.

when i called dad to inform him of the demise of my brief but unfortunate marriage, i had to listen to an hour long lecture about how it really wasn't a surprise and everyone saw it coming a mile away and how a week was more than enough time to have both kids weaned and in full time daycare and me in a full time office job to show xdh i was "serious about saving your marriage" before he finally had to take a breath and i could say:

"no, dad. it's not that at all. i threw the UAV out because he disconnected a wire in the phone to keep me from calling the bank and finding out that he'd spent three months worth of rent money on crack and my kids weren't going to have anything to eat tonight besides breastmilk."

i don't mean to imply that your dh is a uav too, just that mine was and my father is a misogynist idiot.

My tandem nurslings are 19 and almost 17 now. One was clw and the other nursesd longer than the cultural norm in the US but not as long as he would have if i hadn't used postponement/distraction to hasten the weaning process.

the clw child is far more secure, less peer dependant, does better in school, and has had a far easier adolescence all around.

the baby (16 years young than his closest sibling) is a boy, so i'm just going to have to get over my own insecurities about nursing male toddlers so he can clw too.

 

[gurumama]

Tell him you would love to see medical studies on this topic, and to print them out and give them to you.

Then smile and keep breastfeeding, because such studies don't exist

 

[zinemama]

After you finish laughing your head off, just try a little logic on him.

Ask him how all the manly men for the entire history of the human race until the development of formula got to be so manly. On breast milk, that's how. And for a whole lot longer than 6 months. See what he says to that.

 

[mom2threenurslings]

Whenever someone insists that something about how I'm parenting is wrong/dangerous/harmful, I tell them, with a smile, that I'd LOVE to read their research and would they please give me a copy or let me know their sources so I can look it up. I've never been given any info. I, on the other hand, can direct people to numerous resources that support the way I parent.

A few comments...
-9 month olds aren't sexual beings...nor are 3 year olds...or 6 year olds...
- Does HE confuse food with sex? Or a hug with sex? Is he inappropriately attracted to cows (or broccoli)?
- If he won't accept that breasts aren't sexual objects - that they are made for breastfeeding only, then you can point out that breasts then have dual purpose: #1- to nourish children, #2- sexual .... and so does his penis: #1- for urination and #2- for sex. Tell him you'll stop using your breasts for their primary function when he stops using his penis for its primary function.

My oldest ds will be 10 soon. He nursed until he was 5. He's very independent.
My next oldest ds nursed until he was about 7 years old. He is also a very independent child. Neither has an unhealthy fascination with breasts or sees them as sexual in any way.

This may be helpful...
http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/...v10387_fm.html

 

[1littlebit]

my ex boyfriend is a mamas boy.. he is also one of the kindest, gentlest, most honest and loving guys i know. there is nothing wrong with having a healthy loving and close relationship with your mom. no one worries about girls being mama's girls or daddy's girls... its a downright ridiculous thing to worry about!

your dad is being silly.

 

[rmzbm]

Waht's wrong with being a mamas boy?

My oldest son was only BF'd 4 months and is the biggest mamas boy on earth. Love it!