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"Why are people so judgemental?" Well, I saw a lady on the bus yesterday that gave me a rather long stream of conciousness answer to the question<br><br>
because she had 3 kids under 5 and was 8 months with a 4th and while many women do get fertility back right away even with breastfeeding I just had to hope to goodness that at least one of the kids wasn't hers by biology, and her maternity shirt looked like a nurses outfit and she mentioned that she was going to the local community college that has a nursing program, but maybe she isn't actually a nursing student, and if she is maybe she just hasn't gotten to the part where they explain that it isn't a good idea to smoke while pregnant? which is yet another reason to hope that she didn't give birth to all 3 of the older children, man I'm being judgemental, but it's *soooo* hard not to be right now<br><br>
ETA:<br>
This is a rather summarized version of the whole thought process.<br><br>
And *yes* I do know that fertility returns immediately for many women even when breastfeeding.
 

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I hope you find something better to do soon. Judgment is bad for your complexion. (there's no "e" in judgment, so maybe that will make you feel a little less superior. Perhaps that woman can spell, despite other faults.)
 

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Yes, it's judgmental but sometimes it is hard to see someone doing something harmful to their baby and not judge it.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: I'd judge the heck out of that, but then I'm an unabashed judgemental person <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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Wow, I am so proud of that unknown mama for going to nursing school while having all those kids. That's tough so I'm sure she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't feel she had a real good reason to, you know? And maybe she did cut back on her smoking, or try to quit, but she is extremely stressed and possibly battling depression so the smoking is her handle on sanity right now . . .<br><br>
And I'm proud of you for being so honest and transparent . . . that takes courage . . .<br><br>
I know what you mean, I was raised in an extremely critical/judgmental environment so it has been a daily battle for a while to reroute my neurons to more positive ways of thinking. It can be done though! I feel so much more relaxed now that I don't spend all my time cutting down myself and others. [<---Don't know if that was proper grammar there . . .]
 

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I don't think it's so bad to judge a woman smoking while preg or around her other small children. It so bad for all of them. I wouldn't judge her for the number of children she has or for going to school though.<br><br>
And when I say judge I mean I would think it's a shame she couldn't/wouldn't quit smoking and her kids are exposed to the smoke.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973517"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hope you find something better to do soon. Judgment is bad for your complexion. (there's no "e" in judgment, so maybe that will make you feel a little less superior. Perhaps that woman can spell, despite other faults.)</div>
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Actually, while "judgment" is the accepted spelling, both "judgement" and "judgment" are okay. Just something I know.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamma Mia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973681"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Actually, while "judgment" is the accepted spelling, both "judgement" and "judgment" are okay. Just something I know.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973517"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hope you find something better to do soon. Judgment is bad for your complexion. (there's no "e" in judgment, so maybe that will make you feel a little less superior. Perhaps that woman can spell, despite other faults.)</div>
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<br>
Everywhere in the world BUT the US has an e in judgement.
 

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I'm not even understanding the nature of the judgement--because she (apparently) had several children so close together, you're assuming she didn't/doesn't breastfeed? Is that it? Judgement aside, I think that's an inaccurate assumption. Many women regain fertility early even while exclusively nursing, and most regain fertility early when not-exclusively nursing. If she's a student, she probably has to have childcare give bottles, which can mess with ecological breastfeeding. Or there could be other issues. I don't think several children close together is any kind of indicator of ff'ing-by-choice.<br><br><br>
And "judgement" is the traditional spelling. I use it in protest of the dropping of the e. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Discussion Starter #12
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sheacoby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973628"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think it's so bad to judge a woman smoking while preg or around her other small children. It so bad for all of them. I wouldn't judge her for the number of children she has or for going to school though.</div>
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Oops, sorry, that was a really dense paragraph, the school thing was just evidence for her being educated and specifically educated medically. The thing is, that's actually an example of me making a postive assumption. I assumed that because she was dressed that way, and had travelled to the community college that she was enrolled in the nursing program.<br><br>
And the number of children started out as "Huh, too bad she didn't breastfeed" (the criticism being the not breastfeeding not the result of the not breastfeeding) and immediately changed into "well, LAM doesn't always work so maybe she did breastfeed" to "and I don't think pumping always stops ovulation and as a student it's gotta be harder to take pumping breaks anyway."
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973517"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hope you find something better to do soon. Judgment is bad for your complexion. (there's no "e" in judgment, so maybe that will make you feel a little less superior. Perhaps that woman can spell, despite other faults.)</div>
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Wow, this sort of auto-snark response is *just* how I would've thought about the woman before coming to MDC.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Irishmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973799"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Everywhere in the world BUT the US has an e in judgement.</div>
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I always put and e there and I'm in the US! Live and learn...please don't judge me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Irishmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973799"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Everywhere in the world BUT the US has an e in judgement.</div>
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Well, not <i>everywhere</i>. Plus, the US does have an e in "judgment" - just the one, though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> (By the way, I had to retype judgment four times because it's automatic for my little American hands to spell it judgement.)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment#Spelling" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment#Spelling</a></strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Traditionally, the word has been spelled judgment in all forms of the English language. However, the spelling judgement (with e added) largely replaced judgment in the United Kingdom in a non-legal context. In the context of the law, however, judgment is preferred. This spelling change contrasts with other similar spelling changes made in American English, which were rejected in the UK. In the US at least, judgment is still preferred and judgement is considered incorrect by many American style guides. As with many such spelling differences, <b>both forms are equally acceptable in Canadian English</b> and Australian English. In New Zealand English the form judgment is the preferred spelling in dictionaries, newspapers and legislation, although the variant judgement can also be found in all three categories. In South African English, judgement is the more common form.</div>
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Not that Canada exists.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
And I spelled it that way because Ruthla did. I have to help her defeat her neighbor as penance for being even slightly critical of another person.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Brigianna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973868"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm not even understanding the nature of the judgement--because she (apparently) had several children so close together, you're assuming she didn't/doesn't breastfeed? Is that it? Judgement aside, I think that's an inaccurate assumption. Many women regain fertility early even while exclusively nursing, and most regain fertility early when not-exclusively nursing. If she's a student, she probably has to have childcare give bottles, which can mess with ecological breastfeeding. Or there could be other issues. I don't think several children close together is any kind of indicator of ff'ing-by-choice.<br><br><br>
And "judgement" is the traditional spelling. I use it in protest of the dropping of the e. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"></div>
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Yeah color me confused too. A quick perusal of the breastfeeding and pregnancy forums here will reveal all sorts of women who breastfed and not only got their cycles back but got pregnant 3 months or less after giving birth.<br><br>
I'm just sick of having to know every time I leave my house some busybody is going to be silently nitpicking my clothes/way of speaking/grocery cart contents/what diapers my kid is wearing/how and what she eats/my education/my posture/my tone of voice. Whatever. Millions of other things I can't even think of to list. It gets really tiring. ESPECIALLY when I know that some of the busybodies judging my every move and declaring me an inferior parent? Don't even have kids. THAT makes my blood boil especially. Fellow parents I can at least somewhat excuse on the grounds that they are under the same pressures and are probably clawing for some small amount of security in their status. Non-parents? Give me a break. When you do it better than me, maybe we'll talk. Until then you can sit back in your armchair and yell at your damn TV.
 

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One time I took 3 kids 3 and under to a K-Mart and I just looked pregnant. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But none of the kids were mine.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Viola</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7974430"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One time I took 3 kids 3 and under to a K-Mart and I just looked pregnant. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But none of the kids were mine.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
The 8+ months pregnant part wasn't an assumption, she had specifically told everyone on the bus that she was due soon and couldn't wait.
 
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