[Mama~Love]

I have had 3 very vivid dreams in the past couple months about DH cheating

. Our relationship is strained right now, we're not as intimate as we used to be. Usually it's once a month, sometimes less often than that.

Two of the dreams involved a co-worker of his that he has known a long time, before we were even together. She has recently divorced as well, and is really pretty in my opinion.

The other dream involved some random gorgeous woman that just caught his eye, I guess. The thing is, he asked if he could, and I said yes. I later absolutely hated myself for saying that, and was hurt, upset, and jealous that he went through with it.

Everytime I have a dream like this, I get suspicious. I know I have issues with my own self-confidence, DH knows this, and tries his best to help me. He says he'd never cheat, but sometimes I have a hard time believing him.

 

[Jesskathand]

s:
do you have any reasons to suspect cheating?

I have had dreams of dh cheating (and just behaving like a jerk, completely out of character!) These dreams have always happened after I IRL have been not-so-nice w/ DH. In my case, I believe my subconcious is telling me "you've got a great guy, stop treating him like crap!"

Do you think your subconcious is trying to tell you something?

 

[lavieenrose]

I have read that dreams almost never mean what they seem on the surface, but are instead about other issues mixed up with whatever we were thinking about before we went to sleep.

Obviously you are not feeling secure right now in your relationship with your husband. Has he mentioned the attractive co-worker recently? That could be fueling the dreams a bit. Also, it's hard not to be jealous of people our partners spend all day with - luckily my husband works in a workshop with a bunch of large men! I still sometimes feel resentful that they get him during the day, at full energy, while he comes home to us spent and grumpy. If there were an attractive woman among them I think I'd have the occasional "hmm..." moment too.

Whenever I've had dreams of that sort about my husband, I tell him about them. His response is usually enough to put my fears to rest.

 

[Mama~Love]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesskathand s: do you have any reasons to suspect cheating? I have had dreams of dh cheating (and just behaving like a jerk, completely out of character!) These dreams have always happened after I IRL have been not-so-nice w/ DH. In my case, I believe my subconcious is telling me "you've got a great guy, stop treating him like crap!" Do you think your subconcious is trying to tell you something?

No, I don't suspect he is. Nothing is out of the usual. I've been nice to him, we haven't been fighting at all, which is normal.

I think it all stems from my insecurities about myself, my lack of self-confidence, and low self-esteem

.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lavieenrose I have read that dreams almost never mean what they seem on the surface, but are instead about other issues mixed up with whatever we were thinking about before we went to sleep. Obviously you are not feeling secure right now in your relationship with your husband. Has he mentioned the attractive co-worker recently? That could be fueling the dreams a bit. Also, it's hard not to be jealous of people our partners spend all day with - luckily my husband works in a workshop with a bunch of large men! I still sometimes feel resentful that they get him during the day, at full energy, while he comes home to us spent and grumpy. If there were an attractive woman among them I think I'd have the occasional "hmm..." moment too. Whenever I've had dreams of that sort about my husband, I tell him about them. His response is usually enough to put my fears to rest.

DH talks to this woman every day, he's her supervisor. He hasn't mentioned her recently, and I haven't talked to her recently either (I babysit for her once in awhile, she's my DD's Girl Scout leader). I'm just having a low point right now, regarding my depression.

I told DH about it, and he said that he has never nor will he ever do that to me, that I'm the most important thing to him. He has mentioned that I do seem more depressed lately, and wants to know what to do to make me feel better.

He also mentioned that if we need to go to marriage counseling, he would do it - whatever it takes to help me get better.

 

[lil_earthmomma]

Wow! It sounds like you have an amazing dh!!! He sounds very sweet and concerned and willing to do whatever it takes to help your relationship.

If your depression is indeed getting worse, you need to seek help!

I'm feeling so much better since I started taking a ssri (celexa) which is safe for bfing.

Also, maybe you and dh need some quality couple time. A date night, even if it's a date night in. More cuddles, sweet nothings, little notes or surprises. I find that when I do something special for my dh (bake his favorite treat, write him a little love note and stick it into his wallet etc.) I feel great! It's win win!

 

[AngelBee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lavieenrose I have read that dreams almost never mean what they seem on the surface, but are instead about other issues mixed up with whatever we were thinking about before we went to sleep.

:

 

[Mama~Love]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma Wow! It sounds like you have an amazing dh!!! He sounds very sweet and concerned and willing to do whatever it takes to help your relationship. If your depression is indeed getting worse, you need to seek help! I'm feeling so much better since I started taking a ssri (celexa) which is safe for bfing. Also, maybe you and dh need some quality couple time. A date night, even if it's a date night in. More cuddles, sweet nothings, little notes or surprises. I find that when I do something special for my dh (bake his favorite treat, write him a little love note and stick it into his wallet etc.) I feel great! It's win win!

Thank you. I don't give him nearly enough credit most of the time though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelBee :

Thank you!

 

[zoeyzoo]

I wanted to post that DH frequently has dreams that I cheated on him. For some reason he has been insecure and thinks I would cheat. We've been together 8 years and I have never cheated. I think DH's issues with us have stemmed from an earlier relationship.

 

[Mama~Love]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeyZoo I wanted to post that DH frequently has dreams that I cheated on him. For some reason he has been insecure and thinks I would cheat. We've been together 8 years and I have never cheated. I think DH's issues with us have stemmed from an earlier relationship.

I guess I feel insecure because my XH cheated on me, and we divorced over it. So I always still have that in the back of my mind.

 

[zoeyzoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama~to~my~bunch I guess I feel insecure because my XH cheated on me, and we divorced over it. So I always still have that in the back of my mind.

That was similar in DH's previous relationship. There was cheating on both sides. I know it can be difficult to get over things which happened in previous relationships but I am not his ex. This is a different relationship though and we have both been faithful.

I try to be supportive to DH but it bothers me. To me it feels like I'm getting blamed for cheating when I did nothing wrong. It wouldn't bother me so much if it were only dreams but it comes into out life. Dh will start questioning my clothing, why I have to work late, etc.

Just wanted to share what it feels like on the other side.

 

[Mama~Love]

We have an apointment set up for May 14th to start marital counseling. We'll see how it goes.