[Dandy Lion]

<p>Last year I referred a friend of mine to my midwife for care during her pregnancy. They clicked, and home birth plans were made. My friend had a really rough pregnancy though. Her thyroid went crazy and got so swollen she couldn't swallow, and she started feeling really terrible once she got past 30 weeks. She always shared her symptoms with the midwife, and although her blood pressure was high, my midwife didn't refer her to a doctor for more testing. Instead, my friend ended up searching for answers online, and realized it could be HELLP syndrome (a severe form of <span style="color:rgb(69,69,69);">preeclampsia</span>). On her own, she went to get tested at the hospital (hoping she could just rule it out), and she ended up with a c-section a few hours later (because she was in such bad shape).</p>
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<p>I'm still having a rough time wrapping my brain around this. I felt like I received excellent care, but obviously she didn't. I need to know that at the first sign of my pregnancy not looking normal, that my midwife will refer me to a doctor, but I don't even know how to address this with my midwife without violating my friend's privacy or being accusatory.</p>

 

[Sihaya]

I'm so sorry that happened to your friend, Dandy Lion. I'm also glad she listened to her intuition and got the help she needed. HELLP is nothing to mess with.<br><br>
I had a similar, not-as-serious thing just happen with a friend who uses my backup OB as her care provider. They treated her just awfully and I can't see myself continuing care with them without figuring out why the heck they would treat anyone that way, especially since the provider in question has been nothing but wonderful to me.<br><br>
I would just be really open with your midwife. Make sure you tell her you just want to hear everything from her, not through the grapevine. She can discuss what would happen hypothetically if the same situation were to happen again without violating your friend's privacy. It is likely that she learned a lot from this incident and that she would not ignore or brush off the same symptoms in the future.<br><br>
Something else you could do is seek out backup care with an OB or family doc just to have a second opinion. I have been extremely dissatisfied with how my midwives deal with me during the first trimester and while I'm miscarrying, but I love them during the rest of pregnancy and birth. So instead of dropping them outright, now I just see an OB during the first trimester when I feel like I need the extra appointments, monitoring, and support.