[Lucky Charm]

Hi Everyone,
One of the nurses in the ER where i work obtained a detailed list of sex offenders from the county sheriffs office. This list, much to my surprise, differs greatly from the Colorado Bureau of Investigation's website.

I am upset but not surprised to find that my neighbors son across the street is a registered sex offender. he was convicted of Sexual Assault on a child, and was convicted in May of 2003. This family has been destroyed by crystal meth. all 4 kids are addicted, and the house has caught fire twice because of a meth lab in the basement (the second time right after we moved in...the house was empty, with the yellow tape around it.) My neighbors next door told me what happened and it is common knowledge. The parents are embarrassed and i rarely see them. Their 3rd child, a son, killed himself last year less than 4 blocks from home after being chased by police. He was wanted for holding up a bank and a grocery store. The youngest daughter is in and out of jail. The two older boys are reportedly in jail as well.

I am almost positive the sex offender is their oldest son, who i have never seen, nor met, but i believe was involved in a stand off with police last November. The SWAT team was in front of my house 4 four hours. I had a sharpshooter on my roof (they actually asked my permission, imagine that!). The mans name they were calling i am almost positive is the man on the list. I have not seen him and am hoping he is back in custody ( I never knew why they wanted him, but one of the paramedics on scene told me he had escaped from jail in another state). However, there is a man living there that i have never seen before, who could very well be the man on the list. he fits the description.

I rarely let my 7 year old play outside alone. He usually plays Light Sabers with the two kids diagonally across the street, or on their jungle gym in the back yard. he frequently plays with another child also, and usually he is one of a group of kids riding bikes, roller-blading or having fun outside our quiet family filled street.

I don't want to scare him, but how do i stress the importance of never going in someones house, that sort of thing? I do not want my child to become a prisoner of a very real threat to his safety. He has done nothing wrong, this man has. and although i believe that people do pay fro their crimes, i think we can all agree that rarely do these people stop doing this disgusting heinous crime, and rarely are they ever rehabilitated.

The offenders mom, breeds pugs. She has proudly shown me more than one litter. This of course scares me. I could see this man asking a child to come over and look at the new puppies, which wouldn't be a lie, because they breed dogs, and usually have a litter!

I am rambling, but i would like some objective advice on this.

I have to run an errand, but will be back and check in.

I know i am upset, but what does one do about this? outside of seeling my home and moving?

 

[sadie_sabot]

Well, don't sell your home and move. Sex offenders are everywhere, most of them NOT registered...so you've got a wee advantage with this situation actually.

Gosh, I just read Protecting the Gift and I can't think what the appropriate response might be, from that perspective.

I will be watching to see what others think...

 

[hvl25]

we have had 3 attempted abductions in my area , one at the corner in the last couple of weeks. i have spoken at length with my kids and given them specific scenarios of things someone may say to get them to go with them. we used puppies, kittens, i'm lost and need directions, i'm hurt can you help me, your mom/dad want me to bring you home, i have ice cream, candy, food, pop, etc and explained that under no circumstances are they to go with anyone without coming to get me first. My 6yo and 3yo are not allowed out front without me or their 11yo brother. we have a registered sex offender about 2 blocks from us also, if my 11yo rides around the block he goes past this house. So I have been careful to talk to him about this house, show him the house and let him know he is not to talk to anyone over there if he rides around the block. I have stopped letting him do that since the 3 attempted's though and we are starting a block watch in our sub.

 

[fluffernutter]

Why not scare him? I'd rather my kid be scared of strangers than to be a victim. I don't know, maybe they are other ways. I'm definately no expert.

 

[diamond lil]

I would point the house out to your child and gently explain that he must not go near the house, under any circumstances. When and if you see the offender outside and your child is with you, quietly point out the offender and explain that he/she must stay away from that specific person.

Remind your child of it from time to time that we do not go near that house or talk to the family, (because he/she can honestly forget). Make sure that your voice never registers hysteria or malice; your child can pick up on these tones and misinterpret them. The important thing is to remain calm when explaining the "off-limits" house to your child.

There is no need to unnecessarily frighten or alarm your child. Simply and calmly state that the home and it's family are off-limits. Encourage your child to confide in you if he/she ever comes into contact with the home or family.

When two registered offenders moved into our area, a police office came and spoke to a gathering of concerned neighbors on how to address this issue with our neighborhood children. We live in a very small town, and the police could make time to do this. If you are still concerned, call your local police department and ask if they have any guidelines on how parents can bring up this issue with young children. Your state police website may also have a FAQ section on this topic too.

Good luck to you!

 

[Lucky Charm]

Quote:

Why not scare him? I'd rather my kid be scared of strangers than to be a victim.

You have a point, and i have thought of it, in fact my first instinct was to scream "never go near that house or anyone that comes in or out of it! A bad person lives there! (the truth, where in lies the rub).

Quote:

I would point the house out to your child and gently explain that he must not go near the house, under any circumstances. When and if you see the offender outside and your child is with you, quietly point out the offender and explain that he/she must stay away from that specific person.

I will most likely do this. I have just wanted to calm down before i talk with him.

Its not like we have never spoken about this issue, and he has no reason to go over there as there are no small children living in the home. But still.

Quote:

i have spoken at length with my kids and given them specific scenarios of things someone may say to get them to go with them. we used puppies, kittens, I'm lost and need directions, I'm hurt can you help me, your mom/dad want me to bring you home, i have ice cream, candy, food, pop, etc and explained that under no circumstances are they to go with anyone without coming to get me first

Good idea about the scenarios. I will do that especially with the puppies, as they breed dogs. I am sure if he brought a puppy out and called him over he might be tempted.

 

[katt]

My mom used to do Role Play with us. Mostly for kidnapping issues, never other issues, but it might help.

 

[Greaseball]

Does your child play at the houses of other children in the neighborhood? If so, be sure you know the supervision habits of the adults in those houses. It could be the offender has access to some of the other houses that your dc may play at.

Your police dept should be able to tell you exactly who the guy is, so you don't have to guess. You should be able to get a photo. Then if you see him talking to any other children alone, you can call his parole officer.

What about papering the neighborhood; ostracizing the guy so he moves?

 

[babybugmama]

You can also teach them a code word that the person must use in order for them to listen at all. So for example if a person asks ds to come see the litter of puppies (or whatever), ds asks what's the password? And then when the person doesn't know it...run for home as fast as his little legs will carry him.

I agree there is nothing wrong with scaring them a little...terrorizing no. But I would also observe him a lot when he's playing and see how he is. I think it's also dependent on his personality. My dd is very shy, but I know of others children who are so outgoing and frankly it's more of a concern for them.

 

[Yooper]

I feel your pain. I just looked up our state's registry only to learn that we have one just around the corner....and who knows about the ones that are under the radar. Dd is only 22 months so obviously I am not having the talk yet, but I have been worried for myself. I am sort of mad at myself for even looking it up. Now I have this "boggieman" fear when really I should just ALWAYS be vigilant. I think it is important for you to role play with dc. You don't want dc to think that this is the only bad guy. Kids need to know how to handle running into anyone that makes them uncomfy if they are of age to be playing without your supervision. It might even hit home a little better to make a play together or with other kids to really address the issue.

On the papering idea.....it probably would not work. First, they gotta live somewhere and if they have a parent to live with for free, no amount of humiliation is going to get them moved. Second, if he knows who did it he can make your life miserable. And third, there are sex offenders, registered and not, everywhere and getting this guy to leave will only give your dc the idea that "all is safe" and that slandering is OK. While I would love to see scum like this have a happy place to go where they are FAR away from me and everyone else, the fact is once they do their time they are just as free as you and me to live where they choose. Certain "papering" might be bordering on illegal.

 

[Greaseball]

If not actual papering, the other neighbors still need to be warned. They may not know about this guy. It's not illegal to go door-to-door and tell everyone.

 

[Happypants]

colorado has fairly liberal open records laws, and if it's likely that he committed the crime in your county (or city, if it was police, not sheriff) it should be fairly easy and inexpensive to visit your local law enforcement agency and get a copy of the report on the sex offense. you'd have to have his name and dob for that, but if you can find him again on the offender registry, that should be easy.

i suggest going to all this trouble b/c sex offense on a child could be something heinous, or it could be a young adult having sex w/an underage teenager. which could be considered heinous by some, but not in the same boat as an adult molesting a young child. i would want to know what i was dealing with as far as the sex offender thing went. if you're not sure where the crime was committed, you can do a criminal background check on the cbi website for $6 and change, and that will tell you where it was committed.

i had a password when a was a kid, and luckly never had to use it. but better safe, right?

 

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

i am soaking up the info posted... my kids dont go outside without me or dh, but as ds gets older, i am sure he is going to want to play more than i cna be out with him.

 

[Fianna]

I think talking to him honestly and openly is the best way to go. I had a similar conversation with my 6-yr-old not so long ago. Not only did I want to make sure she knew how to handle "strangers" approaching her with standard lures (can you help me find my puppy, etc.) I also wanted to talk to her about "authority figures" and how she didn't have to listen to a grown up if that person made her feel uncomfortable (dd started public school last year). I also went ahead and told her about some of the things that "bad people" tell kids to make them keep secrets they shouldn't keep, and we had a good conversation about it. I was worried that it might scare her, but I decided that I'd rather arm her with the information and risk scaring her. And I'll be repeating the conversation at the end of summer before school starts again.

 

[A&A]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fluffernutter Why not scare him? I'd rather my kid be scared of strangers than to be a victim. I don't know, maybe they are other ways. I'm definately no expert.

I grew up scared. It sucked, big time. There are better ways of explaining this to your kids.

 

[hvl25]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greaseball If not actual papering, the other neighbors still need to be warned. They may not know about this guy. It's not illegal to go door-to-door and tell everyone.

we just did this at our first block watch meeting. made an announcement about him, his name/age and address.

 

[Mothra]

Quote:

Why not scare him? I'd rather my kid be scared of strangers than to be a victim.

Because strangers are not the people most dangerous to your children. Your child is far, far more likely to be a victim of a crime at the hands of someone you know than a stranger.

I'd warn him away from that particular house. You have knowledge of a specific danger. I would not be vague, I'd speak in no uncertain terms and tell him that someone bad lives in that house and he is to stay away from it.

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker is a really, really good book. It really puts into perspective the dangers that our children face.

 

[Lucky Charm]

Quote:

Because strangers are not the people most dangerous to your children. Your child is far, far more likely to be a victim of a crime at the hands of someone you know than a stranger.

True. Mothra, i have started to talk with him and warned him of the house.

Quote:

it should be fairly easy and inexpensive to visit your local law enforcement agency and get a copy of the report on the sex offense. you'd have to have his name and dob for that, but if you can find him again on the offender registry, that should be easy.

I will either go the the PD or ask one of the police officers this week at work to fax me the information. I have his DOB, his name and address. I will request a picture.

Quote:

If not actual papering, the other neighbors still need to be warned. They may not know about this guy. It's not illegal to go door-to-door and tell everyone

I have already planned to do this. I will tell my neighbors on both sides, and the few that i know personally. I will make copies of the report and give it to them.

Quote:

First, they gotta live somewhere and if they have a parent to live with for free, no amount of humiliation is going to get them moved.

If he is on the home, and he is the new adult male i see there, then you are right. no way will he leave even if i plaster the place with flyer's. and i am sure my life will be made a living hell.

I appreciate all the feedback.

 

[elyice]

I would move.
I would find a way.
Those predators are WILD ANIMALS. I would not stay where there was a ravenous wild lion outside of my door.
Sorry. I agree with most ofthe other posts regarding warning you child extensively.
And NO sexual deviants that have a dangerous appetite for children are NOT everywhere. Yes there are thousands but they are in the minority, it is abnormal. Do I leave my doors unlocked? absolutely not, do I trust stangers with my kids? absolutely not. But I do hope that the people closest to my home while we sleep at night are not predators. I have gladly moved twice because I knew my neighbors were child rapist wannabes (as far as I know). One went so far as to say something disgusting reagrding my 1 1/2 year old daughter...
no way no how would I stay there.

 

[Yooper]

Actually they are everywhere...... Moving will not solve the problem. I went to the registry to look up my zip code. They are scattered all over my town. For kicks I looked up every zip code I have lived in, the zips of friends and families, and the zips of surrounding towns. There are several in every zip. And ironically the zip code that has the worst reputation for crime actually had the least offenders listed. Moving will only create a false sense of security. The fact is many offenders are not listed or have never been caught. You never know for sure if one is living next door. Knowing where one offender lives is helpful to open dialouge with your kids and talk aboout the overall danger of assalt from strangers AND people they know. Moving just gives kids the impression that they are to be scared of every shady seeming person and running away is the best tactic. I also second finding out exactly what his charge was. At least half of the offenders in my zip are young men (as in less than 25 years old) that were charged with having relations with a minor over 16. There is a difference between ticked off parents turning in their 17 year old dd's 19 year old bf and some guy that is preying on little kids at the park. Although in this case you know there is other activity going on in and aroun this house that your dc should not have ANYTHING to do with them.

A little OT, but I noticed that in many cases several registered offenders will live in one apartment building often rooming with each other. I cannot imagine that the apartment was advertising for offenders to come live with them. It sort of looks like the state or someone is housing them or assisiting to house them like a halfway house situation. Anyone know what this might be? Dh suggested that they might get housing assistance so that they will stay in one place and make it easier to keep them registered.