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What is the appropriate thing to do when, at a dinner with the in-laws, comments are getting tossed around about "special ed kid" this and "special ed kid" that? These comments were relating to some kid my husband and his brothers had gone to school with, but then "special ed" started getting used as a sort of stupid/crazy synonym.<br><br>
My in-laws like me, I like them, and I think they just think I'm really really bookish and put down any other weirdnesses about me to cultural differences ("She's a hippie who grew up without a TV--that's why she doesn't get pop culture"). So I don't think they think of this as a big deal.<br><br>
Can I just say "I was in special ed all through school, you know. Can you please pass the mashed potatoes?" and leave it at that?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Individuation</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Can I just say "I was in special ed all through school, you know. Can you please pass the mashed potatoes?" and leave it at that?</div>
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Yup. That's what I would do.<br><br>
This reminds me of when I met my husband and he told me he had seven brothers and sisters. Jokingly, I said, "So your mother's a real hussy" (JOKING, people). He laughed, then said, "Actually, she's dead."<br><br>
That was the last time I said something like that again.<br><br>
Saying your idea above, I'm sure, will have the same effect.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Individuation</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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Can I just say "I was in special ed all through school, you know. Can you please pass the mashed potatoes?" and leave it at that?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Yes, you <i>can...</i>that would be one way to approach it...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br>
Honestly, it seems that your in-laws have very little perspective of the reality of special education. I teach fourth graders, and 7 of my 23 students receive special services. In my 10 year teaching career, this has been a fairly typical proportion. Your in-laws are, effectively, making fun of quite a large sector of the population and they don't even realize it. I am not suggesting it would be more appropriate if the population of people receiving special support was smaller but just noting that, in addition to making offensive remarks, they seem to possess a very limited view of what "special ed" really entails. Perhaps you could find some way to elucidate this for them?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kchoffmann</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7936008"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This reminds me of when I met my husband and he told me he had seven brothers and sisters. Jokingly, I said, "So your mother's a real hussy" (JOKING, people). He laughed, then said, "Actually, she's dead."<br><br>
That was the last time I said something like that again.<br><br>
Saying your idea above, I'm sure, will have the same effect.</div>
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I do agree. Off topic but...when I met MY husband, we studied together in our college library. A librarian approached me and asked me to be quiet, after which I remarked, "I hate librarians." Dh calmly stated: <i>Both my parents are librarians.</i> And they are, to this day. And I actually <i>like</i> them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
So yeah, I do think you can make a powerful point by way of using yourself as an example.
 

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Yep. When people make "short bus" comments, I say, "well, my ds may be on that short bus very soon." They shut up.
 

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OT: At my 12yo niece's pool party I brought my 4 yos communication device for the first time and my MIL asked what it was and I said it was a talker and my SIL said "Everyone loves a talker!"<br><br>
My 4yo son can't talk.<br><br>
Sincerly,<br>
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 10, 9, 7, and 46 mos
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Individuation</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Can I just say "I was in special ed all through school, you know. Can you please pass the mashed potatoes?" and leave it at that?</div>
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That's what I would say.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Individuation</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What is the appropriate thing to do when, at a dinner with the in-laws, comments are getting tossed around about "special ed kid" this and "special ed kid" that? These comments were relating to some kid my husband and his brothers had gone to school with, but then "special ed" started getting used as a sort of stupid/crazy synonym.<br></div>
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It's an ignorance thing. I know for a while there "Gay" was used as a slang word. I had nothing against gay people (my Aunt is Lesbian and she is one of the neatest people I know!) but I got ropped into the habit of saying something was so "gay."<br>
Then there is "retarded." Some people say something is stupid, others use the term "retarded." They dont think about who might be around, and might here, and take it in a different way, like to mean what it ACTUALLY means.<br>
I chock it up to being ignorant of the fact that those terms when used in the manner they are used at times, are extremely hurtful. The person doesn't think twice when they say it, but if they had actually been around/raising/raised by someone with that issue, then I doubt they would use the terms so loosly.<br>
I would just bring up with them that you understand they aren't trying to be offensive, but you would appreciate if they didnt use hurtful terms and joke about people with lesser abilities around you.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
BTW, I hope no one is bothered that I responded in this forum because Im not a part of it, but it was the most recent post and I felt I could add to it!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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