[mamaley]

I'll try to keep this short and sweet. Ds is one of the youngest in his class, but socially gets along great with all the kids--he's very well liked. Academically though, he's much slower than the other kids. I didn't mind this before, but now he's noticing it and it's starting to affect him. I watch 2 other first graders in the afternoon and I had to stop having them all do homework together because ds would get really upset and leave the room when they finished before him--usually 20 minutes before him, and I help him the most. He's not competitive at all, so I really think it's a confidence thing. I've never seen him like this before--he's so laid back, and very sweet, and it just breaks my heart.<br><br>
Here's the thing--we're moving this summer, and he'll be in a new school. Should I consider having him do first grade there, if he's ok with it (dh and I would have to talk about it, and if we decided it would be the best thing, I think we'd talk to ds and he'd have to be ok with it).

 

[mamaley]

I wrote that very quickly, and left a lot out.<br><br>
He just reached grade level reading this month, which is technically good enough to go on to the next grade. Reading and writing have been big challenges for him, but he is making progress. However--and I know I'm not supposed to compare (and I don't in front of him) the other first graders I know seem to be so far ahead of him in these areas. He's good with math and very interested in science. Socially, he is doing great.<br><br>
I guess if it's just reading and writing, I should have him go on to second grade...?

 

[moondiapers]

Have the new school give him a placement test. The new school may be a little behind his current one and he'll be on par with the other kids.

 

[doulatara]

My daughter's best friend is in 1st grade for the second time due to the exact same reasons. I think it was the perfect age for her to stay back, and it seems like she is really benefiting from it. School is so much more fun for her this year, where as last year she really didn't like it at all. The only issues that she was upset about was the prospect of not being in class w/ my daughter b/c they had been together for kindergarten and 1st grade previously....but now they are happy just to see eachother at lunch and recess. I would say now that your son is changing schools would be the perfect time to do it.

 

[escher]

I often see that children who are young and who are struggling a little bit academically end up being much stronger and happer students if they wait a year and are on the older end of the class. It is certainly only going to get harder to repeat a grade as he gets older. What does his current teacher think?

 

[applejuice]

I can only say that often times parents in recent years have kept their son out a year so that the boy can compete more in sports, i.e., he would be a year older than the other guys on the field; however since so many are doing this, the effect is now nil.<br><br>
Keep in mind that boys tend to learn to read and write alittle behind the curve. That is a fact. I used to think this was a sexist attitude, but no, after many years of being the mother of sons and daughters and the teacher of MANY, it is true. Boys simply want to get out and run more than little girls who will sit, talk and communicate more. They level out after a while, but since you have a first grader, that is where your little guy may be. Just guessing, but an educated, experienced guess.

 

[shelbean91]

My dd's friend is in this exact situation- she's repeating 1st next year.

 

[applejuice]

Just a point to be made here: I was told this by one first grade teacher and have not been able to collaborate it - that if a child repeats a grade, the school district is not reimbursed by the state for that child repeating that grade.<br><br>
I received a great deal of resistance when I decided to hold my DS back one year from the LAUSD and this is the reason I suspect. He should have been held back earlier, but the school district was quite content to continue to pass him on without any remediation. I held him back under pressure from a lawyer and a lawsuit. I took him out of school each day for his private tutoring since he was not being taught anything meaningful in school. Therefore the school got a big "$0" for him that year since when he was out of school. He was NOT sick when he was absent and I said so in each of his absence notes.<br><br>
Again, does anyone know if this is true? That the State does not reimburse the school district for the ADA if the student is repeating that year? I am in CA.

 

[shelbean91]

As far as I know, the schools are paid based on head count and that's it. I don't think the state has the time or resources to check every school to see which kids are repeating. There was a charter school here that was closed down b/c they were inflating their enrollment numbers. When they were audited and caught, they had to pay back the money they received and couldn't afford to stay open any longer.

 

[BethSLP]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>applejuice</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7981564"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Again, does anyone know if this is true? That the State does not reimburse the school district for the ADA if the student is repeating that year? I am in CA.</div>
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I have never heard this before, but I am not in your state.<br><br>
If it were me, I would put him in 1st grade again at the new school. He's young, which is the time to do it. Also, he's showing major signs of frustration and comparing himself to others, etc. Its a HUGE bonus that he'll be at a new school anyhow. None of the other children will know that he was retained (i.e. won't have his classmates move ahead of him, etc.)<br><br>
As someone who works in elementary schools, I would very confidently make that decision. He will gain a ton of confidence doing 1st again, get an extra year to mature, and so forth. The fact that he's the youngest in the class just makes it even more logical.<br><br>
Basically, I can't see really any negatives to repeating Ist in your situation. What I hate to see if kiddos like this continue just making it by the skin of their teeth each year, grow increasingly frustrated, etc. I have seen kids in this situation who were retained early really flourish that second time around and are all the better for it, and really ready to go on the next year.<br><br>
I know a woman in her 60s who was the youngest in her class growing up. She was an administrator at our school. She always told the parents how she really would have been much happier with an extra year early on. She said she always felt just a bit behind and felt stressed out trying to keep up with her classmates.<br><br>
If it were me, I'd do it without hesitation.<br><br>
Best of luck!<br>
XOXO<br>
B

 

[captivatedlife]

If you think the positive <b>educational</b> benefits outweigh the potential harmful effects (knowing he was held back, etc) then I say go for it.<br><br>
As a side note, kids are JUST supposed to be hitting grade level reading right about now.... that's the goal....

 

[mamaley]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">As a side note, kids are JUST supposed to be hitting grade level reading right about now.... that's the goal....</td>
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Really? I had no idea, though i guess it makes sense.<br><br>
I talked to his teacher about it. I love her, but I kind of get the feeling that she is so proud of his progress (she should be! She's worked hard with him) and might be a little put off by us thinking that he's not prepared for 2nd grade, though I could be wrong. She said she'd do another reading assessment and let me know. Anyway, as for making this decision we're not getting much feedback from her, and so it looks like it's for us to decide on our own...it's a tough decision!<br><br>
Thanks again for all the feedback.

 

[Dawnn]

Oh mama, we're almost in the same boat as you. Difference is that I work with my kids over the summer. At the beginning of the year he tested as the best reader in the first grade. Now at almost the end of the year he's testing in the lowest group. Same with his math skills. Amazingly enough, my kids' teachers have been overwhelmingly supportive of me homeschooling next year! My older son's teacher told me I'm already a homeschooler and just send my kids to school to socialize. My 1st grader might be repeating first grade too, I just don't think I can homeschool them both. (hugs)

 

[applejuice]

If your son started at the top of his class at the beginning of the school year and ends the year at the bottom, I would wonder what is going on with his teacher; he spends most of his waking hours in the classroom with her. What could possibly be going on? I know that some children digress and regress, but that is too much of a backslide and the teacher is accountable. I have been a teacher and I would always be on top of warning parents about panic button events like this.

 

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I have only seen what it does to a older child to be held back so speaking from that stand point I cant see me allowing either of my kids to be held back in school.

 

[BethSLP]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MCatLvrMom2A&X</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8055522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have only seen what it does to a older child to be held back so speaking from that stand point I cant see me allowing either of my kids to be held back in school.</div>
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But what does it do to a child to always come in last and struggle and fight their way through each grade?<br><br>
And especially in this instance, the child is going to a new school so it will potentially do nothing even remotely negative. His peers won't know, etc.<br><br>
As far as I'm concerned, younger retentions are usually no big deal and are done to AVOID retentions later on in life when it can be devastating to a child's self esteem.<br><br>
I've found time and time again, that retention in the younger grades has everything to do with how the parents view it. If the parent has a good attitude, the kid is completely fine with it. The ones who feel bad about it, usually do so because the parents have been fighting retention, have a negative view of it, and its been communicated to the children.<br><br>
I don't think a child who starts off at the top and ends up in the lowest group can easily be attributed to the teacher. Esp. not in an early grade. When a child is immature (esp. the youngest in the class) they can "hit a wall" in a certain area if they are just not mature enough. Doesn't mean the teacher failed. I disagree with this assumption.<br><br>
Anyhow, best of luck to you!<br>
XOXO<br>
B

 

[Milkymommy]

My DD is going to be repeating first grade next year. She is the youngest student in her grade. I really believe that this will be the right decision for our family. As a previous poster mentioned, the attitude of the family can reallly make a huge difference.<br><br>
In our case, my dd is on board with the decision. She is aware that she is the youngest in her class and that she is much closer in age to her good friend who is in Kindergarten this year.<br><br>
she knows that repeating first grade will give her extra practice reading.<br><br>
She probably could have gone on to second grade, but it would have been a struggle for her and she would have had to spend a great deal of time with a tutor to keep up. It also would have meant that she would not be able to do any extra - curriculars and she really enjoys soccer and wants to do cheer.

 

[mamaley]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>applejuice</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7980429"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Keep in mind that boys tend to learn to read and write alittle behind the curve. That is a fact. I used to think this was a sexist attitude, but no, after many years of being the mother of sons and daughters and the teacher of MANY, it is true. Boys simply want to get out and run more than little girls who will sit, talk and communicate more. They level out after a while, but since you have a first grader, that is where your little guy may be. Just guessing, but an educated, experienced guess.</div>
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Having a son and a daughter, I don't think it's sexist at all. I've actually thought a lot about this. Dh said that reading didn't click with him until he was almost in 3rd grade, and math until he was in 4th. However, he graduated at the top of his high school class and is finishing a ph.d. He still is a horrible speller though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> but he's great at math and science, and has a true passion for them. My ds reminds me so much of him in many ways, and i wonder if this is the case with him--we just need to give him some time, and at some point everything will just "click".

 

[mamaley]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Milkymommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8056382"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My DD is going to be repeating first grade next year. She is the youngest student in her grade. I really believe that this will be the right decision for our family. As a previous poster mentioned, the attitude of the family can reallly make a huge difference.<br><br>
In our case, my dd is on board with the decision. She is aware that she is the youngest in her class and that she is much closer in age to her good friend who is in Kindergarten this year.<br><br>
she knows that repeating first grade will give her extra practice reading.<br><br>
She probably could have gone on to second grade, but it would have been a struggle for her and she would have had to spend a great deal of time with a tutor to keep up. It also would have meant that she would not be able to do any extra - curriculars and she really enjoys soccer and wants to do cheer.</div>
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Good to hear from someone who has recently made this choice. That's great that you guys made a decision and feel so good about it--and that dd does too! I'm jealous. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I just wish i could make a decision and know it's the best one for him...<br><br>
When and how did you decide that this was what you wanted to do for her?

 

[mamaley]

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BethSLP</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8056327"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But what does it do to a child to always come in last and struggle and fight their way through each grade?<br><br>
And especially in this instance, the child is going to a new school so it will potentially do nothing even remotely negative. His peers won't know, etc.<br><br>
As far as I'm concerned, younger retentions are usually no big deal and are done to AVOID retentions later on in life when it can be devastating to a child's self esteem.<br><br>
B</div>
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Exactly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Although when I talked to his teacher recently, she said she thought he had really improved on his reading, and his confidence seems great. But when I see what other kids his age are doing (and I know quite a few of them), it takes ds much more time and effort to do the same assignment, and he needs more help than the other kids. Even as a baby though, he caught on to things a little slower than other babies--some motor skills, talking, etc. But he eventually learned to lift his head, walk, and talk just fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm pretty sure this is something where I need to wait and let him develop at his own pace--but would it be better for him to do that in first or second grade? And the one big issue for me is that he gets along so well with the kids in his grade, and makes friends very easily--I don't want to mess that up.<br>
Wow, I'm rambling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: