[mamarsupial]

okay, i have an issue...i try to be very respectful of my child's 'no' or 'please don't' when it comes to most things, especially her body. BUT...

lately, when getting her washed or dressed, she often protests. in the tub, when i wash her hair or body, she says 'please don't!'. she wants to be naked all the time, so she'll scream when we get her dressed (even when its 40 degrees outside).

hearing 'NO' in relation to her physical self bothers me. i want her to know that it is her right to say 'no' in relation to anyone touching her, even me, and that the 'no' should be respected...PERIOD.

BUT, how then do i get the spaghetti out of her hair and clothes on her on a cold day????

 

[Wendi]

I would give her choices... ask her to "help" you to wash herself off... I often give Max one washcloth and I use another on him. I ask him to wash his nose... feet... belly, etc. and he has fun doing it (but doesn't do a very good job if there is real dirt stuck to him!) I use the other washcloth while he is busy with his and he barely notices. Also give her choices about what she wants to wear. "You must get dressed, would you like to wear this pink shirt, or the one with the frog on it?"

 

[mamarsupial]

i really like the washcloth idea. thanks. we actually have two bath poof things that look like a dolphin or a frog, so we could each use one of those too. she likes to wash MY hair, so i've tried to make deals with her ("you can wash my hair and i will wash your hair.")

when getting dressed, we do give her choices. we probably gave her too many at first ("what do you want to wear?" versus "do you want to wear this dress OR this jumper?").

i think part of the problem is that she wants to get dressed by herself, but it gets complicated. even if we're in a hurry, i'll allow time for her to dress herself...but then if i go to nurse or change dd2 and when i'm done, dd1 is nude again.

 

[HotMama]

Quote:

Originally posted by mamarsupial BUT, how then do i get the spaghetti out of her hair and clothes on her on a cold day????

Dd loves to do what I do, and lately this means showering with dh or I. I just lean over her with shampoo going from my hair to hers, I wiggle her hair a bit to clean it, and she loves it!

Now the clothes thing...we've been playing fun music, but mainly anything that's a distraction seems to help my little nudist, who doesn't yet realize it can't be summer all year. I think I'm in trouble though, as she's learned to remove many of her clothes! Luckily, she almost always has a pair of wooly underwear on (long sleeves and tights) and that is very difficult to remove.

 

[LuvMy2Kidz]

DD insists on washing her own hair, to the point of covering her head and screaming if I try to help LOL If it doesn't get clean enough the first time, we wash again, she doesn't mind b/c she likes washing LOL Maybe offer to let HER wash herself and don't fret if she doesn't get completely clean, just throw her in the tub again a little later and let her wash again:LOL

 

[justmama]

I had this same problem because I too want to make sure my daughter knows that I respect her and her body and her wishes. She knows that she is allowed to say no to kisses and hugs if she's not ready to give or get them. If someone asks for a kiss and she doesn't want to give one, she says no and that's that. That's the end of discussion. BUT I had the same problem as you are having. You might not see eye to eye with me on this but I have taught M that while I respect her choices and her body, there are some certain things I do not negotiate on. When she is dirty, she must be cleaned and when she is naked and weather doesn't permit, she must be clothed. For example, I do not force a bath everyday if she is not wanting one but if she is filthy, she will hve to take a bath. I do make it fun though. I will shower with her or bathe with her or put colored ice cubes into her bath with her or make funny hairdos while I wash her hair and hand her a mirror to see, etc etc etc. For clothing, I put out clothing for both of us and we race to see who can dress the fastest(good stiff competition works with ANYTHING on my dd) and she always ends up laughing and saying, "mumma, I beat you AGAIN!" ::shocked surprise:: Why yes you did Madyson, you must be getting good at this! Sometimes I lay out our clothing and put on some upbeat music and we dance while we hop into pants or swing our shirts around. A little naked dancing is a great cure for a sour mood!!!! He he he. We make face washing a game. For example, "hey wait a minute, what's that on your face? Hey, now it's on your neck! Wait a minute, slow down spot, let me get you! (tickling) So I absolutely will not negotiate on some things. I do, however, make it a game for us and try to keep the fighting to a minimum because I just honestly do not have the energy to fight her over silly things like that. Sometimes if she's adament that she not wear a coat outside and it's 40 degrees out, I say okay fine, but I carry the coat with me for when she's cold. Natural consequences work well. Or sometimes I will sorta bribe her with responsibilities. she loves to help so if she's grumping about putting on some clothes I will tell her to hurry up and get dressed so she can feed her cat or so she can help me carry my stuff downstairs to the car. That only works about 50% of the time though and I usually have to resort to humor. I think we can still respect our children's wishes while keeping them clean, safe, and happy. It's a tough balance. Good luck.
Hey I just thought of this. Maybe cool pictures taped to the ceiling above the tub for her to look at while you wash spaghetti out of her hair. Or maybe telling her that you have to get dressed and go to the grocery store/library/etc but that if she gets dressed quickly she can pick out what music you listen to in the car. It's not a bribe really, it's just a deal. You keep your end of the bargain, she keeps hers. Again, good luck.
Meg