I had this same problem because I too want to make sure my daughter knows that I respect her and her body and her wishes. She knows that she is allowed to say no to kisses and hugs if she's not ready to give or get them. If someone asks for a kiss and she doesn't want to give one, she says no and that's that. That's the end of discussion. BUT I had the same problem as you are having. You might not see eye to eye with me on this but I have taught M that while I respect her choices and her body, there are some certain things I do not negotiate on. When she is dirty, she must be cleaned and when she is naked and weather doesn't permit, she must be clothed. For example, I do not force a bath everyday if she is not wanting one but if she is filthy, she will hve to take a bath. I do make it fun though. I will shower with her or bathe with her or put colored ice cubes into her bath with her or make funny hairdos while I wash her hair and hand her a mirror to see, etc etc etc. For clothing, I put out clothing for both of us and we race to see who can dress the fastest(good stiff competition works with ANYTHING on my dd) and she always ends up laughing and saying, "mumma, I beat you AGAIN!" ::shocked surprise:: Why yes you did Madyson, you must be getting good at this! Sometimes I lay out our clothing and put on some upbeat music and we dance while we hop into pants or swing our shirts around. A little naked dancing is a great cure for a sour mood!!!! He he he. We make face washing a game. For example, "hey wait a minute, what's that on your face? Hey, now it's on your neck! Wait a minute, slow down spot, let me get you! (tickling) So I absolutely will not negotiate on some things. I do, however, make it a game for us and try to keep the fighting to a minimum because I just honestly do not have the energy to fight her over silly things like that. Sometimes if she's adament that she not wear a coat outside and it's 40 degrees out, I say okay fine, but I carry the coat with me for when she's cold. Natural consequences work well. Or sometimes I will sorta bribe her with responsibilities. she loves to help so if she's grumping about putting on some clothes I will tell her to hurry up and get dressed so she can feed her cat or so she can help me carry my stuff downstairs to the car. That only works about 50% of the time though and I usually have to resort to humor. I think we can still respect our children's wishes while keeping them clean, safe, and happy. It's a tough balance. Good luck.
Hey I just thought of this. Maybe cool pictures taped to the ceiling above the tub for her to look at while you wash spaghetti out of her hair. Or maybe telling her that you have to get dressed and go to the grocery store/library/etc but that if she gets dressed quickly she can pick out what music you listen to in the car. It's not a bribe really, it's just a deal. You keep your end of the bargain, she keeps hers. Again, good luck.