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Discussion Starter #1
Ugh. I wish I wouldn't have stumbled across this.. but I found my 15yo SILs myspace page, it's private, but her display pic is a photo of her in her underwear. Do I tell my MIL or leave it alone? Do I tell my husband? I just really need to ask.. WWYD? Something tells me to MMOB but something else tells me that her posting revealing photos of herself on the internet for the world to see could land her in alot of trouble- or danger.
 

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If you were her mother wouldn't you want to know? I would tell MIL. Maybe ask her to keep it private that you were the one who told her so SIL doesn't get angry at you.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do. I could really care less about her getting angry with me, it's just that we live in the same home (well, separate aparments) and I don't want all craziness to break loose. I don't know if I should tell my husband though. It's his little sister, kwim?
 

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If it was me and if my dh's youngest sister was still under age, I would tell dh and let him be the one to talk to his sister and/or parents about it.
 

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It depends on the relationship you have with mil, and that dh has w/ his sis. My dh is 8 years older than his sis, and they aren't very close. I've always dealt directly with my sil or mil, rather than using dh as an intermediary. We've had some real issues to deal with, too.<br>
I get the "if you were the mom, wouldn't you want to know"- well, yes, but I would also want the issue to be dealt with in a manner that makes my dd realize the seriousness and change her behaviour. If you are close to sil, maybe YOU could just talk to her?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
MIL and I are pretty close- we have our moments for sure- and don't see eye to eye on everything.. but I'm closer to MIL than SIL. DH isn't close to his sister at all. I think I'll fill him in but deal with MIL directly.
 

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I would mention it. But I would pose it more as an internet / social networking overall safety issue not an issue of this one picture. I'd take this time to talk to you MIL about ways to monitor her daughters social networking site usage. For example some parents require their children to "friend" them, others ask that they have the password, some ask that their kids periodically show them the site. There are lots of options and different ones work for different families. I'd also help your MIL find some information that can be passed on to your SIL about how to keep herself safe online, internet privacy, and specifically some good practices for social networking sites.<br><br>
I encountered this with my 15 year old cousin. Unfortunately, I think it turned into more of an issue of the one picture and, honestly, that wasn't my biggest concern on her facebook page. My biggest concern was the amount of personal information such as school, after school activities, personal cell phone #, etc. she had made public. Coupled with a revealing photo I thought it was an important safety concern. Her mom got caught up in the photo and never addressed the more important concerns about keeping certain personal information private.
 

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I would tell. She is a minor and it is on a public page. So, it is not like you are invading her privacy. And it could be very dangerous for her.
 

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I would either tell MIL or talk to her myself, depending on how I feel the MIL would react. If MIL is going to freak out and go completely overboard, then I would take it up with SIL myself. If not, then I would pass the information on.
 

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I would tell my DH that I had found the site and ask him if he wanted me to talk to his mom or if he wanted to. It would be great if you could get her to take the pic down, but someone needs to be monitoring her activity.
 

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Well, I'd tell MIL and DH and anyone else I felt like telling, since SIL already "told" everyone by putting such a picture on a public site. Perhaps then she'll learn that the problem with posting such pictures is that people you don't want to see them will eventually see them, and next time it may not be mother, brother, and SIL, but the perv down the street.
 

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I'd tell your MIL. I told DH's aunt when his cousin was posting hateful remarks about women on his bebo page.
 

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I would talk to SIL about it first, and explain the concern.<br><br>
Maybe after hearing another point of view she would want to change the photo herself.
 

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Yeah, I'd start with SIL. Better to educate her and enable her to start making wiser decisions than to start with her mother, IMO.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Thanks again. I'm kind of worried that this will go in one ear and out the other- MIL is way, way too lenient with her. Which, IMO, isn't the smartest thing, seeing that she got pregnant in high school (with DH) as did I (with her granddaughter)... I think she should be trying to help her daughter make different decisions.<br><br>
A few weeks ago they had a crazy party at the house (well, in the garage) and there were about 40 teens in there from 7th grade to freshmen.. one girl was falling down drunk and vomited all over MILs house, MIL had to take her home, there was marijuana smoking and lots and lots of alcohol (they left their bottles there after!!). MIL is just totally not understanding.<br><br>
I'm sure some of you have teenagers. Heck, I'm <i>still</i> a teenager for another month. I just don't know how to deal with this. SIL is a role model for my girls- she is their only aunt. MIL doesn't take her phone, doesn't take her laptop, doesn't stop giving her a huge allowance even though she's broke. I got my first cell phone at 14, because I had to take the bus a long way to school. It came out of my room at night. There was no computer usage in my room, it remained in the dining room (even when mom got a laptop). I wasn't your average teenager that became pregnant, I was trying to give my dying mother a grandchild- it was her dying wish. I can't even put myself in SILs place because I have no idea what's going through her mind- I can't even begin to understand. She surely won't talk to me- I'm years ahead of her maturity-wise and we don't mesh at all. We don't clash, but when we speak it is no more than hello.<br><br>
I'm just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> and I don't know what to do. I know that if I tried I could dig some more dirt on SIL but I'm not sure that would change anything, and I don't want to go invading privacy (though I know whatever it is would be public anyhow..) Okay, sorry for the ramble. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Given all this, I think you're right to tell your husband and let him handle it. My first instinct would be to TELL TELL TELL and try to put a stop to it (I'd want someone to tell me if it were my daughter), but posting underwear pics on facebook seems pretty tame compared to having drinking parties at your house when you're 15. Overall, I can't see what good would come of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
True. But the photo is racy- borderline raunchy. My husband wouldn't handle it correctly (if there is even a correct way to handle this sort of thing) and he has told me that I need to talk to MIL. I'm able to have a smooth conversation with her, whereas one with my husband would likely result in a screaming match about SIL being spoiled which is beside the point.<br><br>
I don't even know how to approach MIL about this though- how does one go about telling someone that their daughter is exposing themselves for all the world to see?
 

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I'd do some googling and find lots of resources for MIL and for SIL. If she has the tools in hand to help her daughter make wiser decisions about using social networking sites and information about why doing so is important as it applies both to her as the parent and to her daughter it is more likely that she'll actually do something.<br><br>
So basically make it as easy for her to react in a productive way as possible by giving her all the tools to do so up front.<br><br>
I'd find articles or if she's not the type who would read articles or tip lists I'd look around for local workshops (many schools, churches and community groups offer this sort of thing) and go together.
 

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absolutely tell shes putting herself in danger and exploiting herself! who cares if she hates you her safety is what matters and she will get over it<br><br>
WOW on the MIL stuff....someone needs to help that child
 
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