well, it seems to help us when we talk about it. my experience was terrible but I am finding ways of building strength and positivity off of it. I lost my son at 19 1/2 weeks. premature labor. He was breach and i had to deliver him (with a screaming migraine making everything more horrible) and then the placenta wouldn't come out so had to have a spinal block for a d&c. Three days after this, my milk came in, so i had to also deal with getting that dried up. After two weeks, it finally dried up. I cried a lot, every day, for about two weeks. Now I cry sometimes, but usually when I feel lonely. Sometimes I cry because I'm already forgetting what he felt like in there. He was kicking me like crazy before he was born, and he had a heartbeat until he came out. They did tests on the placental tissue and they showed infection, and I had had a series of colds over about a month and a half that had made their way deep into my system and they think that is why it happened, that he was receiving this virus thru me and my body lost him to save me. For the longest time I had to know why, it became an obsession to know WHY, but once I accepted it for what it was, that no matter why it happened does not change the fact that it DID happen, and just accept THAT, only then was I able to move forward. After that point is when I found out about the viral infection, which is most likely to blame and there was nothing I could have done to change things.<br><br>
anyways, i bled for 7 1/2 weeks postpartum. then i had ten days of no period, then two weeks of pink spotting, so i went in. the spotting stopped and they did ultrasounds to rule out retained placenta, and they put me on progesterone (talk about a hormonal mood swing) to reset my cycle, for ten days i'm on progesterone and i have a week left, and then they told me to expect the worst and heaviest period i have ever had. joy. anyways, i am trying to take positivity out of this, and i plan to knit and crochet clothes for the babies that are born still, for the hospital where I delivered.<br><br>
I hope you find your path to healing and your hormones straighten out soon. I know how horrible it can be. I feel like mommy monster over here half the time with my almost 4 yo daughter, but i'm doing what I can to get back to where i need to be to ttc.
