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<p>I don't know what is wrong with me, but I know it is not healthy for a marriage.  We've been together for years.  I have zero passion.  I simply don't give a flying fig about sex.  And it isn't due to parenting because my (only) child is 7.  I have plenty of me time.  I just don't like it.  I certainly don't feel any passion for my DH even though he's a very good person and very kind to me.  I spent $$$ getting a lot of hormone etc testing done in the summer and nothing was way out of whack to explain the zero desire.</p>
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<p>We basically only DTD once every 2 months or so.  And that's when he's finally sick of waiting and sort of firmly encourages a "date".  lol.  (I don't mean he forces me....I mean he hints and asks etc until I know I have to or he won't shut up).   But how is it healthy to only have sex once very two months?!   But thinking about doing it more than that makes me feel a little nauseous.  I seriously could live to be 89 without ever having sex again.  It isn't like I hate my body.  I just dislike being touched.  And it feels like too much work.  I equate it with something like aerobic exercise.  For me it is kind of annoying and a chore and I really would rather not.  :(   I so much prefer relaxing with a glass of wine and reading a book or watching a movie rather than getting naked and "working out" for an hour.</p>
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<p>All the guys I know are just hungry for sex.  And many of the women I know wish they weren't.  What are we missing?!</p>
 

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<p>There are so many reasons not to enjoy sex and it's hard to know from your post what's going on, though it sounds like nursing and lack of sleep aren't issues for you.</p>
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<p>Can you tell us more? Did you ever enjoy sex? Is this lack of desire and passion a new thing?</p>
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<p>I know what you mean.  I have felt the same way for almost all of my marriage, it's hard!  A few months ago something inside me just snapped and I just absolutely could NOT do it again, ever.  Since then I've realized a lot of issues that have been going on in my marriage that were not good.  It's crazy how oblivious I was, and would have told anyone I had a great marriage, and now looking back I can't believe what I've put up with.  Right now we're kind of in limbo here, because I feel like I NEVER ever want to do it again, yet I don't want to make him live like that, and I don't want to live in that kind of marriage.  I'm not saying this to imply anything on your marriage, just empathizing, I know how you feel.</p>
 

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<p>Generalization: Women need connection to want sex.  Men need sex to want connection. </p>
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<p>Do you feel emotionally connected to your spouse?  If not, why not?  IME, first comes the desire to hug and be close.  Out of that closeness and touch comes the desire to have sex.</p>
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<p>eta...Having sex once every 2 months sounds like it would be awkward to me--too much distance between the two of you, too much need from him, too much pressure to make it count.  Low frequency alone may be negatively impacting your experience.  You might find it to be a lot more relaxed and pleasurable if you increase the frequency (assuming no other issues in the relationship).</p>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mommahhh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16108582"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>All the guys I know are just hungry for sex.  And many of the women I know wish they weren't.  What are we missing?!</p>
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I was in a marriage like that. First it broke my heart, then zapped my spirit, then turned me into a shell of a person, then made me batty & DESPERATE to do something to salvage my humanely existence.<br><br>
You're in a committed monogomous sexual/romantic relationship and committing emotional violence against your DH by denying him affection which is required for him to be a happy, balanced human, and family member. It degrades and immediately threatens the stability of your whole family.<br><br>
The problem is in you, based on the info you've shared. Fix it, take out the monogomous element in your marriage, or end the romantic relationship that you are incapable of fulfilling in a reasonable way.
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Butterflymom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16111407"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br>
I was in a marriage like that. First it broke my heart, then zapped my spirit, then turned me into a shell of a person, then made me batty & DESPERATE to do something to salvage my humanely existence.<br><br>
You're in a committed monogomous sexual/romantic relationship and committing emotional violence against your DH by denying him affection which is required for him to be a happy, balanced human, and family member. It degrades and immediately threatens the stability of your whole family.<br><br>
The problem is in you, based on the info you've shared. Fix it, take out the monogomous element in your marriage, or end the romantic relationship that you are incapable of fulfilling in a reasonable way.</div>
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Butterflymom (who stings like a bee!)-OUCH!  I think she was looking for constructive advice and support.  Not further belittlement she is already giving herself! </p>
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<p>Mommahhh- I'm sorry but don't have advice.  I hope you find a comfortable place for you both.<span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;"></span></p>
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<p>I disagree. I think butterflymom is absolutely right. It does huge damage to one's self esteem by not even attempting to have a sexual appetite. If you don't want to have sex with your husband, fine, but don't make it so he can't have sex, period.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mommahhh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16108582"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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<div class="quote-block">I so much prefer relaxing with a glass of wine and reading a book or watching a movie rather than getting naked and "working out" for an hour.</div>
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<br><br><p>Do you exercise at all?  I find that I have the most "appetite" when I'm physically active - something about the release of endorphins maybe.  Are there activities that you and your dh do together?  Have you looked into sex therapy?  Couples counseling?  What do you do to connect with each other when you aren't having sex?  Some people are "a-sexual" (might want to research it), but its pretty rare i think, and if you had drive before, you should look into other causes first (since you didn't mention if there were ever times that you did enjoy sex).</p>
 

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<p>Emotional violence?  That sounds kind of harsh, IMO.  I can completely understand where the OP is coming from and forcing yourself to have sex when you have NO desire can also lead to resentment.  This is coming from experience.  All I can say is to talk openly with your DH about it and let him know where you're coming from.  Then if you have even an inkling of desire, to act on it.   What I finally told my DP was that if he would stop bugging me about it and let me go about it on my own terms, then it would probably get better. And frankly, when you have little kids, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect less sex than before. Everybody sacrifices something.</p>
 

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<p>Since it's come up...I've been on both sides of this one. It sucks way worse to be the one who wants it and isn't getting it, ime. However, both sides suck, and I feel awful for the OP.</p>
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<p>OP: I don't have a lot of answers, but I do think that both being more active and trying to have more sex could help. Very infrequent sex doesn't lead to a satisfying sex life at all - it's like starting from scratch every time. I know that when dh and I have gone a long time without any (and there have been several of those spells, postpartum, etc.), it isn't as satisfying as when we're having it more regularly.</p>
 

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<p>I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know that your not alone in your experience. I started losing interest before I even had children and so I know that having little ones isn't the only thing at play for me either. I was making more of an effort prior to having kids, but since children I don't have the time or energy to get there..... Do you and your dh get enough alone time together and possibly fun enjoyable time away from home? I know for us it is worse during the post baby years. But I'm sure part of our problem too is that we don't get enough alone time. I mean like going out regularly without kids and just having fun together. For us it's money, or the lack of, which the stress of that alone is a zapper for me too.</p>
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<p>Dh tries to be understanding, but I know that it also plays into how our relationship is going.....which isn't sooo good. But I think we both know that we're in our marriage for the long haul and hope that things will improve and we'll have more time for eachother as time goes on.</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Gracesmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16111596"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><br>
I disagree. I think butterflymom is absolutely right. It does huge damage to one's self esteem by not even attempting to have a sexual appetite. If you don't want to have sex with your husband, fine, but don't make it so he can't have sex, period.</p>
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We are like 1 mind.... <img alt="nod.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nod.gif"><br><br>
The OP is in a crappy situation, so hugs to her or whatever, but her DH is in an unbearable, devastating, and <i>impossible</i> position if he happens to <b>not</b> want to get his needs met discretely elsewhere and break his marriage vows.<br><br>
Give him humane, reasonable options, or if you exhaust everything and cannot function as a real wife & poly or open marriage options are not possible, set him free to find actual contentment from life, because you are denying him that, and any shot at happiness as a normal adult human male (complete with normal human sexual needs which directly affect his mood, outlook, and <i>possibility</i> for happiness) and an enjoyable family life<br><br>
I wouldn't be this harsh if it didn't sound like she needed a wake up call. She doesn't sound broken up (on behalf of her poor DH) about what is going on. Read the end of her post. it's basically stereotyping all men as horny dogs and all most women as exasperated and varying only in degrees of tolerance to the nuisance of men's libidos. Talk about shirking responsibility for the romantic agreement/commitment/exclusivity-contract (marriage) she entered into willingly and knowingly with her DH. And now feels quite little motivation for solving this issue with her mate with the aim of upholding her nuptial promises in good faith.<br><br><br>
 

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<p>I agree with Butterfly to some extent......</p>
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<p>I do have to ask what is OP feelings about this low sex? Is he feeling neglected? I do believe you can have very little sex, but not feel neglected.</p>
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<p>I don't think opening up the marriage is the only answer or one that will always solve a problem. If a person is feeling neglected they are going to go to were they don't. If the marriage isn't fulfilling opening op will be a step towards the relationship falling apart.  It can be a solution in some cases, but that is if there is no emotional void. </p>
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<p>OP, what was your family's attitude about sex?  How about your partners? Are you caring negative attitudes? </p>
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<p>OP, you say an hour....have you suggested quickies verses long time.  Is he going so long because the time between long times of having sex he is taking to long?  Maybe trying to hard to rock your world so you want it more often?  15 minutes or less quickies can be just as satisfying if not more.  You both might be more satisfied with 10-15 minute quickies once a week than 2 times in 2 months.  Emotionally, your dh might feel better if you say we have 10 minutes want to bend me over the washer than going at it for an hour trying to please each other physically and emotionally.  When, I had a dip in sex drive this attitude actually help me want it more. </p>
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<p>OP, do you ever put sex as a first thought verses last?  Answer to yourself, I feel sexy when....... then explore that idea.  </p>
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<p>OP are you on the pill? </p>
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<p>There are different levels or sex needs. If both partners are ok with the amount then there is no problem.  How bothered is your dp about the rare sex?  Not all guys are horn dogs.  Some are ok with the once a month roll in the sack. (I wouldn't be but I know men and women that are). </p>
 

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<p>Does sex feel good when you do it?  Do you get aroused?  Do you have a baseline to compare this to?  Do you know exactly what physical signs arousal consists of in a woman?  That may sound like an obvious question, but I was pretty well educated about sex and I knew what arousal consisted of (blood filling the tissues, wetness, swelling, increased heart rate, etc) but somehow for many years I missed the obvious fact that I was *not* being aroused when I had sex with my ex husband.  I thought there was something seriously wrong with me.  That I was broken. </p>
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<p>It turned out I simply wasn't turned on.  This caused sex for me to be at worst excruciatingly painful, and at best plain boring and unappealing. </p>
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<p>Now I've had a lot of work to do to move past that, and it's still work for me to have good sex, but it's fun work.  I was shocked the first time I experienced arousal during partner sex.  It was actually way more fun than masturbating (sorry to be graphic)... and I was like, "Ooooh, I get it, THIS is why people like doing it."  I thought I knew what arousal was because I was able to orgasm.  But I did not.</p>
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<p>Your statement that you don't like being touched and that it makes you feel nauseous to think about having sex more that once every 2 months leads me to wonder if perhaps you are not aroused when you have sex. Of course sex is unappealing if you are not aroused.  How could it possibly be appealing?</p>
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<p>If it is the case that you are not aroused, there is work you can do to learn about your own sexuality, starting with simple things like masturbating and reading sexy fiction, or seeing a sex therapist, etc.  I would not think of yourself as broken... in fact I think this is something that is quite common among women especially if we have been raised with the idea that women are gatekeepers of sex.  It's hard to conceptualizes of ourselves as wanting sex if we've never experienced desire or imagined ourselves as being capable of want beyond refusal.</p>
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<p>And I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with Butterflymom... I don't think that being in a monogamous relationship means that if you don't want to have sex  and your partner does you are committing emotional violence.  I didn't want to have sex for almost a year after my daughter was born, and while I know that my boyfriend enjoys physical touch and sex as a method of affection, I did not want intercourse.  So we cuddled.  That's it.  For a year.  I touched his shoulder and told him, "I love you."  We held hands.  We snuggled in bed.  Occasionally we kissed.</p>
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<p>There was no emotional violence.  I love him, and he loves me, and <strong>he doesn't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with him.  </strong> To him, it's absolutely repulsive and not sexy at all to have sex with someone who doesn't <strong>actively, enthusiastically</strong> want to have sex. </p>
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<p>Now monogamy is not unilateral.  Of course he might have decided to end the relationship (non monogamy at that time would have been a deal breaker to me) because he had sexual urges more than I did.  For whatever reason, he did not, in fact it was never on the table.  (I asked him, he says because he is attracted to me and loves me, and is not interested in other people.)  So gradually we moved on to non-intercourse sex as I began to feel ready.  And eventually intercourse sex.  But it still took time, and he never put a single bit of pressure on me.  He waited for me to start coming on to him.  Now it's more balanced. </p>
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<p>Whether you are in a relationship or not, monogamous or not, I do not think you are committing an act of anything against anyone by retaining your right to bodily autonomy.  Being monogamous vs poly and not wanting sex are two separate issues that may need to be negotiated, but I don't believe that one is tied to the other.  But then I don't believe that people have the "right" to sex in the same way that people have the right to bodily autonomy, since sex (vs masturbation) is with another human being and contingent on that other human's consent.  Perhaps you have the "right" to *seek* sexual fulfillment.  But that's different that having the right to sex.  And sex isn't equivocal with romantic connection.  Sexual release is in the individual responsibility to him or herself, and on no other person.  Physical affection can be expressed without intercourse sex, or with a variety of types of sex or cuddling, holding hands, kissing, petting, etc.</p>
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<p>Although it sounds like you all are in an unhappy position and it would be good to work on it.  It sounds like you are both in a begrudging position - you of having sex more often that you want, and him of having sex less often.</p>
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<p>edit:  There are a lot of things you could explore.  For instance, would you and your dh be open to exploring other forms of non-intercourse affection?  Or is it all touching that bothers you?  Or is it touching bothers you because it will lead to intercourse/non-intercourse sex and you don't want that?  Can you imagine a way in which cuddling or some alternative but equally worthy form of physical affection might be enjoyable for you both?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Is it also possible you could be asexual?</p>
 

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Of course the right to bodily autonomy is more important than the right to sexual fulfillment. I'm aware of the hierarchy of needs and of course a happy sexual connection with another person is not a human right, but a joyful perk to being alive or 'blessing,' if you will. I never suggested she should 'put out anyway' even if the thought disgusts her, and suck it up & quietly 'deal with' hating sex. Hating sex isn't normal & solving whatever the source of her dysfunction is what's needed here.<br><br>
I'm mostly discussing the premise of the marital commitment. I'm saying that I'd be pissed off at the 'bait & switch' deception of offering oneself as a candidate for a monogomous sexual relationship (marriage), and then down the line, deciding that the expected romantic, non-platonic part of marriage was actually optional and perhaps an asexual existence is more appealing.<br><br>
It's not optional in a traditional marriage. And her attitude is not terribly admirable. She's not saying "I'll go to therapy, I'll do whatever it takes to try to solve this so that I can participate in a healthy, loving marriage for the sake of my husband who I have committed to and our children who deserve for me to give it my all to make this marriage work." she's throwing responsibily elsewhere by implying her dear, patient husband is 'horny.' of course marriages go through dry spells and slumps and if she acknowledges that she needs to tackle the problem in as timely fashion as possible and works hard, then her husband owes it to her to be patient for as long as it takes, as if she were sick & unable to fully perform in the marriage in the traditional ways.<br><br>
I'm against the non-apologetic change of heart and unconcerned attitude about where that leaves her partner.<br><br>
I'd be equally as disgusted if someone posted that after committing to a traditional marriage & family life with someone, they'd prefer to change the rules down the line and start seeing other people (either honestly/poly or cheating), or that they have just up<br>
& 'changed their mind' & didn't actually feel willing to have the kids that they had previously agreed to conceive/raise with someone. I'm in favor of making promises you can & will (to the very best of your ability, no matter how much work it takes) stick to, <i>especially with marriage vows and forming a family.</i><br><br>
Being a grown-up means making decisions carefully and doing your very best to honor your solemn commitments (especially when theyre promises that people you care about depend on!).<br><br>
She doesn't sound like she's trying her very best to fix her marriage, for the best interest of everyone in her family. She sounds rather selfish and oblivious of the stakes that are at play here. That's the part that triggered my attitude. If she would have expressed a genuine commitment to finding a solution to this problem that is soley within her and likely has a solution (being asexual is likely ridiculous, since she presumably has not always been this way), I'd be nothing but sympathetic to her struggle and agreeing that her husband should back off and be as patient as necessary and explore every route with her to getting their marriage back on track to a fully functioning sexual relationship.<br><br>
And yes it's emotional violence to have her attitude about it and be oblivious to her husband's position and uncaring about solving this, when others' happiness is at stake.<br><br>
And I don't agree that non-sexual forms of physical closeness are any kind of long-term substitute (i.e. "equally worthwhile" ?!) for a normal, healthy, fully functioning marriage.<br><br>
I just so wish that people would place a higher emphasis on coupling (& forming a family!) with partners with similar libidos to theirs (I'm not talking about temporary slumps/dry periods, which are normal especially with little ones entering the picture!). There typically isn't a happy ending when there's a major disconnect.
 

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<p>I have on and off issues with low sex drive as well. A couple of things work for us</p>
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<p>- if I ever have the slightest inclination for sex then we try and take advantage of that</p>
<p>- neither of us get too hung up on whether I actually orgasm or not. I am happy not to sometimes (I still enjoy the activity though) and DH is ok with that as long as I am</p>
<p>- sex for us doesn't always have to involve penetration. Our options here are for both of us to be satisfied in other ways or I will make it about him and just surprise him with a random hand down his trousers while we're watching TV</p>
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<p>I do think it would be a problem for us if our sex life consisted of only *one* of the things I mentioned above but the fact that we have a few options helps us to get through the low times.</p>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Butterflymom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16112749"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br>
I just so wish that people would place a higher emphasis on coupling (& forming a family!) with partners with similar libidos to theirs (I'm not talking about temporary slumps/dry periods, which are normal especially with little ones entering the picture!). There typically isn't a happy ending when there's a major disconnect.</div>
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<p>I agree with this here.  I think it's very important for people to seek compatibility in a mate because if being compatible isn't a struggle, then the necessary work of maintaining a relationship isn't compounded by the additional stress of simply trying to be compatible.  In the long term, that makes a relationship much more likely to succeed.  This is ideal.</p>
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<p>But for all we know, the OP believed that her libido was compatible with her DHs when they married... or it was genuinely compatible at that time, and over time, some change in their relationship or her own personality has engendered this new dynamic.  That, to me, is not a bait and switch.  The OP also noted that she got hormone testing over the summer which says to me that she has been speaking with a health professional about this issue.  That suggests that she has been doing work to try and resolve the issue.  I don't think that calling her out for emotional violence is going to help her mend her situation. </p>
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<p>What I am curious about is... how do you distinguish a temporary slump or dry period from a so-called "bait and switch" by the way?  I am very uncomfortable with this term by the way.  It sounds rather sinister and implies foreknowledge and a high degree of deception, which I am just not sure is what happens in most relationships which experience a difference or decline in libido compatibility. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am not sure that one form of physical affection is irreplaceable and superior to all others in *all circumstances of a relationship.*  But I'll set that aside for the minute because I am aware that's a rather unusual point of view.</p>
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<p>Assuming that intercourse sex is a sacred and irreplacable loving act of union between two people... how can it be a manifestation of love if it makes your beloved uncomfortable to do it with you?  And how can it then be a need?  It seems to me that it should exist outside the area of need.  It seems to me that if it were so sacred it could not be an act of violence to "not do" - to not do something so profound when it makes one partner uncomfortable seems to me the *only* appropriate course of action. </p>
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<p>Finally (sorry this quote thing I can't get it):</p>
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<p><em>"And I don't agree that non-sexual forms of physical closeness are any kind of long-term substitute (i.e. "equally worthwhile" ?!) for a normal, healthy, fully functioning marriage."</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>I said non-intercourse, not non-sexual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oral sex is non-intercourse.</p>
<p>Dry humping (aka sexy cuddling) is non-intercourse.</p>
<p>Sensual massage is non-intercourse.</p>
<p>Making out is non-intercourse.</p>
<p>Manual stimulation is non-intercourse.</p>
<p>Orgasms don't necessarily come from intercourse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Etc.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But for that matter, *if* it works for two people, yes, why not non-sexual physical contact.</p>
 

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<p>Hmm... This may have nothing to do with op's situation. Just a comment on something I have observed with women:</p>
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<p>If sex has been more of an animal lust sort of thing, after some years women often start to feel that it is demeaning and like the man is having sex for himself, not in order to show his love to his spouse. No wonder they want to stop. It is not uncommon for teenagers and young women to participate in action they later on find demeaning and repulsive. The last comment about women not being interested and men needing or wanting sex makes me think there is something going in that makes op feel sex is not about connection, showing love and respect. She seems to find it somehow disgusting.</p>
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<p>I would ponder on whether there is something wrong with the dh's attitude that makes things seem so negative. No one wants to feel used... Everyone wants to feel truly loved. Which feeling is the result of sex probably has a lot to do with whether one wants to participate.</p>
 

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I think your analogy of aerobic exercise couldn't be better. It's something that you don't do often enough even though you know is good for you, and it releases endorphins that are healthy and make you feel even better about it after the fact. There are always excuses to not do it: never enough time, other priorities, etc.<br><br>
So how do you get into a new routine? First, make it a priority, and even set small goals if you need the motivation. Kinda push yourself to try it a bit in the beginning, and realize that it's ok to starting out slowly instead of diving right in to a 60min spinning class! With a little time and effort, you might even find yourself enjoying it!<br><br>
And trust me, I know how difficult it is to make yourself want something you don't really want. Sex is not a priority for me and I honestly do.not.understand people who feel it is hugely important in their life or relationship. That said, there are tons of things that we do every day because they are important to other people. It makes me feel good to do something nice for someone else; plus a happy, connected marriage to a man who knows that he is loved is more important to me than coming up with more excuses to avoid aerobic exercise. <img alt="wink1.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/wink1.gif">
 
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I don't know if that applies to the OP's situation either, but it's definitely something to consider.  I know that's pretty much exactly how it was for me.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LessTraveledBy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284845/s-e-x-ugh#post_16118812"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Hmm... This may have nothing to do with op's situation. Just a comment on something I have observed with women:</p>
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<p>If sex has been more of an animal lust sort of thing, after some years women often start to feel that it is demeaning and like the man is having sex for himself, not in order to show his love to his spouse. No wonder they want to stop. It is not uncommon for teenagers and young women to participate in action they later on find demeaning and repulsive. The last comment about women not being interested and men needing or wanting sex makes me think there is something going in that makes op feel sex is not about connection, showing love and respect. She seems to find it somehow disgusting.</p>
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<p>I would ponder on whether there is something wrong with the dh's attitude that makes things seem so negative. No one wants to feel used... Everyone wants to feel truly loved. Which feeling is the result of sex probably has a lot to do with whether one wants to participate.</p>
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