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I am dreading telling my mom about our little surprise. This will be baby #3, I am married, and own a home. I'm not sure what her problem is.<br><br>
I agree with another poster about this weird generation of grandmas that don't want grandbabies.
 

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I have a PITA aunt who I know will have a negative response to this pregnancy. I've decided I'm not going to tell her directly. She'll be visiting for DD's birthday party in a couple of weeks. I'm not going to avoid discussing the pregnancy, but I'm not going to walk up to her and say it either. She'll figure it out.<br><br>
I don't feel I'm really obligated to tell anybody anything, especially someone who will rain on my parade. If my aunt asks why I didn't tell her, I'll be perfectly honest with her - "Your response is always negative, and I haven't any use for your opinion on what I do with my body."<br><br>
Can you put off telling her for awhile? Maybe do it in a group setting instead of one on one? Maybe she won't be as open with her comments if there are others around. Then you can avoid her calls and emails for awhile.<br><br>
Good luck with your mom! Sorry you're having to deal with this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>HappyMommy2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428374"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am dreading telling my mom about our little surprise. This will be baby #3, I am married, and own a home. I'm not sure what her problem is.<br><br>
I agree with another poster about this weird generation of grandmas that don't want grandbabies.</div>
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I'm so sorry that your mom makes me feel this way. It makes me realize, yet again, how lucky I am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">'s to you, mama.<br><br>
Maybe it has something to with the emphasis we put on youth in our culture - i.e. our mom's feel like being a grandmother makes them 'old.' Not a new theory, I'm sure.<br><br>
Anyway, chin up! You're having a baby! How awesome is that? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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ugh i feel ya.. i ended up telling my mom on msn --kinda cowardly i know, but i had so much anxiety about telling her<br><br>
anywya, she got super quiet for a long time then said "i'm getting off now--i can't talk to you right now or i'm goin to say something i regret" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">:<br><br>
special huh?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>neveryoumindthere</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15429989"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ugh i feel ya.. i ended up telling my mom on msn --kinda cowardly i know, but i had so much anxiety about telling her<br><br>
anywya, she got super quiet for a long time then said "i'm getting off now--i can't talk to you right now or i'm goin to say something i regret" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">:<br><br>
special huh?</div>
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Isn't that just the weirdest grandma response??? At least your mom knew she would regret some words. I think my mom would just blurt it out! And then laugh like it was a joke. ugh.<br><br>
I might do the email thing. Or I might just start sending her pictures that include me in a maternity shirt. Isn't that awful!? I'm so not sure!<br><br>
The strange thing is that she thinks she is the coolest mom ever, and would be completely shocked to see this concern of mine. She is coming to visit end of June... so I have to tell her at least by then. I think I might need her to learn it by a letter or email so that she has private time to process her own thoughts. Maybe then she will know to only send "Congrats" my way.<br><br>
She had her first (a big oops) at 18. And her second at 24. She drilled it into me my whole life not to get pg. I didn't start having babies until age 32!! (And after I was married for 2 yrs and owned a house). She has commented that mine are too close together in age. I guess she did it perfectly or something! ha!
 

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I told my mom in an email, to give her time to collect herself before we talked on the phone later in the week (I live in Sweden and she lives in the States, so we see each other only once a year).<br><br>
My mom is another one of those grandmas who's generally not thrilled to get the news that there's another grandbaby on the way (though you'd think she'd be used to it by now -- this is my fifth, and my brother's wife is expecting their fourth!). I am positive that in her case it has nothing to do with wanting to hang on to her youth -- I think, rather, that it's more about not wanting our lives to be swallowed up by having kids. At age 27 she was a single mother with five kids (I have two brothers and my two cousins lived with us), and she struggled a LOT. My dad was completely out of the picture, and she had essentially no support from any other adults. She was a truly awesome mother and none of us ever got the sense that she wished she hadn't had us, but money was a constant worry and I know she had to give up parts of herself she would rather have been able to focus more time and energy on.<br><br>
In any case, I think the biggest issue is that she wants "more" for me than she had, and she has a hard time seeing that this is the life I've chosen and the life I want. Even knowing this, though, I still wish that she'd respond with joy and excitement just once when she hears we're expecting.
 

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I agree with the sentiments of the pp. My mother and father are not terribly congratulatory and I am not looking forward to the "what were you thinking" attitude when I tell them. Generally, people don't get the concept of large family. Children are an expensive burden to some. The fact is, in our society there is alot of emphasis on things and the ability to aquire them. I'm not interested in being able to give my kids everything. That is not a value of mine, bit it is for some folks.<br><br>
I try and give my folks a break. They are lovely poeple who adore their grandkids. I have homebirths which is horrifying enough for them especially after the first one failed and I ended up with a csection. But since I didn't learn a lesson and am on my 3rd hbac now, well their just not going to be at ease until it's over.<br><br>
Not to mention that this attachment parenting thing is so foriegn to them. I rock and nurse my babies to sleep...my mom said once (irritated) "I have never heard of ANYONE doing THAT!". It just means another few years of my weirdness.<br>
Wait till I tell them we're gonna homeschool <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Phoebe said: "Wait till I tell them we're gonna homeschool "<br><br>
Haha... I hear you! My grandmother has freaked out about all my sister's and my natural parenting choices so far... she's <i>very</i> loyal to doctors and other "experts," so she has given me and my sister grief about co-sleeping, babywearing, homebirth, solids... and that's just off the top of my head. So there is NO way we're letting it slip about our homeschooling plans until it's absolutely necessary.<br><br>
At least she's never had any problem with our having more babies. I really feel for all of you ladies with your families raining on your parade. Hopefully you can find someone supportive to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"> with you!
 

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Sorry you're dealing with this. My parents have been generally supportive so far, but I suspect that if I continue to have more children, they will become increasingly disapproving. My MIL will likely not be happy, but she is generally awful to me anyway.<br><br>
I think it is a combination of two things when older people react negatively. First, like a PP mentioned, these women are from a generation that pushed women's rights to the next level. Somehow they feel that being a mother is incompatible with being an independent woman in charge of her own life. Second, our mothers are the first generation of women likely to have experienced severe medicalization during both their own births and the births of their children. And medical births are a little different in terms of their impact on the mother and baby. Trying to tread softly here, because I don't mean to imply that those who have had or want a medical birth are wrong or damaging anything in any way. It just seems to me, in my anecdotal experience, that when mothers have uninterfered-with births, it is generally an experience less likely to include trauma. And experiencing trauma for one's own birth and for the birth of their child could color their perception a bit, KWIM?
 

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UPDATE!!!! I decided to have my 4 year old tell her. I figured she wouldn't be negative to him!!<br><br>
He got one comment after he had to tell her four times, and said "I'll check. Dad, are you happy?"<br><br>
Dad said yes of course!<br><br>
So then 27 hours later, she calls with proper responses of congratulations and excitement! I'm so glad she got her shock and negativity out with somebody else before calling me!!!<br><br>
Phew!!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>HappyMommy2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15488917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">UPDATE!!!! I decided to have my 4 year old tell her. I figured she wouldn't be negative to him!!<br><br>
He got one comment after he had to tell her four times, and said "I'll check. Dad, are you happy?"<br><br>
Dad said yes of course!<br><br>
So then 27 hours later, she calls with proper responses of congratulations and excitement! I'm so glad she got her shock and negativity out with somebody else before calling me!!!<br><br>
Phew!!</div>
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Way to deflect! What a pro! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Seriously, though, I'm glad you didn't have to deal with any passive-aggressiveness from her, even if it did take <i>over a day</i> for her to decide to be a nice, polite human being. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I was scared to tell my mom too. She is definitely one of those anti-grandkids grandmothers. I think she just doesn't like babies. She's fine with the kids once they're potty trained.<br><br>
Anyway, my DDs let it slip last weekend when she watched them for a couple hours. When I came to pick them up, she touched my belly and said "The girls told me you're going to have a baby in January!" She seemed happy actually. Then she said "Well, are you getting fixed this time or what? I mean, I think it's time already!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SuburbanHippie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15489711"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Then she said "Well, are you getting fixed this time or what? I mean, I think it's time already!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"></div>
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"Yeah, right after the baby is born DH is taking me to the vet down the road and they're going to take care of it for me. We figure it's an easy way to save some money. Am I right or am I right?"<br><br>
Say it completely straight-faced and I'll worship the ground you walk on. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Bwahahaha! That totally sounds like something I would say too! I'm as sarcastic as they come. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I have had nothing but positive responses so far. But I still haven't told my two sisters who recently experienced losses. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag"> I just can't wrap my head around it. I guess I am not expecting them to be very... Happy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> And I don't want to hear sadness or disapproval(which I know I am more than likely to get from one sister) in connection with this baby. *sigh* So I'm poking around waiting to get up the gumption.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SuburbanHippie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15489872"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Bwahahaha! That totally sounds like something I would say too! I'm as sarcastic as they come. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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Well, then I'd say that you and I are going to get along just fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
P.S. I totally forgot to add that at the "Am I right or am I right," part you should nudge her in the arm with your elbow and maybe wink. Think douche-tacular and you'll be right on target.<br><br>
Also? If you do this - tape it. I will pay.
 
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