Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm so sad about my DH's circumcision. He was circumcised shortly after he was born like most of the men his age in America and I've pretty much worked past most of my feelings about it except this overwhelming sadness.<br><br>
When I see pictures of little boys being circumcised I think of him, as a little trusting baby, being tortured.<br><br>
It rips me apart.<br><br>
I am upset about the effect it has had on our sex lives as well, but mostly I just think of his pain and needless suffering.<br><br>
He's very modest so I don't really get to look at him, and now I don't want him to think I'm 'examining' him so I don't look even casually, but he has extensive meatal narrowing, a very pitted surface to his glans and a really awful slitted/scarred/twisted area where his frenulum was. His circumcision scar is about 2/3rds up the shaft when he is erect so he has some inner foreskin left and that is where he feels the most sensation. Before I learned anything about circ he told me that was what felt the best, stimulation on the sides of his shaft, near the head.<br><br>
I mourn the loss of what he had. I get angry that someone took that away from him. He's neither upset about it nor interested in restoring (at ALL) and it's his body, of course, so I completely respect that and never push it. I know I have trouble remembering to do Kegels consistently so if he doesn't want to restore that's completely understandable IMO.<br><br>
I was crying about it tonight after we made love and he was sleeping because it's just so horrible that someone did this to him and that people still do it to their sons.<br><br>
Our sons are of course, intact.<br><br>
(I post here under another name, by the way, but DH reads MDC sometimes and I didn't want him to feel funny that I was talking about him. But I'm glad I got to say this, finally.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,434 Posts
No words, just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,193 Posts
Sigh. I know exactly what you mean. It is sad-- people just didn't know any better. Makes me upset to think that things could have been so much better into our old age... such a loss.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,928 Posts
It's sad that many men have these circumcisions that are so wrong and that many of them don't even know it. I'm not necessarily talking about problems with function but cosmetic problems. They have penises that just look awful as you describe. I wonder if your husband is subconsciously aware of this and that the consciousness accounts for his modesty.<br><br>
I suspect that many parents are also not aware. I suspect that pediatricians and other healthcare workers notice these and are reluctant to mention them or that the parent has already noticed and it doesn't need to be brought up again.<br><br>
I have seen photos of adult penises on the internet that are very obviously showing the results of a very poor circumcision. The men who posted them seem to be unaware that they had anything other than a normal, workmanlike circumcision and I'm thinking OMG! I'm so glad mine doesn't look like that! It seems to be that doctors figure that if it works acceptably, that it's OK. That is not the case! No man wants to present his man parts to a woman who would pity him for what he has. Even though my circumcision is fairly well done and it would take a woman with incredible knowledge and a good light source to see the problem, I have experienced some embarassment at presenting my organ. I can just imagine how I would feel if the defects were clearly visible.<br><br><br><br>
Frank
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,867 Posts
I felt the same sense of loss for dh(and me) when I looked at his circumcision photo album,which his mother brought out to proudly show me the ritual mutilation of my dh(and his fraternal twin brother) at age 5. He accepts it,because I suppose not accepting it means not accepting his parents,religion,and culture. I will never allow my perfect little boy to suffer the same fate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,020 Posts
I am sad about my SO's circumcision, as well as my oldest son. My youngest and any subsequent sons I have will have their whole penis, but I regret not having the knowledge I have now and not protecting my first baby from this mutilation. I feel a definite sense of loss for him and for my SO.<br>
But now we know better and when you know better, you do better. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Sad for you and all your DH's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
580 Posts
I'm still sad about what was done to my dh too. When my twins were in NICU I was in the room for the circ of another baby. I felt bad for the baby but it has haunted me that this was done to my dh. A totally trusting innocent baby who never consented to what was being done to him.<br><br>
When I started researching circ I had read about how the frenulum was supposed to be really sensitive. On my dh though he said it didn't feel more sensitive to him. It looks like his frenulum was ripped off probably from whatever they used to rip the foreskin from the glans. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> My dh has done some restoring but before he started he was so tightly cut he had no moveable skin at all. I thought when he started restoring I wouldn't be as sad about what was done to him. It hasn't made a big difference though. He shouldn't have to do it at all plus a lot of it can't be restored. I look at my son and just wish dh's parents would have left him like that. It doesn't effect their lives one bit but they are the ones that got to make the decision. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,434 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>errejasu</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I look at my son and just wish dh's parents would have left him like that. It doesn't effect their lives one bit but they are the ones that got to make the decision. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
This is what gets me the most - it is the boy (and the man he becomes) who will have to live with the effects of the circumcision...why in the world do parents think they have the right to make this choice?<br><br>
For a lot of parents, though, they feel that they have a big stake in the circumcision decision. And, for a lot of parents (especially those who have researched/had information given to them, and still choose to circ), the decision is an inherently selfish one.<br><br>
If they circ their son, the Dad doesn't have to face up to the fact that he was mutilated as a helpless infant, and has been left with an abbreviated sexuality.<br><br>
The Mom doesn't have to face the questions of her friends and family - why didn't you circ? Don't you know it's cleaner, etc? She just gets to 'fit in'.<br><br>
And all of this at their son's expense. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
And as you said - their son (and his partner) will pay the price.<br><br>
It is beyond me how anyone could do that to a helpless baby. I can't even begin to imagine the anger I would feel if this had been done to my dh. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,198 Posts
I feel the same way about my DH's circ. I keep thinking about what was done to him when he was a tiny helpless baby and want to cry and get angry all at the same time. And we now have to live with what was taken from him and the damage it's done to our BD'ing. My poor DH!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,928 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>errejasu</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I thought when he started restoring I wouldn't be as sad about what was done to him. It hasn't made a big difference though.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
This is something that happened to me but apparently worse. I only restored during the cool months and noticed a few days after I would start, I would get very testy and just a general mood of anger. In the late spring when I took a break for the summer, My attitude would get much better just a couple of weeks after I quit. I'm generally a pretty happy-go-lucky person and not susceptible to mood swings. Those were odd times for me!<br><br><br><br>
Frank
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,206 Posts
I have had these feelings too. They do ebb and flow, though, so I do get some relief from them.<br><br>
At first dh was not interested in restoring but over time he is coming to the idea himself. I think it just takes longer for the actual injured man to work up to the idea of trying to remedy the situation, b/c a remedy means there was harm, and that is the hard part to accept. I think you have to be patient.<br><br>
But still, it totally *expletive* sucks that all these men have been mutilated and it sucks that we can't really fix it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
201 Posts
At first dh was not interested in restoring but over time he is coming to the idea himself. I think it just takes longer for the actual injured man to work up to the idea of trying to remedy the situation, b/c a remedy means there was harm, and that is the hard part to accept. I think you have to be patient.<br><br><br>
I agree and pray that over time my DH will also have these realizations
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,491 Posts
I feel so sad and pissed off about dp's circ too- everytime we talk about circumcision he gets so sad and wishes he had been given the choice to decide for himself. He has signs of a poorly done circ- but I would never tell him...I just feel so bad for him and for the better sex life we could have had... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
439 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DreamsInDigital</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am sad about my SO's circumcision.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I know this is a dumb question, but what does SO mean?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,907 Posts
SO=Significant Other.<br>
I, too, am sad about my dh's circ. Is it any coincidence that the divorce rate went up at the same time that the first generation of circ'ed men were getting married and starting families?<br>
More research needs to be done on the harmful effects of circ. on our sex lives.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,928 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Is it any coincidence that the divorce rate went up at the same time that the first generation of circ'ed men were getting married and starting families?</td>
</tr></table></div>
I've wondered about this as well. The divorce rate has followed the circumcision rate separated by about 3-4 decades. If there is a link, we should be seeing it in another 3-4 decades. I'd like to be here to see it but I doubt I will because the trend will be just begining as my time here ends.<br><br><br><br>
Frank
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,959 Posts
ITA with others here.<br><br>
Very sad/angry/hurt about DH's circ. And wondering how strong our marriage could be with better sex.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,757 Posts
I think the divorce rate is somewhat because of circumcising, and perhaps it also has something to do with Viagra and lube sales... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"> consumerism and greed!<br><br>
I'm getting a bit um... obsessive when I think about if I have daughters and how much I want them to end up with someone uncut <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"><br><br>
And I'm so sorry that you ladies (and guys too) are having to deal with the repercussions of decisions that you weren't even allowed to make... My dh was so lucky to have a Mother who protected him from being mutilated (though she's not around anymore in body, I like to think that she's watching us - and approving - as we make decisions about her grandbaby's future <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/happytears.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="happytears">: )<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,256 Posts
My DH is intact, but I have to wonder if it was just luck!! His younger brother is circumcised...... and all I know is something about the doctor when DH was born did not feel circumcision was necessary, and his parents let it be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,928 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>trmpetplaya</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think the divorce rate is somewhat because of circumcising, and perhaps it also has something to do with Viagra and lube sales... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
A little circumstantial evidence - American men consume 54% of the world's Viagra type products. Indonesia (mostly Muslim and circumcised) have the highest per capita consumption of Viagra type products. Israel (mostly Jewish and circumcised) counterfiets Viagra type products more than any other country. All Muslim countries have a significant problem with smuggling of Viagra type products. The manufacturers of Viagra type products have yet to find the market in Europe. (mostly intact) Is that happenstance or is there a connection? I'm guessing there is a solid connection between circumcision and erectile dysfunction.<br><br><br><br>
Frank
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top