[vegmom]

I hate being home. I cry. I break down. Frustration. I hate being a mom at all at this point in my life. STRESS.

I would love to work part time. Maybe 20hrs to help us out financially. It seems at the end of every pay period our bank accounts are in the red. We don't have enough money to live. However we live in a very rural area and jobs here are hard to come by.

If i would i would have pay for childcare for my dc's wich would wipe out any extra money that i make.

I feel like running away from this life.

 

[aprons_and_acorns]

There have been times when I've felt the same way. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to send you

 

[HelloKitty]

I'm so sorry you are down

Can you work at night or on weekends when your SO is home or do you have any other relatives that could help you out and watch the kids while you work a few hours?

 

[ms. pacman]

Hi vegmom

How old are your kids? You say you live in a very rural area. Does this contribute to your stress and make you feel isolated? Do you have friends that you can hang out with during the day? I know I feel isolated and friendless and I don't live in the country, so I can imagine how you might feel overwhelmed and lonely. Pardon me for making assumptions here...

Definitely talk over with your family about how you feel. Really think about your options and what is best for you and your family. At this point it sounds like you really need some kind of a break, and that's ok!

Please write again and let us know how you're feeling.

 

[the_lissa]

I'm right with you/ I desperately want to work, but I would lose money on child care. Have a breakdown some days.

 

[mamaduck]

I've worked pt. on and off. It can be a sanity saver. It also adds stress though. Right now I work 2 nights and weekends. I still consider myself a SAHM because, well -- I am here all day every day with them. And if I wasn't making SAHMing my first priority then I'd damn well be working at a better paying and more satisfying paying job! LOL.

Anyway, part of my job includes interviewing and hiring other part-timers, and there are LOTS of SAHMs who feel like you do, and who come work with us 1,2 or 3 short shifts per week. It can be temporary or seasonal if it adds too much stress to do it constantly. And I think that after the adjust to it, the dads really enjoy and benefit from 1:1 time with the kids. My Dh has really become attached to his weekend time alone with the boys.

 

[meowee]

if childcare costs are the concern, maybe you could wait till the kids are in school and then look for part-time work? You sound depressed, though. Are you sure that a change in circumstances would really help? Because depression will stick with you just about anywhere.

 

[Doodlebugsmom]

Vegmom, I have days like that from time to time.

 

[SouthernMommaOf2]

We all have days like yours...

Hang in there hun,
Mandi

 

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

(((((vegmom))))))

I'm right there with you!! I do work, 10hrs a week, on the weekends when SO is home with the kids. But I still come home to a full days worth of cooking, cleaning etc... I don't know if it's worth it sometimes, but the time away from the home helps with my sanity. I do adore being a SAHM, but it's so lonely all the time.

I live 3000 miles away from my family and any friends I did have. I know noone here but my SO's family (and can't really complain to them about him etc), and it's just so lonely and isolating.

Please PM anytime, just to talk

 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

vegmom-

I've been there. I don't know if this is an option, but one thing that really helped was letting go of the expectations I had put on myself for being a SAHM. I thought I had to have the house ammaculate, the children perfectly behaved, dinner cooked on time and perfect. I thought I had to be a lot of things that didn't come naturally to me. When I started giving up some of my ideals about what I "should" be, I relaxed alot. I started taking time to read things I wanted to read, do stuff I liked, and just give up on keeping the house all that clean, and started enjoying being a messy kid with my kids. I also want ot mention that I didn't start that until after I experience mild ppd after my second child was born. I'm not sure if that is a possibility for you, but as someone mentioned earlier, could you be depressed on top of everything else? I hope that you will feel better, go out for a walk all by yourself, sometimes that helps!

 

[Lucky Charm]

Catherine makes a good point.

I thought that i would be tip toeing thru the tulips when i was at home full time. And maybe some mamas are, but it definitely was not my experience.

 

[vegmom]

Well, i wrote that post on friday and it only got approved today. Friday i did have a huge meltdown, called dh at work told him to come home asap because i could not take care of the kids anymore. Luckily, he did. I stayed in bed friday and saturday while dh took care of the kids. They are 3yo and 9months. I could not nurse. I was repelled by it. Physically could not have dd#2 near me or i would feel like i was going to go into hysterics. Could hardly eat or drink. I think i only nursed 2x on friday and 1x on saturday. And my baby normally nurses on demand. Her crying just made me feel like i needed to push away more. Sunday dh got fed up and told me to leave. And i did. I drove to visit my sister. She lives several hours away. She took me out for dinner and we had a good relaxing day. I returned home at 11pm and dd#2 was crying and i felt terrible. Normally she is asleep by 9:30 or 10. I had not fed her for 15hrs. And this made me feel ashamed and that i was a terrible mother. How could i abandon my baby like that.

:

So today, dd#2 let me have it. Crying no matter what i did. Oh, and she was realy pieved that my milk supply had dropped since she nursed so infrequently these past few days. It seemed as if she was punching my breasts as she was jumping from one to another trying to drink up every last drop.

Hopefully it will get better soon.

Today dh also found out that he will not get a job that he had applied for. It sounded very promising and the employer sounded realy exited to talk to him and have his resume. It turns out that he had applied to late and that the job was still being advertised even though they had already done interviews. They had offered the job to someone and were just waiting to hear back from this person when they talked to dh. If this person declined the job then dh would have had an interview. This realy sucks because this job would have been perfect for dh and it had a HUGE bonus and benefits.

I don't think i will be able to get a part time evening/weekend job here in town. There are 2 small grocery stores and 2 gas stations that are open evenings and weekends. The high school is almost out so i am sure they are flooded with resumes.

I do have a WAHM business that i have been trying to get off the ground for a year. It is so difficult as a "newbie" to be professional and take care of children. It just seems to get more difficult as time goes by. Dc's, housework, cooking, playgroups just seem to eat up my day. I don't have a schedule to work on my business and when i do try to set one up it somehow falls apart.

And yes, i believe i am depressed. It comes in waves. I find excercise helps. I will try to do more of it. Hard to get motivated when depressed though.. I just want to stay in bed all day.

I guess i feel helpless. Even though my mind tells me that this situation will change, in my heart i don't believe it.

I realy try not to be negative. I know the more i dwell on it the more miserable i get. I just feel like venting.

 

[vegmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by race_kelly I've been there. I don't know if this is an option, but one thing that really helped was letting go of the expectations I had put on myself for being a SAHM.

That would help. I have tried to give up my WAHM business idea, but thought that i would give it another shot. This time i would be serious and get some help with childcare. Only thing is it costs $ that we don't necessary have. I was going to see if my IL's could help me out and we could make a schedule.

 

[mamaroni]

 

[lauraess]

Vegmom: Please hang in there. A three year old and a litte baby is enough to handle without the pressures of finances and depression. Have you talked to a dr. about your feelings and behaviors? Depression can spriral out of control easily in your situation and it would help if your dr. was able to make it clear to your dh that you need his help. A lot of people do not understand depression. There is no reason you should be made to feel worse for what is happening.
I agree with much of what has already been said. You need a break from time to time, regularly. Is there a mom at one of your playgroups you feel comfortable enough to talk to about trading time with? for instance: For one hour she watches all the kids while you get out and than vice versa. Or another thing to consider is start a walking committment with someone where you can take the kids on the regular walk, several times a week, there-by getting companionship, exercise and commraderie (correct word?)
Go easy on yourself mama! This is the toughest and most important work ever!
~L

 

[onlyzombiecat]

I hope things improve for you.
It sounds like you have a lot of stress as well as depression.

 

[mamawanabe]

well, working part-time might not help you finacially if all/most of the money goes to pay for childcare, but it may help you find balance. It may be worth it, in other words. Of course, part-time woh would bring its own stresses. . .

 

[mamaduck]

vegmom - you would be much preferred as a pt. employee over *any* highschool student. I guarantee it. You application will be flagged and simply *because* you are over 18 and won't need working papers.

 

[vermonttaylors]