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SAHMing to WOHMing and husbands. grrr.

571 Views 1 Reply 2 Participants Last post by  caeden&connersmom
Does anyone have any experience with making the adjustment from SAHM to WOHM?

Long story short, DH makes a pretty decent living, enough for me not to "have" to work to make money. We could do with some more cash-flow, but who couldn't, KWIM?

DD is just about 1 and I've been staying at home since getting pregnant--in fact I was "in between" jobs long before getting pregnant, so we've been a one income household pretty much since we got married. I kind of worked on and off, but nothing really consistent since my so-called field of work is very competitive and I live in a major-market area. DH always thought it would be better for me to focus on doing enriching things rather than waitressing just to keep busy (although I rather enjoy waitressing, but anyway).

Before the baby, division of household labor wasn't a big issue since there wasn't alot to be done, but you all know how it goes with kids. There's so much to do! We fell into the very standard division of labor, where he goes to work and I do pretty much all the domestic chores and child-care. He loves our daughter very much and relishes spending time with her. He even brings her to work occasionally to give me a break, but I'm in charge of all her diapering, meals, breastfeeding (well, obviously), baths, parenting down to sleep, etc...He helps out from time to time, but basically it's me.

Fastforward to the present, I have now earned an internship for a few days a week that I'm sure will lead to an awesome paying gig in the near future. DH is very excited for me for the record. On the mornings that I go to work--or "work" since I'm making $0--I get up very early with the baby, prepare her breakfast, feed her, feed the animals, take the dog for a walk, make dd's lunch, pack her bag for the day, wash diapers if they've run out, dress the baby, and somehow get myself together for the day. DH either sleeps in or parks himself with dd in front of the tv with a cup of coffee until he's ready to take a shower and hands her over to me to continue doing all the aforementioned tasks with a one year old who is not too keen on keeping herself occupied.

Sorry this is getting long.

Anyway, I'm just getting the feeling that since he's the bread-winner, he feels like it's my choice to do this internship--or even work for salary when i don't "need" to, so it's still my primary responsibility to take care of everything on the home-front. FTR, even if I do get the paying job, I'll only be making barely a quarter of what he makes.

I would just like to see him really take my career seriously like he says he does by actually helping in the mornings and evenings. Dinner and bed-time routine is also my territory after work.

Am I being absurd, or is what I'm asking well within reason?
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I felt very similar when I stayed home and dh worked. He felt the household was my *job* and I took care of every aspect of parenting. He would come home, park in front of the computer while I got dinner ready, eat, park in front of the computer until after I put the kids to bed then I would go to bed!

Needless to say this sis NOT work well!! We had many talks/arguments about it also. (It didnt help that dh was miserable at work either)

Anyway, we moved about 7 months ago and dh became the SAHD and I returned to work F/T. Funny thing is, I am *still* the one cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming on the weekends! grrr!!

I think you should sit down with your dh and have a specific list of things you need his help with (ie, the mornings you *work* he needs to get dd dressed, feed her and then maybe the two of them walk the dog?) Something like that anyway. I think men in general are not ones to just do something, they need direction. If your dh knew exactly what you needed help with he would prob do it! (He probably thinks keeping dd with him in the mornings is *helping* you by keeping her occupied!)

My advice, ask for specific help!! Good luck and congrats on a potential great job!!
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