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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>A family member was in a serious relationship with someone who had children. I met one of the children, a boy, several times (oddly, never met the other).</p>
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<p>I grew very fond of this boy... I even loved him. Yes, I've only spent maybe 6 days with him total but he has a very open heart and it just went that way. He is the same age as my DD, and they also grew attached to each other. My DD has said she wishes he was her brother. She talks about him and would squeal with glee if I told her we were going to see him soon. They wrote each other "letters" (drawings, really).</p>
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<p>Now the relationship is over. My relative is hurting and I feel bad, but I also really feel my own selfish loss of the relationship with this boy.</p>
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<p>I don't see how I can continue the relationship on my own. I only met the boy's father once and I didn't feel like we had anything I could call a friendship at all. My relative would be very upset with me if I had any contact, and I don't blame her. The boy lives in a different state and not near anybody else I know (not even my relative, who moved back to her home which was not nearby). It's just over, and I feel so sad. There was no closure.</p>
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<p>I also feel sad because I really had my hopes up to see him very recently, but it turned out he would be out of town when we were in the general area. And then, the relationship was over, just like that. It may sound strange, but I was really looking forward to seeing this boy, and now I'll never see him again.</p>
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<p>I haven't told DD anything. I don't know what to say, really. If I don't say anything, she'll probably stop talking about him eventually. I don't know if that's the right way to go. I have the urge to contact the boy and say goodbye but I don't think it's appropriate. I wouldn't even know what to say anyway. If I could, I wish I could just see him for 5 more minutes, hug him and tell him I was proud of him and that I wish I could be a part of his life, and say goodbye.</p>
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<p>Thanks for letting me get that out there.</p>
 

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<p>We have a current similar situation happening in our family:  My sister has been in a relationship for a good 8 years now with "M."  My kids are 9 and 6, so he has been around for most of their lives, always at holidays or birthday parties, and my kids really liked him.  Well, about 4 years ago the relationship started becoming on again/off again, and M decided that he was no longer going to speak to or be around my sister's family (long story).  So all of a sudden we never saw him again, although my sister still lived with him and would make reference to him.  One day, totally out of the blue, ds1, who was about 6 at the time, said "Is M dead?"  It broke my heart, and made me realize that I had never really said anything to him about it, so we discussed it a bit.  We've all kind of made peace with it since then, and my kids don't really ask about him anymore.</p>
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<p>Now, all of a sudden, my sister announced that M is coming to Thanksgiving, and I have very mixed feelings about it. </p>
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<p>Anyhow, I don't want to derail your thread, but I understand how tough these things can be, and how heartbroken we feel for our kids.  I might be tempted to ask your family member if your daughter can still be pen pals with the boy, but you know the people best, so if you think it will be volatile, it might be best to just grieve it and let it go.  I would be prepared to say something to your daughter at some point, when she asks or sees a picture or something.</p>
 

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<p>I know how you feel. My brother met and married a woman who had 2 young boys. While they were together, these boys WERE my nephews and later they had 2 more boys together. Two years ago they ended up divorcing and now I only see my brother's 2 boys but not the other 2. I knew them from the ages of 1+3 until 6+8. I miss them but the divorce wasn't pretty so.... </p>
 

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<p>Awww, I feel bad for you and your dd. I also feel bad for the boy, though, b/c he surely felt the connection as well. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>I felt this way about an ex-boyfriend's niece and nephew.  We were very close.  They're now graduating high school and I haven't seen them in over 10 years.  It made me sad for a while, but eventually the feelings faded.  Hugs.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>nola79</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280256/saying-goodbye-to-a-relationship-with-a-boy-i-care-about#post_16057611"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Awww, I feel bad for you and your dd. I also feel bad for the boy, though, b/c he surely felt the connection as well. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span></p>
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I think he did too. His mother died a year ago :( He was 4 when I met him and so open. He wanted to be held, and I would hold him in my lap the way I hold my daughter, and rock him back and forth a bit. He once asked if I loved him, and assured him I did (what else could I do? And it was the honest response). My heart breaks for him, a boy who lost his mother so young and clearly still misses her so badly.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280256/saying-goodbye-to-a-relationship-with-a-boy-i-care-about#post_16058551"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>nola79</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280256/saying-goodbye-to-a-relationship-with-a-boy-i-care-about#post_16057611"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Awww, I feel bad for you and your dd. I also feel bad for the boy, though, b/c he surely felt the connection as well. <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span></p>
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I think he did too. His mother died a year ago :( He was 4 when I met him and so open. He wanted to be held, and I would hold him in my lap the way I hold my daughter, and rock him back and forth a bit. He once asked if I loved him, and assured him I did (what else could I do? And it was the honest response). My heart breaks for him, a boy who lost his mother so young and clearly still misses her so badly.</p>
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Oh, that's even worse! Poor little boy. I don't think it would be totally out of line for your daughter to write him a "letter" (drawing, whatever) and send it, so he knows he's still in your hearts.</p>
 
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