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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DH and I finally sat down and worked out a budget. We calcuated that we could be able to pay off my student loan by the end of this year and my car loan by this time next year. That would only leave the mortgage for debt. We're planning on having another baby soon (anyday if we get a mircale, next summer we're start fertility treatments again) and then toying with the idea of DH being a SAHD. Sounds great right?<br><br>
Well, my mom was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago and just passed away 2 weeks ago today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I'm heartbroken beyond words and grieving is harder than I could have ever imagined. Aside from the loss of my mom, my dad's financial picture is somewhat grim. My parents were upper middle class and had no problems financing things they wanted. They have a 15 year fixed mortgage payment of over $3500/mo, a $500 car payment, a $450 HELOC, and a couple other smaller consumer loans. This is all in addition to regular monthly expenses. My mom made slightly more than my dad. My parents didn't pay very close attention to their money. They always had enough to do the things they wanted to do and that was good enough for them. Unfortunately, it turns out that my mom had much less life insurnace than she thought - almost $100,000 less. We still haven't even gotten the death certificate and can't even begin to claim the life insurance or her retirement without it. My dad asked me to help him get his finances sorted out since I'm Captain Anal. We all really want him to be able to keep the house since every square inch of it is my mom plus it's a great investment for his retirement (gorgeous water view, wonderful neighborhood, etc.). With a little help, things would be tight but he could probably make it.<br><br>
To help lighten his load, I paid for all my mom's funeral expenses (don't worry, my mom was a bargain shopper and taught me well - it was the most beautiful, frugal service ever!). I also offered to pay off the student loans that they took out to help pay for room and board for my sister and I when we went to college the first time. I'm also paying many of his monthly expenses until the life insurance money comes through. It took a lot of convincing to get him to let me do this much - it's not like he's taking advantage of me. My parents were always there for me and my sister, for anything and everything; it's time for me to return the favor. I'm also going to quietly pay down the principal on another consumer loan that he won't have enough life ins money to pay off in full.<br><br>
I'm doing all this using the extra money we were paying towards our own debt and some savings. It's not affecting the quality of life for my own family and we'll still have some savings for our own emergencies. I really want to help my dad out, I'm just bummed that my own debt is holding steady for a while. I just don't see any other way for him to survive.<br><br>
I just needed to vent. I figured here was a good place since so many of you understand my burning desire to get myself out of debt!
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss, mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

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Oh... I hope I am as good a daughter as you have been when my parents need me. My parents and I are civil but not really close, so it will be hard. You are doing all the right things, frugality is about prioritizing wisely, not instantly being debt free. You will come out of this ok. Once the life insurance comes through, your dad should pay off as much of the mortgage as he can so he's not losing on interest. Then he will just have to worry about property tax, utilities, maintenance, food, and heath insurance.
 

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ps, 2 months seems far too long to wait for a death certificate... can you go directly to the dept of vital statistics? Have you called to find out what is happening?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meowee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8970342"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ps, 2 months seems far too long to wait for a death certificate... can you go directly to the dept of vital statistics? Have you called to find out what is happening?</div>
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It's only been 2 weeks since her mom passed.<br><br>
I'm sorry for your loss. Go over the mortgage & HELOC papers, they may have had a clause in there that if one of them dies the remaining money owed is forgiven & paid off.
 

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I read your whole post and thought "how sad" but then I got to the end and saw that your mom was born in 1954. That stopped me cold. My mom was born in 1954 and I'm only 25. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I honestly couldn't imagine losing my mom right now.<br><br>
I'm sorry your debt plan is off the rails, but i respect you so much for bailing your dad out. I can't imagine.
 

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I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my mom last month to cancer too. I have been the one doing everything for my dad. I am not sure if this is a happy note or not but it only took a couple of weeks to get the life insurance once I filed the claim.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for all the replies. MUM4BOYS, I'm so sorry for your loss.<br><br>
I spent all morning yesterday chasing down the death certificate. It was a nightmare but I finally discovered that they had misplaced the paperwork so nothing was every processed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Everyone kept treating me like I was putting them out for trying to track down the key to my dad's livlihood. At least now it has been found and we're supposed to get it by the end of the week. I'm glad to hear the turn around time for the money is reasonable. Unfortunately, my parents turned down the death protection on the mortgage.<br><br>
I'm doing the best I can trying to prioritize how and what my dad pays off. Here's what I can remember of his debt off the top of my head:<br><br>
Mortgage balance $250,000, mo pmt $3500<br>
Car loan balance $35,000, mo pmt $500<br>
HELOC balance $30,000, mo pmt $450<br>
Student loan balance $2,000, mo pmt $75<br>
Peronsal LOC balance $3,000, mo pmt $175<br>
Misc consumer loan balance $5,000, mo pmt $63<br>
Total debt: $325,000<br>
Total life insurance: $150,000<br>
Total in mom's retirement account: $50,000<br><br>
I'm all for saving my dad extra interest but I think our priority needs to be keeping his monthly payments within his means. Here's my plan, tell me what you think:<br><br>
- Pay off Car ($35K), HELOC ($30K), personal LOC ($3K) = $68,000<br><br>
- Use remaining $80K to pay down the mortgage on the house. That would leave about $170K that he could refi in a 30 yr fixed. I figured if he can get around 6.5% interest, after tax and escrow his pmt would be about $1500/mo. I think he makes about $75K per year so this should be doable.<br><br>
- I will pay off the student loan myself<br><br>
- The misc consumer loan would remain but the minimum mo pmt is very low. I'll have him pay more towards principle whenever he can and will continue my covert operations of paying on it as well.<br><br>
I'm trying to save the retirement money so he can roll it into his own retirement. My parents started saving very late. He has tons of equity in the house (it's worth about $600,000 now) and he's an optometrist and owns his own practice which he could sell for a hefty amount at retirement. I also discovered that if he doesn't remarry before the age of 62, he'll be entitled to my mom's social security.<br><br>
My family is very, very, very close. Life feels very empty without my mom. She spent her last 3 days unconscious; she held on much longer than the doctors thought she would. I promised her over and over again that it was OK for her to let go because I would try to take care of everyone in her absence (she was always the rock of the family). I don't want to let her down.<br><br>
Let me know what you financial gurus think about my plan for my dad's total money makeover. I don't want to forget anything or make any huge mistakes.
 

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. My mom was born two years before your mom, and I cannot fathom losing her. I admire your strength and your determination to take care of your dad and I think you are doing the right thing.
 

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I am sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine losing my mom, who is only 2 years younger than yours.<br><br>
You are a good daughter, and you are doing the right thing. You will get by.
 

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So sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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You are a wonderful daughter and person. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I am going to PM you some tips on your financial plan.
 

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I am sorry for your loss. It must be hard to take care of your family, deal with your parents finances and still be dealing with your loss at the same time.<br>
It looks to me like you are doing a good job so far. At first I thought that maybe your Dad could get a less expensive car but then I saw that he is still working so I agree it makes sense to help pay it down.<br>
I read a lot of financial magazines and they always go on and on about wills and powers of attorney and DNR's or living wills. Does your father have one? I don't want to sound scary but it might be a good time to find out what his wishes are as far as his medical care in the future.<br><br>
good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly from here on
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brooktosea</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8975151"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am sorry for your loss. It must be hard to take care of your family, deal with your parents finances and still be dealing with your loss at the same time.<br>
It looks to me like you are doing a good job so far. At first I thought that maybe your Dad could get a less expensive car but then I saw that he is still working so I agree it makes sense to help pay it down.<br>
I read a lot of financial magazines and they always go on and on about wills and powers of attorney and DNR's or living wills. Does your father have one? I don't want to sound scary but it might be a good time to find out what his wishes are as far as his medical care in the future.<br><br>
good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly from here on</div>
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The car is in great shape, they got a good deal on it, and with the proper maintenance, he'll be able to keep it for a really long time. My dad always drives the same car until it's dead. It's an Acura MDX that seats 7 - perfect for hauling around the grandkids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
Luckily, my parents did have a will and powers of attorney. My mom signed a DNR as soon as we discovered the unfixable bleeding in her brain. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> As soon as the dust settles, my dad is going to have new documents drafted. I totally agree with you. It sounds morbid but it makes life so much easier for the surviving family when you have all your ducks in a row before you pass. My parents were on the right track, they just didn't pay close enough attention to their finances.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss, and I think you're doing a wonderful job of being the rock for your family and taking care of these things during such an unimaginably hard time.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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When my dad passed we had the death certificate in less than a week. Always get a few copies of the certificate.<br><br>
The insurance money came in as soon as MetLife got the paperwork; they were so easy to work with I'm going to them first when I convert my VGLI policy.<br><br>
I think you are doing a great job at taking care of your dad. My mom has put my sister on her accounts and they live together, so I think that my sister will have all the information we need when it's my mom's time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>i'mmykid'$mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8976390"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When my dad passed we had the death certificate in less than a week. Always get a few copies of the certificate.<br><br>
The insurance money came in as soon as MetLife got the paperwork; they were so easy to work with I'm going to them first when I convert my VGLI policy.<br><br>
I think you are doing a great job at taking care of your dad. My mom has put my sister on her accounts and they live together, so I think that my sister will have all the information we need when it's my mom's time.</div>
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We ordered quite a few copies of the death certificate just to be safe. One life ins policy is through prudential and the other is through her work, not sure who the company is. Hopefully they'll be as speedy as Metlife!<br><br>
My dad gave me online access to his banking stuff. It's just using his ID/password. I'm trying to get him setup with online bill pay to make his life easier. That's a really good idea about getting my name on the accounts. I know he's going to redo his power of attorney and such. I assume the power will go to me since he said he's changing the will executor to me. I'm the youngest of 2 kids but my sis (wonderful as she is) isn't quite as organized and anal as me. I already do the books for my dad's business so it's a pretty natural transition for me to help with his personal finances too. I'm just going to have to be careful to not get stuck actually doing it for him. I'm happy to do it now but he needs to be self suffcient. I know he won't be as frugal as me and I don't want to end up getting resentful about that. I'm handling everything for him for the next month, then I'm going to make him sit down with me so we can to it together. I'm happy to hold his hand but I don't want to be his mommy!
 
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