[SundayCrepes]

I'm pretty open minded and laid back about most stuff my 3 year old wants to do. Yet I've come to realize my first response is very often to say, "No," to almost everything he wants to do. Then I have to back track. So much for consistency and so much for open mindedness.

Have you been here? How did you get past it?

 

[tanyalynn]

For me this happens more when I'm tired and stressed out, so working on that is my long-term goal. In the short-term, I've gotten used to telling the kids "Hey, I thought about X a bit more and I'm okay with it," and if I'm really on the ball, I'll say up-front "I don't know, I need to think about it for a bit."

 

[meemee]

well i have the kind of child who has a v hard time with hearing no.

so i never use no with her.

instead of saying no i explain why not. i set v. strict limits that cannot be broken for safety reasons.

i also looked a lot at what i felt like saying no to. and i found i was wrong in wanting to use it so much. i had to really work on that myself.

oh an consistency. hmmm i dont know about that. that does not always work. like my dd wanting icecream for bfast. a big no no in my books. i was about to say no. but i stopped. and thought why not. its not everyday. i know i surprised my dd. i gave her the icecream and then served her the oatmeal and she ate them.

if she wanted to jump off the couch i laid down certian rules. if she didnt follow them, the activity stopped immediately. it worked for us.

does that answer your question. i spent a lot of the 3's feeling my way around the no's and i found i had to work on not going for the no many times. it helped being able to see the world thru my dd's eyes and see her need for more autonomy and wanting to make some decisions on her own.

 

[SundayCrepes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meemee i also looked a lot at what i felt like saying no to. and i found i was wrong in wanting to use it so much. i had to really work on that myself. does that answer your question. i spent a lot of the 3's feeling my way around the no's and i found i had to work on not going for the no many times. it helped being able to see the world thru my dd's eyes and see her need for more autonomy and wanting to make some decisions on her own.

Yeah, I need to stop saying no. I'm just trying to figure out how.

 

[NicaG]

What sorts of things are you saying no to?

I want a cookie!
You may have strawberries or crackers, what's your choice?

I want a cookie!
Maybe we'll have one later, after dinner.

I want a cookie!
We already had one cookie. One cookie a day, that's the rule.

I want to go to the playground!
We will go to the playground after lunch.

Play with me!
I will play with you as soon as I finish folding the laundry. Would you like to help?

(yelling gibberish at baby sister)
You may talk to her in a normal voice, or you may play in your room, but it's not okay to yell in her ear.

I want one more story before bed!
We already read two. We'll read more tomorrow. You may take a book to bed and look at it.

etc. etc. etc.

Mostly I just try to offer alternative choices (emphasis on what ds CAN do, not what he can't do), or defer until later. Good luck!

 

[soccermama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TanyaLopez For me this happens more when I'm tired and stressed out, so working on that is my long-term goal. In the short-term, I've gotten used to telling the kids "Hey, I thought about X a bit more and I'm okay with it," and if I'm really on the ball, I'll say up-front "I don't know, I need to think about it for a bit."

I'm in the same boat as the OP and I really like how you phrased the last part (bolded) I may have to give that a try with my 3yo DS.