[firstimer]

Hi this is my first post and I am very nervous about it.

I am in my 30's just finishing up university in a very demanding engineering field. I thought my life was just beginning and that my husband and I could finally get out of debt and have some nice things. We got pregnant totally by accident. I had used the same birth control for 6 years. By the time I found out I was pregnant the baby was already a baby and I couldn't bear to terminate.

I am due in two weeks and I have spent the last nine months doing everything I could to want to have this baby and to try to get used to the idea of being a mother. We have
taken Bradley
chosen a midwife for a hospital birth ( who actually gets the natural thing)
had the car seat checked
taken infant CPR
watched everything I eat
kept myself in the low low risk category and basically done everything I can to be a responsible mother to this innocent little child inside of me. I even tried counseling but the question comes down to." How do you make yourself do something you don't want to do???"

My whole pregnancy I have tried to work through the feelings I have about being a mother. I am a powerful red personality and surendering to anything so alone motherhood and birth is killing me. I was raised with some very negative attitude about babies and birthing. My own mother was raised in a controlling religion and environment that taught that a woman's primary role was to bear children. I wonder sometimes that while she was a good mother.. she was often sad. She gave up her dreams for motherhood with a idiot for a husband. She was sad most of my childhood and now on reflection I realise that this is a big reason I was pretty sure I did not want children and especially pregnancy. My husband is very very happy about this baby. He had a positive experience helping to raise siblings and has eaten the bradley stuff up. He also has done everything he can to be involved and will be great at the birth and helping me afterwards.

I am scared to death this baby will be abnormal I really doubt my bodies ability to grow a child and here I sit wondering how I am going to not be stuck in labor with a C-section if I don't come to some resolution about this.

I have been constipated like crazy this pregnancy and I wonder sometimes if it is just another philisophical representation of me being stuck in this pregnancy.

I am a very responsible person. I would never let this baby suffer but I hope I can fall in love with this little one. I have restructured my career goals and contorted myself to try to get ready to be a good AP mom..

Basically I am stuck and one week from delivering. It seems that every woman is supposed to be thrilled with babies and changing their life around it. I am a good person but I just don't know how I will do all this. All the hypnobirthing in the world isn't helping me ache to hold this baby. mostly I just want my life back.

I would appreciate any help as I am desperate. I have tried everything I can and I thought that some help from those of you that are on the other side of motherhood would be worth a shot. I am also worried about postpartum depression.

I am determined to breast feed and I hate doctors and am scared of epidurals and being butchered by a C-section. I honestly can't imagine there being enough pain in the world to have either of these but I know if they tell me the baby is in danger I will probably have to cave that is why I am trying to transfer my birth plan to the birth center so that they won't have a needle ready to stick in me. Still I am worried about FTP and all my issues.

Please help me if you have any ideas. Please be kind this is a very hard time for me.

 

[suebearsmom]

Make sure your hospital midwife will let you get into water while laboring.Hopefully they have big tubs but at least in the shower.I am a praying person and if I may,will pray that God will heal your heart and unlock the ability to love & be loved.I have seen more women just fall so in love with their babes that it was life-changing.Sometimes it doesnt happen all at once.I would also advise you to have as much skin to skin contact with your babe after birth.This helps to get all of those maternal hormones flowing in the right direction.Dear one,I am feeling so much love for you as I write this which tells me that the God of the universe has unending amounts of love & compassion for you.I had a hard time loving and 1st had to find out how precious and valuable I was to Him.Im feeling like maybe you dont know that - how precious and valuable you are.You are..... Big hugs,Catherine

 

[Chi-Chi Mama]

My dd was an 'accident' pregnancy, and my now dh and I weren't married at the time. So there was a lot of stress and worry about what our lives would be like, etc.

She is going to be three in October and while our lives are completely different now, I wouldn't change a thing.

About your career: you really can have it all! (just maybe not all at once ;-) ) For me, what I want out of life has changed a lot over the past few years.

Hang in there! Sounds like you're doing an excellent job of trying to work through things. And this is a great place to come for support, advice, commiseration, whatever you need

Your body can do it! It really can.

 

[jessemoon]

You will be a great mama...you already are. When your baby is born (and your birth will be fabulous...I just know it) it may take a while to get the "rush of love"that so many people talk about. I was super into having a child...but it took me a little while to be overwhelmed with love for my squirmy red-faced, squashed up son once he was born. That surprised me. Now, I look at him and I am choked up when I think about how much I love him...but it took a little while.

Even if you take a little while to "warm up" to your baby...hold him/her next to your skin..snuggle, nurse and rest together. That's all you need to do. The rest will happen in its own time.

Let your labor take its course. You really will enter "laborland" and surrender to the process.

I didn't believe this before I had my son. I thought, "Sure I'll "surrender" what a bunch of crap...I don't surrender. I always have things under control"

I worried that I would make myself "get stuck". I didn't. It just happens and I couldn't have stopped it if I had tried. There is something pretty amazing about that.

If your midwife is someone you trust, then you can trust that she will help you labor naturally unless there is a real and solid reason for intervention. Talk to her about your fears in that department. Hopefully she can reassure you on that count.

When you become a mama, you are adding something amazing to your life..not replacing who you are. That was hard for me to understand pre-mamadom...but it has been true for me. I'm still me, competent, intelligent, well-read, (if I do say so myself

) stressed out, bossy, goofy)...now I am applying all of those things that make me me to being a mom. It works.

The kind of mother that you are is the kind of mother that your child needs...please understand that. You made this baby and you are going to raise him/her in the best way possible. I firmly believe that if you are meeting your child's needs and are trying hard,there isn't much that you can do wrong, despite anybody's theories/methods/doctrine.

If you do get PPD (or even just the baby blues)...understand that it is normal and that there is support out there. It doesn't make you a bad mama...just a tired and sad one who needs time to recover. Let people help you after your birth (bring meals etc.) and don't get isolated.

Bless you.

 

[pamamidwife]

some incredible advice has already been given, but I wanted to add that you should go THERE. To the cesarean. Imagine what would happen if you were THERE. Then, figure out what would be important to you to make it a good experience. Write it out. Plan it out. Then, let it go.

Stuck is a relative term - many women plateau at a certain stage while the baby's head molds more, baby gets into a better position, etc. TAKE ADVANTAGE of this plateau, if you have one. It's a BLESSING. Rest/sleep between contractions, relax in a warm tub.

You can do it. Face your fears, write them out, what you need and then breathe deeply and move on. It's those unfaced fears that usually rip us up.

 

[rubysmomjess]

I just wanted to tell you I hope everything goes well.

One of my friends got pregnant when she and her dh were never planning to have kids. She was depressed and really struggled through the whole pregnancy. She had one of the most amazing births. No drugs (she did Bradely too), no interventions. 2 years later she loves being a mom to her son. They are having their second in august. I will be ok and you will be great as a mom.

Best wishes!

 

[TurboClaudia]

I'm a very new mama (three weeks old today!) and although our pregnancy was planned and wanted, I definitely felt ambivalence about being pregnant, giving birth and having a baby.

Being pregnant is hard work. My body changed and I honestly did not like it. I had lived with my previous body for 30 years and I think I'm still grieving certain things that have changed about it. But breastfeeding has been amazing and surreal.

Giving birth is hard work. I labored for 36 hours, and I got frustrated many times during it. I was scared I would have to transfer to a hospital, scared I would end up with a cesarean birth and have to focus on healing myself instead of focusing on my new role as parent, scared I wouldn't know how to push. The day after he was born, I remember thinking to myself that maybe he'll be our only biological child (I've always wanted to adopt), that having another long labor was hard to think about. But as I'm getting further away from the experience, I know I could do it again and maybe I'd consider it. I had a realization in the first few days after his birth: I had many fears come up, most of which I verbalized or acted out, but underneath it all, I always KNEW I could birth our baby. I truly never felt that I couldn't be in labor anymore or that I couldn't push him out.

Being a parent is hard work. I thought I would feel that instant bond with him, but mostly I just feel that I have to take care of him, feed him, clothe him, change his wet diaper, soothe him. My sister and mom kept saying goofy things like "I just want to eat his little feet, they're so cute", which kind of creeped me out. He's our baby, and he's not for eating! He's for nurturing and growing and teaching and learning! Perhaps I'm being too serious about him, but I just don't mind doing the things that I thought I would mind.

When I was young and in high school, I remember thinking that I would never be a full-time mother, that I would go to college and earn a degree and become a professional and have a satisfying career. After I left my business job three years ago, I began working part-time in the birthing field as a doula and planned to go back to graduate school in midwifery. After I completed all my prerequisites and applied to a program, I began thinking that perhaps it wasn't the right program after all. It would delay the start of our own family by at least three years (the length of the program) and I didn't think I was willing to wait that long. I also began to realize that not having a full-time career was teaching me how to define myself by who I am and not by what I do. In the past three years, I've had numerous opportunities to educate myself and learn about birth, health, babies and all manner of things and it's been amazing. I've begun to trust in the greater plan that I never anticipated and believe that I will learn what I have to learn and know what I have to know when the time is right.

sending you the warmest wishes for a peaceful birth journey into motherhood...

warmly,
claudia

 

[firstimer]

I was so afraid to post but I am so grateful for the help I am getting here. I appreciate you moms letting me know that mommyhood is a journey that takes some time to settle into. I have tried to do everything I can to really make this experience meaningful but maybe some growing takes time. I talked to the baby today ( I learned that on this board) I let the little one know ( we don't know boy or girl) all about where I started in this pregnancy and that while I know she has felt some negative energy from me at times that her/his mommy is growing while she is growing and that I hope she will be patient with me and love me through this birth process. I let her know that I trust her and will let her come out and let me learn to love her.

It kind of reminds me of the little prince.. Sometimes loving takes a lot of effort but I will grow into it.

 

[Tanibani]

Quote:

Originally Posted by firstimer I have been constipated like crazy this pregnancy and I wonder sometimes if it is just another philisophical representation of me being stuck in this pregnancy.

Hi

Since constipation stuck out for me, I'll address it. I had horrible constipation for almost 3 years after my son's birth. Won't go into the details of why exactly... but I read in Louise Hay's book HEAL YOUR BODY (it lists physical ailments and the thought patterns that cause them and affirmations to say to yourself) that it's related to anger - in a way.

CONSTIPATION: Refusing to release old ideas. Stuck in the past. Sometimes stinginess.
As I release the past, the new and the fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow through me.

I was absolutely FURIOUS at my OB (for tearing that I suffered) and my DH (for the way labor went and my son's circ) for close to 3 years. I had to let it go. I noticed that when I wasn't angry, BM's happened easily. I also had some accupunture/drank some Chinese herbal tea and that literally cured me. That's when I really noticed the anger connection. About that time I "let go" of my rage at OB and

DH.

So start saying positive, loving things to

yourself. It's also a good thing to do during labor if you get "stuck." First pg/labor I was terrified of pushing... (and my labor was 18 hours long - due specifically to this fear - and then I had no urge to push and needed PITOCIN to get labor moving again... it was either that or a Csection

) this time I was talking to my baby, "baby I love you and am ready to meet you... I am NOT afraid of pushing." I said it and I meant it. I had the baby within the hour!

First pg, I was terrified of birth defects as well (I think that's a common fear) but you have to realize that 99.9% of babies are born beautiful, healthy and perfectly normal! That's what I told myself over and over again this time. And here she is, perfectly beautiful, healthy and normal, just like her brother.

Breastfeeding difficulties
I had ugh - Engorgement (3rd and 4th day) again this time

: and it was due to one thing - POOR LATCH ON! I called one of my best friends, a La Leche League Leader and she came over with her two kids to help me fix my latch on. Next day, engorgement was gone! LESSON LEARNED: if you are having difficulty and notice something wrong (I noticed the poor latch the 1st day, but I figured it would be fine - NOT!) get help ASAP... be it a Lactation consultant (they charge by the hour, around here it's $100/hr) or a LLL Leader (free phone help and a free home visit if they can swing it). Engorgement can lead to painful lumps - breast infections - if not dealt with soon (I was lucky, because I think I was headed in that direction, but never got one!) Or worse, engorgement (poor latch on specifically) can lead to cracked, bleeding nipples. But you can prevent that with INTERVENTION.

Have a local LLL Leader's or LC's number handy for the postpartum period.

Postpartum Depression
I think American women are susceptible to PPD because we aren't really supported in the PP period like other women are around the world. Women in other parts of the world rest for 40 days and are taken care of (fed nutrious meals, given emotional support, not expected to do ANY household chores, etc....) by other female family members.

I didn't know that the first time around (was up and about the first time going up and down the stairs - big no no) and wanted to commit suicide in the 2nd week because I felt overwhelmed. It wasn't PPD, it was just me feeling overwhelmed by a baby who wanted to be held 24/7. But my biggest issue was I was on my feet instead of resting in one spot. We begged my sis to fly in the next week and she helped SO much and I felt 100% better.

This time - I set up help in advance. I've explained and prepared DH in advance for what I would need months in advance, and he's totally cool and understanding about it. I have been taking it REAL easy and not doing much other than rest, rest, rest.... and breastfeeding and bonding with baby. So that's my tip for you.... forget EVERYTHING else and focus on healing and resting your body. Carrying a baby for 9 months and giving birth (be it vaginal or Csec) is a HUGE physical event in a woman's life and you'll need to take it easy. Nap when the baby naps. Easy to do with the first one.

I had meals delivered to my bed for the first 2 weeks by

DH and

SIL).

 

[applejuice]

You have lots of good advice here.

For the constipation: psyllium seed and lots of water and fruit juices is good also in addition to all of the good advice here.

 

[insomniamama]

I'm amazed by your candor and bravery. Already a committed and devoted mother, you are just having a hard time grieving the loss of your old (childless) identity. It's this heart-on-you-sleeve honesty with your child, this ability to reveal your weaknesses to your baby that will surprise you, over time, and reveal a strong bond between you. I think you're about to cross the crossroads, after sitting there a long time, and embark on a really cool new phase of your life--you just can't see it yet.

About the delivery--you're just going to have to go with the flow. If you are a runner, or an athelete of any sort, perhaps an artist, then you know how it feels when you are in the "zone," completely focused on the here and now. You will engage every part of yourself during labor, but it might require that artistic/athletic focus to ride the short breaks between contractions in order to reserve your energy. That's the one thing I'll offer tonight, since so much has already been given. I'll be thinking of you (I think you're amazing!) and if I come up with anything truly enlightening, I'll share. Fortunately, you otherwise have a ton of smart moms here at your disposal, who can offer really good advice.

GO with the FLOW, firstimer!
-insomniamama

 

[cottonwood]

I think the most important thing (aside from having support, of course,) for someone who was not originally wanting to have a baby, and is afraid the mothering instincts won't kick in, is that she do whatever she can to get her hormones on her side. There are a lot of ways that our culture interferes with the mother's chemical ability to bond and mother. It is not as much of an issue for some women as others, because some women are so mentally gung-ho about birth and having children to begin with, if the hormonal process is interfered with they can fall back on that. But not so for people like you and me who are (were) ambivalent or scared or resistant to giving up her autonomy. I know where you're at: I was not planning on having children either, and my first pregnancy was an accident. I've never been attracted to babies and children, wasn't interested in being a full-time slave to a totally dependant being, and didn't have much practical support. I had a difficult birth, difficulty breastfeeding, and post-partum depression. For the whole first year I didn't feel like a very good mom, and wasn't very happy. I can tell you from experience, though, that it will get better if you want it to. Force of will can do a lot.

It just takes a while to genuinely make the transition.

But here's what I didn't know the first time around that would have helped me to make that transition quicker and more easily: I didn't know that there is a complex hormonal process that, if undisturbed, helps the mother to feel motherly. That helps her to bond with the baby, and feel protective of it. Here is an article that goes into it a little bit: http://www.mothering.com/11-0-0/html...ic-birth.shtml I also highly recommend a book by a doctor who has done a lot of research into the subject of facilitating normal hormone release in birth: The Scientification of Love, by Michel Odent.

Here are a few things to think about doing: request that you have as much privacy throughout the labor process as possible. Ask people not to do anything (like using bright lights, speaking to you about practical matters, insisting that you make eye contact with them, give you drugs,) that will interfere with the hormonal process. Allow your body to dictate when the baby should come out, not some arbitrary measurement, and follow your bodies cues as to how you should behave in birth (movement, sound, etc.) After the birth, assuming that the baby is not seriously distressed (leaving the cord intact will help with a gentle transition), have the baby put on your stomach immediately. Request that there be no talking, and that people leave you to meet this person in privacy, in your own way and time. Bring the baby to your breast. Do not allow the baby to be taken to be washed, measured etc. That can all wait. When those things are done (that is, if you want them done) make sure that they are done while the baby is on your body, or that you do it yourself. No one else should be handling the baby unless there is an emergency.

 

[2+twins]

You already have so much good advice here. I just wanted to add my thoughts as well. One thing that I thought of while reading your post was how surreal pregnancy was for me (and probably for most women who experience it). It's really hard to "get" that there's a real person there inside of you who will come out and be yours. I mean, you know that logically, but it's something that's just difficult to conceptualize. I think because of this it's only reasonable to not feel overwhelmed with love yet.

I concur with what some of the other posts have said about not expecting the love to be immediate. I personally wanted a baby more than anything in the entire world - from the time that I was about 14 until I finally had a baby 12 years later (and after a bout with infertility). I cried every time I watched a baby be born on t.v. (and still do), yet when my child was finally born I didn't cry. I didn't even particularly feel love. It was just kinda like, "wow - so this is my baby huh?" and "thank god the labor is done". Stuff like that. No "my heart is so full of love" or other thoughts like that. I felt guilt about that, but I realize now that adjusting to motherhood is HARD no matter how much you think or don't think you want it. The feelings of love came easily when I finally gave birth to my second child - perhaps because I fundamentally understood it better that time (does that make any sense?). I also conceived a child (my 2nd pregnancy) via an "accident" and although we had been theoretically discussing getting pregnant again later that year, I wasn't really sure it was something I wanted. I was very scared of how another child might affect my current only child. I felt pretty awful when I miscarried that baby - as though it was my own doing for not being 100% on board with the pregnancy. Just puts things in perspective. Once you have this little one you'll never want to look back. Yes, your life will change and not always in ways that you'll like, but it will also change in many unexpected ways that you'll love and cherish.

From what you wrote it's so clear that you're a mama who cares. You've already done so much more work for your little one than many women out there. Take pride in that and let the feelings develop in their own time. Remember that when you meet that baby, he/she will be the person who holds your hand in your last moments on this earth. This is truly a person to be treasured.

 

[firstimer]

I thought I would post a little update. My midwife checked me at 36 weeks ( when she did the GBS came back negative) and I was not dialated at all. Tomorrow is my due date and I am still not dialated at all.

So I couldn't sleep last night because I realised that I am truly stuck. It is like I have clamped that cervix together so that baby won't come out. So basically everything in me is stuck. My hemroids have come down because of the fiber but that is stuck too.

I really dread staying up all night with this baby.I am irritated that I have no idea of the gender or when this baby will get here.I braced myself for the last two weeks to go into labor because I am having contractions at night but they don't progress. I have always been like this when taking on new things. It took me years to love my husband and have a good marriage and I almost destroyed myself in the process. It took me years to get through college because of my low self esteem.

I am going to call an acupuncturist today and see if they can get me in but we just don't have the money right now with everything else we have going on.

My midwife would have to do the gel thing on 41 and half. She has no choice and neither does the birth center. So I have a week and a half to get my cervix open. I am doing all the herbs,primrose oil, etc and could use some advice.

I am also going to call a hypnotherapist and see if she can see me this sunday. I am so scared I am going to have a C-section and that they are going to yank this baby out of me even though I have prepared so hard.

 

[cottonwood]

Don't look at it as you having to get labor going (which you're trying to do with herbs, sex, whatever.) Look at it as getting out of the way of your body. Instead of thinking, "I have to make it do this," think, "My body knows how and when and I'm going to let it."

The best thing I can recommend at this point is to actively work on seeking out the positive. There must be things that make you feel good -- do them. There must be thoughts that make you feel good -- think them. Even if they don't have anything to do with the birth, because the pleasure will help you relax so that your body can do its thing. (Pleasure -- especially sexual and emotional pleasure -- as in being treated lovingly by someone you love, or masturbating, or treating yourself to something really special -- gets the oxytocin flowing and that's exactly what your body needs in labor.)

You have a choice here. For me, sometimes the negative thoughts become addictive, you know what I mean? Like, I know that there is another place I could be but the negativity is so compelling that I can hardly bear to look away. I hope that makes sense.

Also, you should know that for a first-time mother it is completely NORMAL for you to not have begun dilating yet. Yes, you may have issues that are holding you back, and it is really smart to acknowledge that so you can, like I said, work on getting out of the way of your body. However, from what you've described so far, it sounds like there is absolutely no reason to assume that you are actually stalled. Did you know that statistically first-time mothers who are allowed to go into labor spontaneously do not do so until 41 weeks? And that they often do not begin dilating or even effacing until they actually start labor?

Take heart. There is nothing actually wrong yet, except that you are making yourself so unhappy, for no good reason! There is no problem with your body. And it is premature to be already worrying about the baby making your life unpleasant. If the bonding is allowed to happen undisturbed, your body (your hormones) will take care of the rest of it. You will have the will and desire to care for this baby as it needs you to. One thing that will help -- know that the baby will pick up on her anxiety. If you are stressed out, the baby will be stressed out and will not sleep well and will cry more. So during postpartum, you'll also want to be treating yourself as gently and as well as possible. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Pamper yourself, indulge yourself. Anything that doesn't contribute to that -- let it go. Don't think about the future, just allow yourself to be in the present. No planning, no analyzing, no worrying. Just listen to your body and focus on your body. You can do this; your body wants to do this. All you have to do is let it.

 

[tammylc]

Ohhh, so much to say, and I'm sure the baby will not let me sleep long enough to write it out...

I too had a surprise pregnancy. I considered an abortion, but despite being very pro-choice, wasn't willing to make that choice for myself. Deep in the midst of utter exhaustion in my first trimester, I wrote the following in my journal:

Quote:

But I just feel so down all the time. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that other women get through the unpleasant parts of their pregnancy with a sort of "But at the end of all us this, I get to have a baby! How wonderful!" attitude. But I didn't want to get pregnant. Wasn't planning to get pregnant. And I can't help but feel like "And at the end of all this, I'm gonna have a baby. Oh fuck." Which does no good at all in helping me soldier through the unpleasantness.

I did start feeling better about being pregnant, and actually really ended up enjoying being pregnant (until the last few weeks, when I found out DS was breech, and ended up having to switch from a planned homebirth to a planned c-section - that sucked a lot). But never felt prepared to become a mom. I had a lot of issues to deal with about my own relationship with my mom, and lots of concerns about losing myself to this new "Mother" persona I was destined to become. All of this is just to say that I really can relate to where you're at.

I didn't fall in love with DS before he was born. Didn't even fall in love with him at first sight, like everyone tells you you're "supposed" to. In fact, it took me about 6 weeks before I could really say that I loved my little boy. I was fiercely protective of him from the moment he was born, though, and did all the things I was supposed to do to nurture him and nourish him and bond with him. And eventually, day by day, I fell in love. Stopped feeling trapped. Realized that I could still be myelf and be a mom too. It's been a hard road at times - I really recommend reading the book "Mother Shock" - it compares becoming a new mom to overcoming culture shock and I found it to be very reassuring.

As the other posters have said - it's fairly common for first-time moms to go past their due date. I'm sorry you're having to worry about a deadline for induction, but try not to dwell on it too much. I know someone who had the gel and delivered her beautiful baby boy the next day after only 8 hours of labor and no drugs. So while induction is not preferred, it doesn't spell certain doom. And you still have time. Some natural ways to move things along include lots of long walks, and all-natural "prostglandin injections" - aka, sex (semen has the highest natural concentration of prostglandins).

And as someone who's been there, I can honestly say that a c-section doesn't have to be the end of the world either. I felt like a failure for having to have a section, after I had worked so hard and planned for my natural homebirth. I agree with pamamidwife that it's important for you to think about a c-section and how you would approach it and deal with it - I took the "that'll never happen to me" approach throughout my pregnancy, so was utterly unprepared when all of a sudden I was one of "those people."

The biggest piece of advice I can give is "fake it til you make it." Babies are really sensitive to their parent's emotions - if I let my anger and frustration spill through, DS would have a bad day too. Once I learned to put on a happy face for him regardless, things got better. And eventually the happy face became real.

Being a mom isn't the "best/most fulfilling thing I've ever done." But that's okay.

Don't know if any of this is helpful. But if it is, and you want an email buddy who's been there, drop me a PM...

 

[rubysmomjess]

Oh! I wish I could help!
I was 10 days late delivering my first baby. I was so nervous about the huge life changing event that was about to happen. Not only was I having a baby, I had decided to give up my career to be a SAHM. At my doula's reccomendation I went and saw a massage therapist. We talked about all my worries and then I had a really lovely relaxing massage. 36 hours later I went into labor.

Think positive thoughts and definitley go for a nice long walk. Hang out with your husband and enjoy the time with him.

Also, on the loving your child immediately...try not to worry about it... it will happen. If you don't feel a gush of love the second you see your child, it is perfectly normal. My dd was "planned" and it still took awhile to feel that gush. Give yourself time to adjust to your new life and your new family member.

s and best wishes!!!!

 

[azyre]

I can relate to some of what you have said. I was very clucky in my early 20's but when I fell pregnant accidently at 26 I was really starting to enjoy being an independent adult, paying off the house, studying part-time, travel. I was depressed at the thought of the 24 hour a day commitment, no down time, sleep deprivation and so on, basically I knew my life was going to CHANGE. Ambivalence is perhaps the nicest, least negative way to describe it - I rarely anticipated the baby with any sense of happiness. I worried something would go wrong, the thought terrified me, but I still didn't feel attached, it was weird. My time spent thinking about the baby was planning - reading about birth and breastfeeding, buying stuff

I liked buying stuff. I also had plenty of issues with my mother during this time. I really felt an inward pull to "my" family, my partner and the future baby, and being home and basically wanted everyone to p' off. I was quite possibly officially depressed.

I was blessed that despite the birth going not to plan as soon as I saw my DD I was smitten. She was born and a mother was born too. I know this doesn't happen for everyone, and given my prior feelings I didn't think it'd happen for me. All the fanatasies about the negative stuff, I think was maybe even helpful in the end - I have a fairly realistic picture of the kind of demands a baby put on you - we've all had commitments that were hard to meet, it's not so hard to imagine how you may feel when they stretch to 24 hours

But of course I had no realistic picture of the love

So I had very low expectation of motherhood and was pleasantly suprised. Ok, I was blown away

Pregnancy is a massive transition, it's ok to feel dubious and scared. I think it's realistic. I hope I can revel in my next pregnancy but I accept that maybe I will be in a similar place again.

 

[CarrieMF]

There is no such thing as a bad mother, each and every one of us does what is best for us, the baby and our family. Do not be afraid to ask for help, for someone to watch the baby so you can sleep, to tell people what it is YOU need. Instead of falling into the trap of what society believes mothers should be do what works for you and the baby.

I was very constipated during my first pregnancy due to the extra iron I was taking, for some women the iron in prenatals is enough to constipate them.