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Scared of playing at friends houses....

615 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  fek&fuzz
This has been going on for a long time. 4 yo Ds LOVES playing with his friends. He enjoys going to school two mornings a week and has no problems with me leaving. He always wants to invite friends over to our to play. BUT if a friend invites him to play at their house he comes up with some crazy excuse as to why he can't. Things like "I can't I have to sleep all day" or "I have to clean the house" come out of his mouth. I am trying to find a way to make him less scared of playing at a friends house w/o me being there too. The times I have left him at a friends (maybe 6 times) he has a fit when I leave. Then calms down in a couple minutes and goes on to have a great time. Please help me find ways of helping him feel comfortable with me leaving him at a friends to play. It is supposed to be fun!
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It would be my inclination to not push a child into a situation like this where they don't feel comfortable, especially when the child is so young. To me it would be a matter of respecting their feelings. I do think they will venture out more in this way - with time and patience.
My 5 y/o son doesn't want to play at friends homes, either. I tried encouraging him on one occassion, very nice mom and our neighbor 2 doors down (the boys played here every day
), but he didn't want to. He likes to be home, with me, and since we can do that, I don't think it's a problem. They have their reasons ans soon enough we may wish they were home more, so each stage as it comes.

How do you feel about it?
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I too would respect the feelings of the child. He'll feel more comfortable sooner if he isn't pushed.
I respect my Ds's feelings. It doesn't bother me at all that he prefers to play at home. Of course he will eventually want to play at a friends house. I enjoy having other kids over and doing craft projects, reading and just watching them play!!!
I want Ds to grow up in the house that other kids like to come play at!!! The only problem I have (I should have mentioned it in the original post) is that I live 400 miles from my family. Before we moved, assorted Grandmas or Auntie would watch DS if I had an appointment that I couldn't take him to. I need to be able to drop him off at this friends house (very occasionally) so I can take care of things that I can't take him to or that have to be done on a weekday during the day while my DH is working. I don't have someone that can come to our house.
Tomorrow I have an appointment that I can't take him to and I need to drop him off for a couple hours. I need help coming up with something to make him feel comfortable when I leave him at a friends house to play.
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Have you talked to his friend's parents about how he is after you leave? Maybe they can give you some insight about what the kids do after you leave. Perhaps the parents can help with the transition and provide a fun activity so your done gets distracted? Does he give you any ideas about why he's scared?

Is it just one friend? I had a friend who would tell me that if I stepped in her neighbors yard I'd be kidnapped, I used to have nightmares that my little brother would wonder out of the car into their yard and be kidnapped. Maybe something is happening at the friend's house that scares him?

It sounds like he has fun once he's there, it's just the transition. Would it work if you reminded him that he had fun last time? If you help him get involved in a project and then leave would that help?

just some brainstorming from a non-mom...
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