[flight]

Apologies if this is long--I'm really freaked out.

I got to the playground today with my DS at about the same time as another woman and 2 kids. There was already a boy there, about 5. I briefly saw a man old enough to be a dad wandering at the other end of the playground, but the next time I looked, he was nowhere to be seen. So I started wondering who was looking after this 5yo boy.

He played with my son very nicely for about an hour. In that time I saw the man again, once, at the other end of the playground, then he disappeared again. The boy said to me, at one point, "My dad is in our car." I'm like, how the hell is this clown watching his kid from the parking lot, cause the playground is not visible from there. So now I'm thinking, what am I gonna say to this guy when he comes to get his son? Cause I'm sure as hell not leaving a 5yo completely unattended, even if he's not mine.

Eventually the boy wandered off, saying he was going to go home. So I followed him to his car. The dad was getting into the driver's seat as I was walking up. He smiled and waved and yelled, "Bye!" Yeah, right. So I said to him, "Sir, you know there's a bench in the playground where you can sit down and watch your son." I don't remember exactly the conversation, but I told him I was very worried about his son; that no, he couldn't have been watching his son from here because (pointing in the direction of the playground, through the trees) you can't see the playground from here; that the boy could have fallen and gotten hurt; and that I could have walked off with him and no-one would have known. I finished off with something like, "I hope I don't see him by himself again." The dad said something like, "OK, thanks, bye" and started up the car. I made a point of looking at his licence plate, then went directly to my car and wrote it down.

All the while shaking inside, heart pounding. Now I'm kinda nauseous and had to take a Tums.

Should I call the police? Should I call them if I see the same kid alone again? What the hell?? I'm worried about that kid now.

 

[khrisday]

Honestly, I think you're out of line. The man could not see his kid from the car, but you did see him periodically checking on him. He was not at the park without an adult- which I have seen in kids 5 and under aplenty. Theoretically, a 5 year old is school aged. Many walk to school, or home from school by themselves at that age. They certainly don't get 100% one on one supervision in the classroom or in the schoolyard, and kids are at a much greater risk of being abducted from someone they already know than a stranger. The boy knew where his dad was if he had gotten hurt or scared. If you see him again, you may want to tell him how nice it is to see a dad at the park with his kid- there are so many that don't even do that.

 

[mammastar]

Seriously, you've seen lots of kids under 5 at the park by themselves???

Where do you live??

That's not the case around here! Sometimes you'll see parents not keeping an eye on what their kids are up to, because they're reading or yakking, but that's different.

There was a little girl who lived on our street a couple of places ago, who walked to school by herself at age 6. Not a very mature little girl, either. I would keep a bit of an eye on her as she walked down the street, and at least there were lots of neighbours home who knew her, and it was only 3 quiet blocks. But still...it bothered me.

I don't know about calling the police. He was 'at the park' with his son, albeit supervising him really poorly. To me, that would be an overreaction. It also depends on the law where you live. If you want some tips about what to do next time, you could call protective services, not say you have his licence plate, and just ask them what their take would be so you know in future.

Maybe it just didn't occur to the dad, and you'll have got him thinking - he was probably (and understandably) too taken aback and maybe embarrassed when you confronted him to do more than just get the heck out of there.

 

[taz925]

I follow where you are gong with wanting to watch out for all the kids, but you can only do what you can do. You helped keep him safe and you planted a seed with the father.

It bugs me when I see this kind of thing happening. I saw it at the park but the mom was sitting alone on a chair constantly calling out the childs name. First, now I know the kids name (from the second she got there I knew the kids name) and could take him with... But second, she wasn't watching him while he was on the equipment and if he fell she wouldn't have known. He did not always answer when she called and she never got up to check on him.

I would second the suggestion to find out what, if any, laws he violated etc and what you should do should it happen again.

Doreen

 

[flight]

I've had a few hours to calm down. I'm not going to call the police (except maybe the non-emergency line, to present a "hypothetical situation" and ask how it should be handled). I think I only mentioned it originally because I was so flustered and taken aback.

I think the father knew he shouldn't have left his kid alone; I got the sense he was trying to flee when I was talking to him by his car. I hope he doesn't do it again.

I was completely boggled by this. Yeah, I've seen lots of kids "poorly supervised," where the parents are reading a book or whatever, but at least they're sitting on the benches right by the playground. I couldn't believe this guy. (I work in a toystore, so I see parents doing, or not doing, lots of crazy stuff, but this blew me right out of the water.)

 

[laralou]

Quote:

Originally Posted by khrisday Honestly, I think you're out of line. The man could not see his kid from the car, but you did see him periodically checking on him. He was not at the park without an adult- which I have seen in kids 5 and under aplenty. Theoretically, a 5 year old is school aged. Many walk to school, or home from school by themselves at that age. They certainly don't get 100% one on one supervision in the classroom or in the schoolyard, and kids are at a much greater risk of being abducted from someone they already know than a stranger. The boy knew where his dad was if he had gotten hurt or scared. If you see him again, you may want to tell him how nice it is to see a dad at the park with his kid- there are so many that don't even do that.

I totally disagree. I would never let a 5 year old play unsupervised, and if a daycare or school did what that man did (go where the children were not in eyesight), they would be in serious trouble with the state. Enough stuff can happen when they are within eyesight. I don't think this is all about abduction. The child could get injured, molested, or anything.

I don't think this guy deserves a pat on the back. I mean how hard could it be to stay within eyesight of his son and he couldn't do that.

I probably wouldn't report him to the police, but I think you did the right thing to give him a lecture. I call the cops every time I see a child riding without a seatbelt though, so I wouldn't blame you if you did call.

 

[Piglet68]

I think this is one of those sad occurrences that aren't dangerous or neglectful enough to warrant taking action, but that peirce the hearts of more protective/aware parents.

Honestly, some parents just simply don't know any better. Hopefully your talk with him got him thinking.

 

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I think it totally depends on where you live but I wouldn't have reacted the way you did. Kids walk to school alone where I lived in the US and where I live in Germany now at age of 6 and kids play unattended much earlier than that. It does sound to me like you're a "bit" over sensitive if you think a parent reading a book at the playground is "poorly supervising". I would rethink this comment if I were you. And, the father's reaction sounds reasonable, considering.

If I seriously thought the child was in danger, I would say to the father that I was walking him back to the car because I was nervous about the situation.

Sorry, if I sound offended. I guess I just have a much different perspective than some of you. And the reading a book comment has me thinking that this goes beyond just perspective.

 

[Rainbow]

I think you were brave to do what you did and I *totally* disagree that it was no big deal.

And I won't give kudos to a dad for doing less than he should just because some men do even less.

 

[Rainbow]

OTOH, I don't mind parents reading right near the child- unless the child is hurting my child or something- but then I can kindly tell the parent... really though I think "YAY that mom is getting a nice break!"

 

[flight]

IdentityCrisisMama, I'm sorry if I offended with the book-reading comment; it was not my intention. It was an off-the-cuff remark meant to convey "concentrating on something other than the children's activies." (My perspective is that of a mother of a 3yo, of someone who lives in a major metropolitain area, and of someone who gets totally engrossed in books! I know I could not effectively supervise my son in public while reading.)

 

[thirtycats]

I've been bothered lately about how parents leave their kids without supervision.

Here is what I have encountered the past few years.

1. A Sukkot party at someone's house. Most of the adults stayed downstairs while about 10 kids played upstairs. There were only about two parents watching all these kids...and those parents had babies they were trying to protect. I think it's okay to let 2 or three young kids play upstairs alone. But when you have a large group of kids, it gets kind of lord-of-the-flyish. The kids trample each other, bully each other, destroy property, etc.

2. We had a New Years party at our house. It was for families. Many parents sat their tushies down in our den and never got up to check their kids. The children were running wild upstairs. I'm not saying they need to be with their kids 100% of the time. But they should have checked every so often. It's not just a safety thing...but a courtesy. You know, make sure your child is breaking stuff.

3. We went to a homeschooling conference at a hotel. Parents just let their children roam around the hotel alone. I'm talking children who are 4 years old. I just don't know how that could be safe??? One mother was frantic because she lost her 4 year old. She left her daughter alone to play with an older child and next thing she knew, the child was gone. She did find her eventually, but still.....

It's really hard to know how to parent in these situations. You don't want to be overprotective. But you also don't want to be neglectful. Where's the balance?

Dina

 

[Sierra]

Quote:

Originally Posted by thirtycats I've been bothered lately about how parents leave their kids without supervision. Here is what I have encountered the past few years. 1. A Sukkot party at someone's house. Most of the adults stayed downstairs while about 10 kids played upstairs. There were only about two parents watching all these kids...and those parents had babies they were trying to protect. I think it's okay to let 2 or three young kids play upstairs alone. But when you have a large group of kids, it gets kind of lord-of-the-flyish. The kids trample each other, bully each other, destroy property, etc.

Depending on how well I knew the other adults and kids, the type of the party, and whether the area where the kids were was not isolated from the adults, I might also let my kids "be." Maybe this is because I grew up in a large family in a very family-friendly subculture, but I have great memories from parties where the kids did their thing as the adults did theirs. I think that can be a great experience for kids and a very healthy developmental event. There were only a few times in my entire childhood when we were in the company of trouble-making kids who got into breaking things, etc., and we left the other kids when we got uncomfortable. We also were taught good limits and boundaries and how to speak up as kids, which probably helped.

Having said that, I was at a party recently in which there were four or five different hosts (roomates) with all of their different friends there. There must have been 75 or so people in and out throughout the evening (probably 40 or 50 at a time). A number of parents were letting their kids run pretty wild, and there were a couple of times when a kid somehow ended up somewhat alone with an adult (off in an area of the yard-- which was not fenced-- where other adults didn't happen to be at the time, for instance). That would have made me nervous because it isn't obvious who is safe and who isn't. Very, very often, molesters for example, are some of the least creepy-seeming people around.

 

[Fieryfly]

Flight,
I have been in your situation before with seeing young kids alone at a park. I'll usually go and talk to them to see who is watching them. While I'm leaving and there isn't anyone else at the park, I'll usually tell the child that they shouldn't be here alone and to go home or go back to their parent so that the parent can watch them. I will usually do this with kids who look 10 and under, esp if they don't have a friend there with them. With the type of people who visit parks and playgrounds such as gangs, transients, etc. it makes me uncomfortable.

If it was a situation as you were in(suspicious people at the park) I would call the police and report an unsupervised young child at the park also explaining my concerns about the suspicious man. I'm sure that the father would have gotten a different impression if a cop had brought his child back to his car and told him he needs to watch him, rather than you.

 

[Stevie]

Last summer there was a neighbor girl (2 doors down) 4 yo and seemed younger than my 3 yo. She would show up at our house almost every day to play with my daughter, no parent after the first time.
My DD is pretty compliant with the rules which keep her in my line of sight from almost any window on that side of the house, but this spring she disappeared (now she's 4 yo) She'd been gone for less than 5 minutes; I was out screaming at the top of my lungs for her and she came running over from the neighbor girl's house immediately. I sent her into the house and her consequence was no more outside time for the remainder of the day and for the next 3 days she could only go out if I could go with her. The neighbor girl (now 5 yo) couldn't believe I was so mean and I had to explain to her every day of the consequence *why* DD was being disciplined.
I *think* her parents must have decided that I was judging them harshly by not letting DD go over and their DD hasn't been over here since.

Anyway, I guess I'm just saying that different people parent differently. Stranger abduction is extremely rare and some folks just are more relaxed... I happen to be one of the kind who are ultra paranoid; I'm picturing DC being taken around every corner, being molested if I leave them with anyone else... but I do try to allow some latitude (I read when we're at the park

) I also prefer to be friends with the parents of DD's friends.

I guess I know how irritated I get when someone questions my parenting choices; I try to remember that my way is right for me, not necessarily right for someone else... unless there's actual abuse going on of course... but that's just my take on it Only my opinion and worth what is paid for it :LOL

 

[thirtycats]

Quote:

Depending on how well I knew the other adults and kids, the type of the party, and whether the area where the kids were was not isolated from the adults, I might also let my kids "be."

At the Sukkot party, the children were all alone upstairs while the adults were downstairs. One other mother besides myself were up there. We were pretty much trying to protect our babies from being trampled.

Earlier on at the party, we had all been outside. There parents did their things and children did their own thing. We were all in the same general area, but seperate. That's fine...great. But I don't think a whole crowd of kids should be upstairs by themselves. And I don't think 2 parents should have the primary responsibility of watchin all the kids.

Dina

 

[thistle]

I was at the neighborhood pool a few weeks ago and there was an 8 yo girl there by herself. The pool doesnt have a lifeguard or anything and dd(2 yo) and I were the only other ones there. WTF?????!!!!! She came over to talk to us and I asked her who was with her, she said her 15 yo brother was playing basketball. You can't see the pool from the court. At first dd & I were in the baby pool and she was in the big pool by herself!

I will certainly make a grocery list or read an article while dd is playing at the indoor playscape here, but the pool is dangerous.

 

[Melaniee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 I think this is one of those sad occurrences that aren't dangerous or neglectful enough to warrant taking action, but that peirce the hearts of more protective/aware parents.

Ditto. I hope I'll never do it, but I don't think it warrants police action.

 

[jeca]

What exactly do you think the police will do?I'm not trying to be funny, I'm really wondering what they woudl do. I don't think this is a case to involve authorities.

 

[Dechen]

Stranger abduction may be rare, but molestation is all too common.