[LunaMom]

Okay, I have officially become a soccer mom, I guess, since DD, almost five, began playing soccer (if you can call twenty kids all running after a ball and trying to kick it soccer!). I don't drive a minivan, though!

Anyway, the kids and their families all seem really nice, and it's a good way to get dd out of the house and exercising on Saturday mornings, and she really loves it. But I've noticed that a couple of moms, when their kids seemed reluctant to play, were REALLY hard on the kids. They got very manipulative about it, too, starting with things like, "Come on, your team needs you," and progressing to "Well, if you're just going to stand here and watch, then we'll just go home, and no more soccer for you! Daddy's going to be really disappointed to hear that you wouldn't even play."

Sheesh! I couldn't believe it...these kids are all around four and five. My DD seems pretty comfortable playing, but if she hung back for any reason, I would respect it and maybe offer some gentle encouragement, but it really bugged me to hear these moms laying all sorts of guilt on their kids for just being kids. Talk about living vicariously...and these were the MOMS. Anyone else experience this?

 

[CerridwenLorelei]

I mean how sad was it that I as the coach was there just to teach them the basics and not getting upset with them yet their parents screamed at them, expected them to be Pele after ONE practice and cussed -yes cussed at them and me during and after games when we did not win ...
and it was 4-6 yr olds who had not played before ..

Can't help much but can empathize with you..

 

[Britishmum]

Oh this brought back memories. I used to manage some teams of 10-11 year olds, organise games, transport, etc, all in my spare time. I didnt even have a kid in the teams, I just did it for the fun.

A small number of parents were awful . For example, during one game, a cup final, the referee didnt call an offside and give us a free kick. He probably missed as many offsides for our team, and it all evens out in the end. One of the dads wanted me to go up to the ref, mid-game, and complain. I refused.

The dad marched onto the pitch, and dragged his son, who was the goalkeeper, off, with the kids just coming to a halt around him. Yelling obscenities at me, he dragged the poor boy to the car and left. We were left without a goalie, and so our team lost the match.

The dad then acted like he was punishing me by refusing to let his boy play again. He didnt get it that he was only punishing his kid. The poor boy even came to apologise to me for his father's behaviour. Quite amazing! The father seemed to think that he was managing a top player for Manchester United or something.

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[toepea]

Oooooooops, I am probably one of those moms! My oldest was always very eager to sign up for teams and then when the time came to play and/or practice he would not participate. I am guilty of telling him that his team needed him to play with them, and that we had talked about what it meant to be on a team and that it was very disappointing to me that now he didn't want to join in with the other children.... and then I told him......(gulp!) If he wasn't going to partcipate we had better things to do than stand around and watch the other kids practice so he had to decide to either play or we were out of there.

Frankly, I could care less if he plays or not, but I had talked with him about being on a team and what it was all about, and why it was important to me and his teammate that he participate. It has nothing to do with me, other than the $75.00 could have easily been spent elsewhere, and everything with him getting the *team* concept and the idea that if you say you are going to do something ---then you need to follow through.

I must also add that this was after he had quit several other teams/activities that I freely allowed him to choose to quit without saying a word about it.

Perhaps you don't know these moms whole story.........??

 

[journeymom]

I was thinking the same thing, toepeal.

Though this comment was inappropriate: "Daddy's going to be really disappointed to hear that you wouldn't even play." Dad can keep his disappointments to himself; it's not the child's job to make Daddy happy.

LunaMom, I have seen some parents who took their 5-7 y.o.'s game much too seriously. These people are no fun to be around.

But last year 7 y.o. dd was in YMCA's non-competative soccer with a very reserved, shy friend. Neither of those girls are especially athletic or agressive. And I've noticed the more aggresive kids tend to be the better players. They're willing to get in there and steal the ball.

In anycase, dd's friend, with encouragement and gentle prodding from her mother came out of her shell and got into the game a bit. By the end of the 6 week course she was a different, better player. It probably fed her self esteem, too.

 

[Britishmum]

There's such a difference between encouragement and gentle prodding, and pressure. I think what the OP was about was pressure.

The OP also talked of four and five year olds, which is a different ballgame (ha!) to seven year olds. Many young children need to observe for some time before participating. In my experience, American parents in particular have too much of an issue about 'participation'. A bit like the thing about 'independence'. Some children just need to be allowed to be.

My older dd is exactly like that. If anyone pressures her to 'participate' they set her back by miles. One of our problems is that other parents try to be 'helpful' and pressure her for me, probably because they think I"m doing nothing. In fact, I'm letting her observe until she feels comfortable enough to get involved. Whenever someone does that, she is even more reluctant to get involved. I have to pick who we mix with for activities very carefully.

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[LunaMom]

Thanks, Britishmum, for clarifying for me! That's exactly what I meant!

I don't think I gave great examples...I had forgotten exactly what the moms said to the kids but it was definitely pressure and guilt trips, not encouragement.

 

[CerridwenLorelei]

between "honey why don't you try this way? or go play with your team " than what I put up with ( the association wouldn't let me say what I wanted to heh heh)

Telling a four year old who is JUST LEARNING THe ropes "Get Your A** out there and kick the ball"

"What the H*** is your problem?" etc

 

[Chaja]

Here is an article about some Moms in S.C. that started a pick-up soccer group to get away from all the over structured soccer leagues - pretty cool!!

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/25/garden/25BACK.html