[goodygumdrops]

Ok so this is my situation...

I am 32. My hubby and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 2 year old. We have been together for 10 years. We have done a miniscule amount of marriage counseling and my hubby himself needs a lot of therapy but doesnt pursue help. I have been in therapy now for a little over a year and I have been suffering from some major ppd and general depression.

I have finally come to realize how much my disfunctional marriage is affecting my mental state and I am now really preparing myself for a possible split.

We live near my family but I am a sahm. We just relocated from WA to Fl. We are flat broke...and are probably heading towards bankruptcy. I have a decent amount of students loans that will not be forgiven. We are already on Medicaid and we just started getting food stamps this month.

I have a BA that is relatively useless. I realize that if we split, than I need to find a career that can support my son and I without relying on child support. I am very seriously considering nursing and I have spoken to an advisor at the local cc. I think the ideal situation would be for me to get an RN and then eventually become a nurse practitioner and lactation consultant.

Obviously my son would go to daycare/montessori school. I am going to see if I can find a montessori program that would offer financial aid.

I think my biggest concern is how will I got to school and support my son and still be able to see him, yk. I can start taking pre reqs this fall or possibly this summer.

I am all over the place but I'm looking for some btdt or "no way your crazy" advice. Thanks

Oh and, if we split, I am assuming that my hubby will want to stay close because he has been very involved with parenting my son and I dont expect him to just split. I am just preparing myself to not rely on anyone else, yk

 

[singin'intherain]

You can do it! An RN takes about three years of full time schooling, so that's a long term solution. What you need to look at first is getting your bases covered for right now. Where will you live? How will you pay all the bills? Can you go to school and cover all the bills at the same time? These are the important first questions to ask.

A lot of mamas on here know a lot about the legal system, so ask questions.

 

[Emilie]

You do not have to go to school right now. You sounded ALOT like me. You are getting a divorce- you do not have to fix everything at once. Calm down.
For one if you are getting food stamps you get deferred on your student loans. For two- you can live on very little money.
I have and its not that bad.
I have found since I divorced I SHOULD have taken time to baby myself and start slow- not take on the world like super mom- cause I tried and I FELL FLAT ON MY FACE.
I now work forty two hours at a really cool nursery( 4 tens) and clean houses on Fridays( which is really really good money) I also clean the sitters house on wed nights to get friday daycare free.
How old is your child?

 

[vocalise]

You can do it, but I agree with the PP. Figure out how you will take care of yourself before you begin. It may mean taking some time to work through the split before diving into school. Make sure that you make your own sanity top priority. I like the old airplane mask example: put your own mask on first, or you will be useless to your child.

I finished two degrees before my son turned three, with very little help. I made sure that we had quality time when we were home together, and I made a big deal out of nighttime parenting; I can't tell you how grateful I am/was that we coslept and could connect in the evenings. It was incredibly exhausting, overall, but we had good times, both together and at school/daycare.

Be resourceful. Research low-income perks like grants/housing/bursaries/etc. I got all kinds of bursaries when I was in school in part because I was one of the few who knew to apply for them. Work the system. At one point, given all the subsidies, etc. I had going on, I figured out it was actually "cheaper" for me to work part time than full time in the summers. Knowledge is power, especially for us single mamas.

Good luck to you. You CAN do it. Just be smart and calculated about it. And be gentle on yourself. Transitions like these are tough, and sometimes slowing down, while it may go against your first instincts, is necessary for awhile.

 

[goodygumdrops]

I do tend to go overboard with stuff...my brain just goes on overdrive, yk. As for taking care of myself, I can totally see myself getting overwhelmed and falling flat on my face. I tend to do that often actually

We are not even talking divorce yet but I know its coming and what Im trying to do now is to prepare for the responsibility. Im not even sure how it will go. My husband and I talked about it in the past but it was always during a heated moment and things were really hard. I feel really rational about it now and I dont know if thats a good thing or not.

Actually I feel tons of things about it, conflicted and resolved at the same time....is that normal?

I am going to start researching grants, childcare subsidies and stuff. Also, custody and stuff is really scary....I dont even want to think about it.

 

[windorabug]

Hi there! School is totally doable! I go to school full-time. I do not get child support (however I do have a friend who helps out occasionally - trips to Target for clothes/cat litter/etc.) I do get food stamps & my dd gets health care through the state. I get heating assistance in the winter (not much at all!)

My dd goes to preschool 1 day a week & I swap childcare with a friend 1 day a week. (her son comes to our house 1 day - dd goes to their house 1 day)
I tried to consolidate all my classes into 2 days & some online so I only have to find child care 2 days & maybe some time during finals. With your family close by maybe they could help you a bit? (It never hurts to ask - I never would have asked my friend about swapping & it has been working out so well)

I do my school work while dd is napping or sometimes at night but usually I'm too tired at the end of the day! I live on finical aid & grants. I know that there are a TON of scholarships available to single moms. (just don't take mine! jk

)

As far as going through a divorce - I have not been there. I have been single since I was 3 months pregnant. But I do recommend continuing with therapy if you can, it has been a life saver for me & has helped to keep me focused on myself & my dd & on moving forward while still trying to work through some of the crap from before.

I wish you the best & you are strong & I 'm sure you are smart too! Good luck,
Jen

 

[singin'intherain]

Windorabug, please don't hold back! Where do you find the grants and scholarships for single moms? I've searched, and come up with a few small ones- like $500 (please!), two awards and 600 people applying! How do you do it?

 

[twinalicious]

I'm a student and single with twins. I get Pell grants that cover all my schooling. Up until now I have done night classes and family has babysat, but come summer I will take day classes and I will get CYFD to cover tuition (however they only cover until the child is old enough to go to public school)

It's doable!

 

[twinalicious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by singin'intherain Windorabug, please don't hold back! Where do you find the grants and scholarships for single moms? I've searched, and come up with a few small ones- like $500 (please!), two awards and 600 people applying! How do you do it?

Go to your schools financial aide department. You can also apply online for Pell Grants at http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

 

[singin'intherain]

I get the Pell grant, plus a couple of smaller state grants, and those cover tuition and books, plus some to cover child care. That's the killer! I pay ten dollars an hour (for four kids), which amounts to $2000 a quarter just for child care. I keep hearing about women who are managing to cover rent and child care with scholarships, but I don't know about anything that significant. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I'm just trying to have too many things going at one time. I want to keep my kids out of school, have excellent child care, live in a house, AND go to school myself. Right now I'm doing three out of four- we live in a tiny subsidized apartment- so that's really pretty good. However, it does limit my choices because we can't stay here forever! I'm going for Dental Assisting for now, so I can get a part time job that will allow me to pay rent on a house. Then hopefully I'll be able to go back for what I really want to do, which is dentistry.

I waited until two years into single motherhood to start school. My kids are a little older now, so they're more independent. Plus I think that having to be with a babysitter 20 hours a week when they were used to being with me 24/7 would have been too much right after a major change in their lives. I feel confident in my daily routine, and everything is fairly stable and smooth. I don't feel like I need to just sit and veg when the kids go to their dad's, so the studying isn't a hardship. I'm really glad I waited until now to go back.