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Hi Jessica! Since you had such wonderful advice for the sleep issues we were experiencing with Jareth, i thought I would ask your advice on our other issue. Overall, things are great with our little dude. But, with no other parents we know the do attachment parenting and many around us not very understanding/supportive, it's hard to know what to do.
Within the past month or so (he's 16 months now), Jareth has started screaming. Now, he's always been a loud kid and he comes by it honestly. He doesn't exactly throw tantrums, but he just screams. if he's happy, sad, frustrated, playing, angry, doesn't matter. We have tried to teach him to use a quiet voice by making th shh sign and whispering, but he just doesn't get it (or doesn't care). It gets to be really disruptive in any social situation - out to dinner, at a store, at the park, etc.
The other, slightly related, issue is the aggression eh has begun exhibiting. He is a biter. While he will try to bite other people when he is really ticked off at them, he mostly bites me. Over the past couple months there has rarely been a day I wasn't sporting at least one bruise on my shoulder or arm from a Jareth bite. He has also begun hitting. When he was younger, it was more that he was very exuberant and excited and he would accidentally smack you. We would tell him to be careful and use gentle touches, then taking his hand and modeling the gentle touch. This no longer works. When he gets angry or frustrated, he actually glares at you (which in any other situation would be hilarious - the look on his face is so incongruous with a baby that I can't put them together), raises his hand up like a threat, then smacks as hard as his little hand can. We have tried the gentle touch approach, making sad faces and telling him "Don't hit! Hurts Mommy!" and setting him down and saying "That hurts Mommy. Mommy doesn't want to play with you when you hit/scream at/are mean to her" and I will sit apart from him until he settles down. usually, he just follows me and tries to keep hitting me. We don't spank, although we have resorted to it a couple times in the past out of sheer frustration or dangerous situations. After, we usually apologize and tell him we shouldn't hit, we are sorry.
We were just visiting my sister, who has a 2.5 year old daughter. She is opposite of Jareth in every way - very quiet, very shy. Jareth raised his hand to hit her and she was in hysterical tears. Each time he yelled she would say "Baby Jawef, no shreiking" and if he did it again, it made her very upset. She spent the weekend running away from him and demanding people hold her so she wasn't on his level. He is not around others his age often, but I am now honestly a little afraid - I don't know how to deal with a biter/hitter/screamer in toddler social situations, either.
All around, he has actually stopped listening to us, now that I am thinking about it all and writing it down. He tries to turn on the knobs to our stove and no matter what we try, he won't leave them alone, so we have had to block off our kitchen. When he is outside or somewhere and we try to call him back, he won't come, he runs away like it's a game.
Any advice you can provide would be appreciated. Your style of LOVE parenting so jives with how we are trying to raise our son, and your advice is heartfelt and helpful.
Thanks!
Within the past month or so (he's 16 months now), Jareth has started screaming. Now, he's always been a loud kid and he comes by it honestly. He doesn't exactly throw tantrums, but he just screams. if he's happy, sad, frustrated, playing, angry, doesn't matter. We have tried to teach him to use a quiet voice by making th shh sign and whispering, but he just doesn't get it (or doesn't care). It gets to be really disruptive in any social situation - out to dinner, at a store, at the park, etc.
The other, slightly related, issue is the aggression eh has begun exhibiting. He is a biter. While he will try to bite other people when he is really ticked off at them, he mostly bites me. Over the past couple months there has rarely been a day I wasn't sporting at least one bruise on my shoulder or arm from a Jareth bite. He has also begun hitting. When he was younger, it was more that he was very exuberant and excited and he would accidentally smack you. We would tell him to be careful and use gentle touches, then taking his hand and modeling the gentle touch. This no longer works. When he gets angry or frustrated, he actually glares at you (which in any other situation would be hilarious - the look on his face is so incongruous with a baby that I can't put them together), raises his hand up like a threat, then smacks as hard as his little hand can. We have tried the gentle touch approach, making sad faces and telling him "Don't hit! Hurts Mommy!" and setting him down and saying "That hurts Mommy. Mommy doesn't want to play with you when you hit/scream at/are mean to her" and I will sit apart from him until he settles down. usually, he just follows me and tries to keep hitting me. We don't spank, although we have resorted to it a couple times in the past out of sheer frustration or dangerous situations. After, we usually apologize and tell him we shouldn't hit, we are sorry.
We were just visiting my sister, who has a 2.5 year old daughter. She is opposite of Jareth in every way - very quiet, very shy. Jareth raised his hand to hit her and she was in hysterical tears. Each time he yelled she would say "Baby Jawef, no shreiking" and if he did it again, it made her very upset. She spent the weekend running away from him and demanding people hold her so she wasn't on his level. He is not around others his age often, but I am now honestly a little afraid - I don't know how to deal with a biter/hitter/screamer in toddler social situations, either.
All around, he has actually stopped listening to us, now that I am thinking about it all and writing it down. He tries to turn on the knobs to our stove and no matter what we try, he won't leave them alone, so we have had to block off our kitchen. When he is outside or somewhere and we try to call him back, he won't come, he runs away like it's a game.
Any advice you can provide would be appreciated. Your style of LOVE parenting so jives with how we are trying to raise our son, and your advice is heartfelt and helpful.
Thanks!
It is truly a quick and literal reminder for him to stop what he's doing, look at you and listen to your voice, and then return into the swirl of play, integrating whatever instruction you needed him to hear. Have him sing "Stop! Look! Listen!" (any melody will do) at a time when the listening isn't an issue; this makes it easier to access the desired response later.
