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Hi all....looking for advice. You know, I have read and read and never read a lot about discipline. So I am just starting wrap my mind around how we are going to approach it all.

My 12 mo ds is very high need, which is fine, I can handle it....right? Anyways, he has started to yell/scream/howl when put in his high chair for any meal. He acts this way if I don't IMMEDIATELY place food in front of him. Also, if the food runs out too quickly. I tell him, "I will give you _____ in a minute. " Try to be quick, but I am at a wits end. My dh is getting really unnerved by this too.

How to handle this in a way that he will understand and get him to CALM down????

ALSO.......we are trying to create a safe play environment, etc so that he can explore without me saying "NO" all the time, but what can I say/do instead? He needs to know there are boundaries, right? Or is that not GD?

TIA....I am just starting to read about GD. I am getting my info here and other recommended sources.

Not wanting to say "NO" all the time
.....H
 

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I find talking all the time helps. As you are getting more food, explain that you are getting up and going to the pantry. Hey! I found the crackers! Let's open the bag and take a couple out for DC. Look at the crackers I got for you! I'm coming over to give them to you now. There are your crackers!

As far as a safe place to play, I've made our living/dining/kitchen as child safe as possible and if I find her getting into something that's suddenly not childsafe, I tell her it's not safe and distract while I get it child-safe.
 

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Is there a way you could prepare the food and put it on the high chair before you put him in? That seems like it would take care of some of the problem. Also, could you try putting more food on the highchair than you think he will eat? I don't mean pile it on by any means, but maybe put a little more on so he knows it is available -- especially if you have a basic idea of how much he usually eats.

Good luck
 

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We had the same thing with jet (now 13m) from a very early age he would scream a tragedy when he didn't have more food right now.

We started in with giving him more effective communication tools for the situation.

When he was younger we would model the kind of language we wanted to hear:

"Yaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh"
"Can you say daddy that food is soooo good, can I have some more?"
*feed another bite.*

We were just trying to change the attitude in the room. Not withholding food or anything, just trying to model the fact that nice conversations are part of getting people to do the things you want.

we showed him the baby signs and to be honest his dexterity was not that great for it till recently.

When he was about 10 months he started to mimic my phrase and would say "daddy"
To get my attention instead of screaming/crying. I did my best to honor the concept that the best way to get my attention is to nicely call out my name.

Now we address his yelling in a slightly different way (since he is older). We say "jet can you think of a better way to ask." Of course it is not like we withhold or make asking nicely a condition of being fed. But we definatly let him know that the fastest easiest way to get what he wants is to ask nicely and he DEFINATLY gets it.
 

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Hi,

Talking them through it, and minimizing his wait time are about all you can do. So, I second the getting things ready ahead of time. When he's out of food, I would calmly say "oh, you want more?" and do the sign for more quickly while getting him more. He sounds like a hungry guy -- maybe you need to make more?? The calmer you are, the calmer he will react, but he still may be intense!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapi2help
ALSO.......we are trying to create a safe play environment, etc so that he can explore without me saying "NO" all the time, but what can I say/do instead? He needs to know there are boundaries, right? Or is that not GD?
GD does acknowledge boundaries, but I view my job as first and foremost to TEACH my children and help them understand why there are boundaries. So, until they're old enough to have some inkling of understanding, I teach, but don't expect them to do much on their own. My first rule is to create an environment that doesn't lead to battles. My second is to redirect them to something they CAN do (hopefully that's similar). At this age, those are the only 2 things I use.

So, you can work now on telling him what he CAN do, rather than what he can't or 'no'. So, instead of saying "no, don't hit" I try to say "gentle touches please" and demonstrate. Instead of "don't stand on the chair (a big issue at our house these days), it's "put your bottom (or knees) on the chair". It took me some practice to get this down, but once you can do it 'naturally' it really, really does work.

"No" has it's place, but I try to reserve it for dangerous situations when that's the first word out of my mouth. Even then I'm trying to say 'STOP' as that's what I want them to do.
 
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