[Mosaic]

And need hugs.

DD's class at daycare had a holiday party, family invited, at 3:30 yesterday. I imagine most full-time parents, typically work until 5:00 or later, so I dutifully signed up to bring supplies and left them there in the morning at drop-off, planning on missing the party because, c'mon, I gotta work!

'Till I looked at the webcam that afternoon: 7 kids, 6 parents.

Fought back tears and rushed out to get there just in time to see the parents all taking their kids home and get those awful "why'd you show up NOW?!?!" looks.

The only saving graces are that 1) DD was having a great time without me, and 2) she got to go home when the rest of the kids did instead of sit around by herself until I got there at regular time.

She's fine, I still feel like the worst parent ever.

 

[~pi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mosaic And need hugs. DD's class at daycare had a holiday party, family invited, at 3:30 yesterday. I imagine most full-time parents, typically work until 5:00 or later, so I dutifully signed up to bring supplies and left them there in the morning at drop-off, planning on missing the party because, c'mon, I gotta work! 'Till I looked at the webcam that afternoon: 7 kids, 6 parents. Fought back tears and rushed out to get there just in time to see the parents all taking their kids home and get those awful "why'd you show up NOW?!?!" looks. The only saving graces are that 1) DD was having a great time without me, and 2) she got to go home when the rest of the kids did instead of sit around by herself until I got there at regular time. She's fine, I still feel like the worst parent ever.

I missed DS' holiday concert this year because I didn't understand that it was a concert. Everyone else understood and was there, dressed up, with videocameras. I felt like a moron, but you know, DS didn't seem to care at all.

Your DD is fine. It really doesn't matter what the other parents thought. (And FWIW, I'll bet the looks were more confusion than anything else.) Everyone has BTDT on some level.

 

[rivkah]

Please don't beat yourself up. If your child was happy, it doesn't matter what other judgmental parents thought.

If it makes you feel better, you are not alone. I have missed a million school activities. I try to go to at least one thing per semester that is during school hours. I work 45 minutes from my children's school now, and used to be about 30 minutes away. It is just not always possible to leave in the middle of the day and miss 2-3 hours of school. If I do miss work during the week, that means I have to do that work some other time--like in the evening or on the weekend. My children are fine, by the way. We spend a lot of time together when I am NOT working.

 

[anjelika]

 

[Carita]

yeah - DS had a holiday party. He is new in his room becuase he just moved up and the DCP had told me about a party on Friday. I was home with him on a Wed because family was here that I was entertaining, he was sleeping in my lap, and the DCP calls to see if I would be there - at 11. Um... Okay, I can figure out how to be there - sure. I show up Friday for his first day back and confirm 11 as the luncheon time. They looked at me like I had 5 heads. Turns out there were 2 holiday luncheons - one on Thursday (we missed

) and then one the NEXT Friday in the afternoon.

yup - felt like the the worst mom ever.

Same thing with Halloween.... Why are all the moms there hanging out with the babies - because they are trick or treating with them... um... I never heard about this, and I HAVE to go to school because I have class.

Right there with you... its okay! You are not a bad mama, you are just in a school with lots of over acheiver mamas - LOL.

 

[lolar2]

I've been at a few things where some parents didn't come. The dialogue always goes:

one parent: Is so-and-so coming?
another: I don't know. I don't see him/ her.
first parent: Oh, I guess s/he had to work.
the other: OK.

And that's it. No one thinks anything of it. I've missed things too. It happens to everyone.

 

[diaperqueen]

Well, your dd was having a great time--that's what matters. And as for the parents giving you looks...they seriously need to get a life.

We've all felt like bad moms at times, but showing up at the end of a holiday party doesn't qualify you for bad mom status! Your dd still got to leave early for some extra time with you--that was a treat for her.

 

[hparsh]

When I was little my parents never attended my awards ceremonies, sporting events, or any school events really.

Guess what? They are the most giving, self-less parents anyone could ask for. My dad was simply not able to go because of work, and mom was at home raising 7 children all by herself.

They supported me through college and to this day have an open door policy if I should ever need to move back home for financial reasons or whatever. My mom would give me the shirt off her back, literally.

In other words, just because you have to work and couldn't attend your LO's holiday party, you will not scar her in any way. I'm sure you make it up to her a 1,000 times over when you do spend time with her.

I know it's hard to be away from our LO's though and I understand how you feel. She will be okay.

:

 

[soccermama]

 

[Caneel]

Been there, felt like that.

With me, its the treats and such. I see other moms bringing in cupcakes and special things for birthdays, gift bags for candy holidays (Easter, Halloween), valentines, etc. This went on even in the infant and toddler room.

The school has a no-holiday policy and I think the parents go overboard trying to make sure their kids know it is Christmas or whatever Hallmark day is occuring that month.

While I don't have the time, energy or desire to do the same, I do feel a bit like a loser when I don't.

 

[Mosaic]

Aw, thank you so much, ladies... I really needed to hear from other women who have been in the same position and "get it." I'm glad I'm not alone, but it stinks that we've all felt this cruddy before.

I so frequently feel like I don't do enough (as I know you all understand!), but then to feel like I completely dropped the ball on this one was just the tipping point, I think.

I got some good quality time with DD the last 2 evenings and I'm feeling much less like the worst mom in the world.

I'm also excited because after today I get a whole week off with her!!

Here's hoping 2009 is mom-guilt-FREE for all of us!!

 

[GooeyRN]

That sort of irks me. The purpose of daycare is to have a safe and fun place for your kids to go when parents can NOT be with them, whether for work, school, etc. You are PAYING for them to take care of your kid b/c you can't at that time. Having a party for the kids where parents are invited is just sad. I can see doing something like that for school but not daycare. It is like the daycare is wanting the parents to feel bad. I am sorry that happened. Try not to feel bad about it. Your little one had fun.

If it makes you feel better, my mom missed stuff when she worked. I was not traumatized by it at all. She missed some concerts, field trips, etc. I knew mom had to work. I didn't expect her to be there for the stuff, anyway. So I wasn't really disappointed or anything. There were a few seconds of being sad wishing my mom could be there, but it really wasn't a big deal at all. Honest.

You did not screw up. Screwing up would be promising her that you would be there and then not showing up without notice.

 

[Terpsfan]

Thank you for posting this thread!! I cannot wait until May when my DD will have been in daycare for 1 year and I would have been through the entire year "cycle" of holidays. I have felt like a loser many, many times this year. Some instances....

- Totally missed the memo about a Halloween parade. I show up to pick DD up at normal time and the ENTIRE school (with parents) are parading around the shopping plaza (center is freestanding structure but shares parking lot with some other shops), all costumed. DD was 1) not in costume and 2) wearing her "extra" clothes from her bin because she had a poop blowout earlier. AND the clothes were slightly too small because I hadn't had a chance to go out and get bigger ones for the new season. She looked like the poor orphan girl with too small clothes not in costume being wheeled around the parade. And I, the bewildered, shocked, holding back tears mom feeling like the worst mother on the planet...

- Missed the memo about "purple" Fridays. Every Friday before a Ravens home game the kids wear their jerseys/team colors (purple/black). I got an earfull when my sports nut DH came home from dropping her off and reported that his DD was the ONLY one not wearing Ravens gear!!!

- Just this morning, Breakfast with Santa. I was all geared up for this, both DH and I planned our schedules around going and being there for pictures with Santa. Well, turns out it was more for the older classroom kids and none of the parents from my DD's room were there. Doh!

We will figure this out sooner than later I hope.

 

[ShwarmaQueen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mosaic I so frequently feel like I don't do enough (as I know you all understand!), but then to feel like I completely dropped the ball on this one was just the tipping point, I think.

Can I take over your thread for just a second?

Why does our society (in general) have this attitude? We constantly feel guilty about not doing enough and compare ourselves to other parents- and that's not right. But I'm guilty of it. For christ's sake, I feel guilty for letting her watch a Disney movie when "she could be learning elementary school math" instead, kwim? However, in some societies, DH's for example (they're very poor) there is no "keeping up with the Jone's attitude because EVERYONE is poor and extracurricular activities just don't exist (for the same reason) and those kids feel just as loved and respected as ours! But it's so hard here (in the States) to live in a society where if our kids wear clothes that are a little snug or don't wear a certain color, or we can't come participate in a mid-day activity because we have to make a living then WE FEEL GUILTY.

Come on, our kids know we love them and would lay down in front of traffic for them- we shouldn't forget that and get hung up over silly little things.

 

[diaperqueen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terpsfan - Just this morning, Breakfast with Santa. I was all geared up for this, both DH and I planned our schedules around going and being there for pictures with Santa. Well, turns out it was more for the older classroom kids and none of the parents from my DD's room were there. Doh!

Did they let you, dh, & dd at least pop in for a visit & picture? I hope so!

 

[Terpsfan]

Yes, thankfully we got our obligatory "screaming on Santa's lap" photo for the year

 

[Monda]

 

[beebalmmama]

That sort of irks me. The purpose of daycare is to have a safe and fun place for your kids to go when parents can NOT be with them, whether for work, school, etc. You are PAYING for them to take care of your kid b/c you can't at that time. Having a party for the kids where parents are invited is just sad. I can see doing something like that for school but not daycare. It is like the daycare is wanting the parents to feel bad. I am sorry that happened. Try not to feel bad about it. Your little one had fun.

:

Ds had a party that a family member was supposed to be there for too. I told the DCP that we couln't because of work and she said "Oh, someone really needs to be here!" WE WORK!! This is what I wanted to say. I wouldn't have DS at daycare at that time if I wasn't working. I did tell her that I would have to take vacation or sick time to try to be there. Fortunately we had a snow day and schools and daycare closed... I don't think DS was dissapointed anyway.