[woodchick]

My SIL and BIL are on the cusp of bringing home a new baby. She is their first and will be close to 5 months when they finally get her home.

They live overseas and I am wanting to send them an AP friendly baby guide book of some sort. I have flipped through the Baby Book and liked what I've read, but my situation is totally different than SIL's.

Have you found that the Baby Book was a good resource for Adoptive Families? I guess I'm a little concerned that the breastfeeding sections might be off putting- but I have no way of knowing from my point of view.

Please help a Mama out here! If the Baby Book isn't the way to go can you recommend something better?

Thanks so much!

 

[SundayCrepes]

I have nursed my adoptive baby since 6 hours of age. She could try and do the same if she was so inclined. With a 5 month old it might be more difficult and the Sears book would not be much help in that area.

However, in regards to the book in general. It is a great resource about caring for children up to the age of 2. Since my adopted baby was my second I didn't refer to it all that often, but I did when I had my first. I would think it would be helpful to them.

 

[Laurel]

I think the Sears book is fine. He is actually milder on the bf'ing than other books I've read.

For an AP-friendly adoption book, I highly recommend Patricia Irwin Johnston's "Launching a Baby's Adoption".

 

[sbrinton]

The Dr Sears books talk about a lot of topics other than breastfeeding, including sleep, baby wearing, the transition to parenthood. Honestly with as many books as he has written, I'm suprised there isn't a book focused on adoption...

 

[Laurel]

I haven't checked lately, but for years, his website promised an upcoming section on adoption. Never did see it. Since he himself has adopted a child, you would think it might have been a bigger priority.

 

[woodchick]

Thanks all. I quickly read the 'bottlefeeding' section on the askdrsears website and the whole first section seems to be 'why formula is so much worse than breastmilk' I know we all agree that breastmilk is best, but that isn't an option for my SIL and I didn't want to pass on info that would make her feel bad, you know?

But just now I went and read further down (it is a long page) and the info goes into greater depth and doesn't seem so judgey.

Thanks for your advice.

 

[marsupial-mom]

I'm a foster mom and I'll admit I'm frustrated by ALL the baby books and how they assume the mother reading is the birth mother. There are all kinds of references like "your baby was waiting in your womb for 9 months" blah blah blah... it makes me sad and angry.

But overall, most of the advice was more helpful than off-putting.

 

[crl]

Honestly, I did find the Sears book a little off-putting. Both the breast-feeding stuff and the co-sleeping stuff. I absolutely believe breast is best, but hormones give me migraines and there's just no way I'm going to try to induce lactation when the odds are high I would end up incapacitating myself and not produce enough breast milk to completely feed the child anyway. (Kudos to those who do adoptive breast feeding though!)

And I'm completely supportive of any non-cry-it-out sleeping that works. But co-sleeping did not work for us with DS. I'm not sure if that's really adoption related or not. He came home at 13.5 months so it's possible co-sleeping would have gone better if he had been accustomed to it all along, but maybe not.

At any rate, I don't mind being informed about breast-feeding and co-sleeping, but somehow the Sears book made me feel like I should be guilty or our parenting was inferior because those things didn't work for us. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive on those points.

I'm not sure what to suggest as an alternative on attachment parenting. I would say that it's very likely that as prospective adoptive parents they've already read about attachment in adoption--there are some good books specifically on that topic. I did recently buy Baby 411 as more of a reference manual and I found it helpful and less guilt-inducing than Sears, but I'm more focused on the newborn thing this time around as I haven't had that experience yet (we're planning to adopt a newborn domestically this time).

Catherine

 

[RiverandJulie]

As an adoptive Mom, I really like the Sears book. Dr Sears did adopt one child, so there is some stuff in there about adopting. Yes, there is a BIG section on breastfeeding, but with the little time I have these days, I just thought....Yes! one section I dont have to read.

Yes, sometimes I get annoyed that every book talks about breastfeeding being best, and since he is adopted, Im not breastfeeding. (Yes, I know there are ways to do i, but Personal choice), I feel comfortable with my choice and dont let those books get me down.,

 

[Sierra]

I have given the Baby book as baby shower gifts in the past, but as an adoptive mom, honestly, I would hesitate to give it to another adoptive mom. I have never really connected with the book myself. Maybe a gift subscription to Mothering (??).

 

[Laurel]

I don't know about a Mothering subscription. I've cancelled my own subscription several times because it's just too hard to deal with the constant focus on pregnancy and birth and there gets to be little in the magazine that celebrates or reflects my own motherhood experience. I think the Sears book is far more neutral than Mothering is.

 

[Jenne]

(Totally off topic! I read the title and thought, huh?! Why would Sear's department store publish a special catalog for adoptive families? I guess that is nice but I thought all babies sort of needed the same equipment and I didn't imagine that there was a big niche for that...

)

What ever you decide you could always write a note expressing your joy at their adoption and something like, "I found parts of this to be of great help. I hope that the parts that resonate with your family are assistive." That way if some of it doesn't apply that's fine you haven't tacitly said, "do this."

Congratulations on your new niece/nephew!

Jenne