[tomas_maly]

I am looking for others in the Philadelphia/South Jersey/Delaware areas who like the idea of ecovillage-style intentional communities. It would be vegetarian/vegan friendly (if not entirely). As it is currently only one man's fantasy, the privatization/publicization of money and resources (ie whether homes are single-family or multi-family, etc...) is not set in stone, it can be discussed and figured out. What matters is that we work towards a better way of life we ALL need to live NOW, for our sake as hardworking adults and our children's sake as well.

The long-term goal is to form an intentional community (sometime within the next 2 years) here in South Jersey (somewhere rural on 20+ acres). We should strive to live as close to nature and simplistic as possible (exploring the primitive ways of life of our ancestors), promoting self-reliance (natural home building, gardening/farming, etc...), self-employment (to make such financially feasible), simplicity (living as integrated with nature and the outdoor world as possible, and minimizing the artificial indoor world), and an unschooling environment where our children can be encorporated into every day life (where their natural free will , self-esteem and ambition for life aren't destroyed by a consumer/worker lifestyle).

Life should be based around a loving community where people help each other out unconditionally (especially as a support system), provide a flourishing social environment based upon respect, children are taught self-reliance and self-esteem early on, and stress and dysfunction fade away. I'm hoping that by shaping a lifestyle that suits our mental programmings, avoids the burdens of financial commitment/debt (leaving every parental couple to financially fend for themselves, esp living beyond their means), that we can then live life to our potentials rather than constantly struggle. We should be able to redefine life so that we switch from a consumer mentality to that of one who lives in voluntary poverty and only wants what they genuinely need (where community, nature, successful self-emplyed businesses and self-reliant living provides PLENTY of personal happiness), minimizing the financial slavery of life.

Currently it's just me in my brainstorming stages, I'm trying to find others so we can talk about the idea and work towards something feasible. If you sound like you would be interested, or know somebody who is, please respond!

About me: I am a young 25-year old father of three (6, 4 and 2 years old). I am trying to be successful self-employed as a web developer (and could use some help!). My wife is a vegan baker/personal caterer and dreams of having an all-vegan cafe down here in South Jersey someday. We're both very much challenged, stressed and overwhelmed by raising three children, and hope to find a simplistic way of life that not only provides the support system every parent deserves, but also relieve the complexity and burden that modern living forces onto us.

 

[melissel]

I think that's an amazing idea and fantasize about living in a community like that. Unfortunately, it would not appeal to my own DH AT ALL (we've actually discussed it because I've fantasized out loud about it in the past). I wish you luck in your endeavor, though, and hope you can create such a community for real. Who knows, maybe someday I can convince my DH!

 

[tomas_maly]

What sort of thing was discussed and what was HIS argument?

It's definitely a sensitive topic, most people are afraid that if they strip their lives of the familiar that it automatically will be unsatisfying.

When people don't like to consider the idea it MIGHT have something to do with finding it silly, unnecessary, foolish, etc... I am in a different boat, however, able to tie-in all my own and family's problems into our way of life. I've been exposed enough to the value of nature and simplicity and community. That's quite uncommon for people in the working world these days.

Society isn't designed to make life work well....it's designed to turn us into apathetic consumers and workers, unable to care about anything anymore. We need to create our own social environment tailored to our needs so we can eliminate our suffering and challenges in life. However, nobody will consider it unless they see hope, that they see a better way of life out there in the unknown. If they haven't been exposed to it and haven't THOUGHT about it, then it'll be tough.

People don't consider the idea when they are too comfortable. It becomes TOO EASY to spend one's time drudging in life and then wasting it in distraction, entertainment, TV, alcohol, sex, food, other pleasures, etc... Nobody actually sees their problems and works to fix them, they just hide themselves from their problems.

I see my whole family suffer, every one of them. And what should I do? Work harder so I can neglect them even more and throw money at the problem? Sooner or later I'll end up paying for anti-depressants and large amounts of chocolate and excessive movies and video games. It never really ends the suffering, only distracts. So it hurts MORE and MORE and MORE everytime. I'm fed up and I think this all needs to stop, we need to design life so we CAN be happy and laid back and live in a setting where people can be good friends and help when we're overwhelmed.

But to make any of this genuinely successful, there is a LONG ways to go. We have to give up quite a bit of the familiar, and go into a territory most people aren't ready for, perhaps even your husband. Much of the time people aren't even on the same page such as in your situation. It's a long process where people have to experience it first hand and discuss the matter.

Perhaps I'm in a heightened awareness mode, where I see dysfunction in my household on a daily basis, having three kids under 6 and an overworked wife. I HOPE that I'm not the lucky few.

But you (and your husband) must remember that a sustainable way of life where people don't need to suffer and overwork and neglect their children is something everyone should consider, and how else can you consider it unless you both start with the same starting premise. It seems like you have a certain understanding that he doesn't. Either way, there is the starting point of pointing out life's problems. The step after that is coming up with idealistic thoughts on how to overcome them. Much of it won't seem feasible until you are ready to let go of your current way of life and become adventurous and start life from scratch.

But WHAT IF you were in an environment where you had land to roam and feel comfortable and private and the land was cheap (because it was subdivided from a larger piece). And WHAT IF your home cost just a fraction of what typical homes cost. And WHAT IF you didn't have to commute to work but worked from home (or an on-site office) self-employed. And WHAT IF you didn't have to work as hard because you found ways to cut your budget (especially your home costs and having all the needs of a community and friends all within walking distance). And WHAT IF your child had good quality friends just around the corner that promoted his potential rather than causing senseless harm or screwing him up. And WHAT IF you were able to provide an educational environment where your child learns the important things in life from morals to self-esteem to self-love to emotional maturity/intelligence all while having a flourishing social environment without all the bullshit of the public education system. And WHAT IF you got to live life more relaxed because you always had friends (you were genuinely comfortable with) within walking distance to help you get breaks when you needed it and provide the emotional support we all need. And WHAT IF you had friends to go to when you lost your wits and are about to disrespect (treat poorly) your defiant child. And WHAT IF you could get all the locally-grown organic food you needed for the entire year, all at minimal cost. The list goes on... There's quite a bit more to such an idealistic life, but it's all possible if we WANT IT to be possible. And it may seem like a lot of work, but all we need is ambition. Once things get established, everyone will fall into a certain habit where it becomes second nature. You should ask just how important it is to have all these things.

It's all a big transition, and different people will work at different paces. I realize all this and think that it would be foolish to think I could find others who want to live in bamboo huts and abandon technology altogether off-the-bat.

I'm just hoping to find some people who realize that their life is stressful, lonely, etc... and that 1) we all need to find ways to make life not so expensive so we can work less and enjoy life more, such as sharing a big chunk of land together 2) live in a friendly community within walking distance so we can easily integrate the social environment our children and us as parents NEED (especially when kids get bored and parents get stressed).

How we implement that is open for discussion and nobody has to do anything they don't agree upon. Maybe your husband is feeling like he has to abandon so much that brings value to his life? It most definitely is a long discussion and I'm sure he's feeling like you're ripping away the things that define him. Maybe he hasn't thought much about it himself and you have, so communication becomes difficult without touching sensitive areas.

I would just hate to see someone with such ambition fall short of their dreams. Good luck.