[MamaDavid]

We were at a public play area this evening when my husband noticed that another physically bigger kid had my 4 year old ds in a strangle hold from behind. My husband intervened. My son was terribly upset as it seemed to be a totally unprevoked attack. This kid really nearly strangled him!

My husband told my son that if somebody does that to him again it is the kind of situation where it is OK to strike back. I could not come up with anything better as one can not exactly negotiate when your air supply is being cut off!

Does anybody have any great creative ideas on how to handle this kind of situation?

 

[Camellia]

If a person can't breathe the person cutting off thei air is subject to whatever that person must do to begin breathing again.

In most situations I would say talking or rallying help to solve a problem is best. But, when a person can't breathe its a whole other thing all together!

As far as creative ideas...I don't know. But, it seems obvious to me that someone being strangled has a right to do whatever is needed to return airflow!

I'm sorry this happend to your DS. I would think its a good opportunity to figure out when it is ok to use force to get your needs met.

 

[ChristaN]

Could you enroll him in a martial arts class for preschoolers? I know that we have some Karate classes around here for little kids that teach them self defense, but not agressive behavior.

 

[mamaduck]

Personally, I don't believe a child that young should every be in a position of needing to 'defend himself.' Your Dh was there, he noticed, and he intervened. That is exactly what should have occurred, and what should continue to occur until he is much older.

 

[MamaDavid]

Thanks mamas. Everything does look better in the morning.

Mamaduck, yes I think there is absolutely no substitute for our vigilance. What scared me was that 2 min before that we were both 20 meters away organising take-aways and running after 18 month old dd... it happened so quickly...

As for the martial arts - dh has a lot of martial arts training himself and I did say to him he must show my son some moves on how to handle something like that - but at 4? I was thinking of introducing him to those disciplines when he was much older and showed some interest himself.

 

[DebraBaker]

A 4YO child isn't going to be able to defend himself against a larger child or adult whether or not he has taken martial arts.

I believe children have the right to defend themselves if they are being attacked. I teach them to try to use words or appeal to authority figures but if they feel the need they can defend themselves but never provoke or attack.

Julianna is five and is taking karate. Generally our club only allows children to start at age seven because they don't believe the children are physically or emotionally/spiritually able to understand what's being taught before this time. If the parents are karate-ka the age is generally lowered to six. It was a great privledge to have Sensei actually invite Julianna to start training when she turned five.

That being said she doesn't stand a chance against an older child (say, a seven or eight year old.)

Same with my 9YO son. He's a purple belt but he couldn't stand up to a muscular grown man (with the exception of the element of surprise.) My 12YO is marginal (purple belt) He couldn't protect himself against my older son (16 and a lower purple belt)

We are taught some basic self defense but the general good common sense rule is to prevent being in a bad situation.

So we get back to a four year old, they need to be in the constant protection of a parent or someone in whose care you have entrusted your son.

Debra Baker

 

[sagira]

T

It's nice to hear info about karate. Dh wants to enroll our son when he's three. He thinks it would be great for self-control and discipline.

I don't see any harm in it. But now I see that some karate courses don't allow children that young. Thanks for the insight!

MamaDavid, I'm sorry for your child! I would have felt like jumping on that kid that did that to my son! Grr!! I know, not a good example.. There I go again, like dh says, Mama Bear defending her cub

Cheers,

 

[DebraBaker]

Our dojo is a serious dojo oriented toward adults. The vast majority of karate-ka are adults or teenagers.

There is one class/week for young children (5-7yo's).

The concepts taught take a certain maturity and, I think, it takes being that age (if you study Waldorf philosophy) when a leap of maturity takes place (6-7ish but it varies with individual children and is associated with the Age of Accountibility and the changing of the teeth)

*I* have trouble understanding the more esoteric concepts like "make your power from tundin" (Chi in Chinese) and "you don't understand the meaning of your kata."

For a young (by young I mean a six or seven year old) child karate provides discipline and the power of competing against the self and the principles of the dojo kun (similar to basic codes of religions) (seek perfection of character, be faithful, endeavor, respect others, avoid violent behavior)

These things can be good for the kids but you aren't going to enjoy the benefits of self-defense until your body is big enough and your soul mature enough to have self defense a viable option.

Debra Baker