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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am having our first little boy in Jan and I don't want him to be circumcised. My dh is deployed and so we are arguing about this over IM. He has agreed to read articles that I send him. I will ultimately say no we aren't doing it and put my foot down but would like to give him the opportunity to make the correct decision himself. Especially because he feels like he of often not around to make these types of decisions.<br><br>
Anyway, I am sending him lots of articles. His internet connection isn't very good so I am not sending videos b/c they would take forever to load but I told him I would compile all of the research pro and con but I really haven't found anything pro to add. I know I may not being coming to the right place for this but even a small pro would make him at least feel like I did actually look at his side of the story too.<br><br>
I did tell him that I couldn't find any pros because there aren't any and I may have to leave it at that.
 

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Conforming to a good majority of other men? is that a pro?<br><br>
We just found out we are having a boy too, so I am jsut starting with this stuff. I got the common "everyone man in my family has been circed, so my son will too. I want him to look like me" crap line. We were at lunch though, so I allowed it to drop for now after telling him I would discuss it more once he had done some research.
 

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I honestly cant think of a single pro <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> Everything that is popping into my head like yeast infections circed men get those to and never having to worry about being forcibly retracted but then circed boys have the remnant foreskin ripped back a lot and of course it is originally ripped back to do the circ so that dosnt count.<br><br>
If you take into account the world population of men and not just the USA then he will be in the minority not the majority. Since 80% of the worlds men are intact.
 

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Circumcizing a baby boy allows the dad to not question or think about his own circumcision.<br><br>
But you may or may not want to point that out to him.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>baileysmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12386414"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am having our first little boy in Jan and I don't want him to be circumcised.<br><br>
...<br><br>
I did tell him that I couldn't find any pros because there aren't any and I may have to leave it at that.</div>
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baileysmommy congratulations on your boy and for doing such a wonderful thing for him by educating yourself on such an important issue. What a lucky boy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: I can't say that there are any pros as such perhaps a good way to go about this would be to ask him why he feels this needs to happen. Then you could research that issue for him and come back with good information that puts his concerns to rest. This way he can get educated, without a deluge of material, on the specific concerns he has and he'll feel more like he was part of the decisions. If you need help come and ask and we will provide any information you need to do it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I am not sure if that is what you're looking for but it might be a good approach.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mrsboyko</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12386442"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Conforming to a good majority of other men? is that a pro?<br><br>
We just found out we are having a boy too, so I am jsut starting with this stuff. I got the common "everyone man in my family has been circed, so my son will too. I want him to look like me" crap line. We were at lunch though, so I allowed it to drop for now after telling him I would discuss it more once he had done some research.</div>
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Of course that isn't a pro! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Same goes for you Mrsboyko, if you have specific questions please ask, we love to help. It's why we're here.
 

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Well, you don't get infections on body parts you cut off.<br><br>
But then again the same would hold true for fingers, toes, ears, etc.<br><br>
I guess to me it's the same as researching the pros of female circumcision. You won't find any legitimate research arguing in an "unbiased" way about the pros and cons of cutting off baby girl genitals at birth. Why should it be different for boys? Male and female genitals originate from the exact same fetal tissue that only differentiates in the presence of sex hormones. But we're not very different at an anatomical level, so why should girls be 100% protected by law in the US and boys be subject to parental whim for genital surgery? It's nonsense.
 

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Pleasing shallow lovers? (Visually, I mean. The sexual satisfaction part...maybe not so much.)
 

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This isn't a "pro" but maybe reading this will help him understand why leaving your son intact is important to you.<br><a href="http://noharmm.org/appeal.htm" target="_blank">http://noharmm.org/appeal.htm</a><br><br>
This link lists the pros and cons and then concludes with the truth of each pro/con. Personally, I think the site does a good job at debunking the myths of each pro argument.<br><br><a href="http://www.homiegfunk.com/RIC2.htm" target="_blank">http://www.homiegfunk.com/RIC2.htm</a><br><br>
The best advice I can personally give is to just explain why leaving the babe intact is so important. Remind your dh that if the baby ever needs a circ or if he ever wants one for cosmetic reasons it can always be done later. But if you circ him and it causes him pain/difficulty/death or even if your son wishes he had a foreskin, there is no way to undo the circ. It's best to leave well enough alone and your son can decide to have the circ if he wants one later (chances are quite high that he will not - apparently men really like their foreskin and think it feels really good! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> ).<br><br>
Best of luck to you.<br><br>
Oh...can he watch real dvd's? If he has the time/ability, maybe you could purchase or rent the Penn and Teller BS/Circ video. That video appeals to a lot of men.
 

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No pros to add, but my son was born while dh was deployed. Before deployment, I'd "agreed" with dh that ds--if a boy--would be circ'd. Although, TBH, I had not made up my mind. It seemed six of one, half-dozen of the other. Any conversation was shut down--he is going to be circ'd. When he was born, dh was not there (I'm not unconvinced that had he been there, he would have signed the consent forms himself.) and I decided to delay circumcision until breastfeeding was well-established. Then I was still unsure, and so kept delaying making up my mind until it was "too late"--in other words, too late to do it without anesthesia and they were not going to put him under just for that. We never really discussed it; it just became an "it just is" thing and a nonissue. (And, after 5 years, I don't see it being done.)<br><br>
That said, I'm also military (in the Army), and one thing that can be said about military psychology is that following the crowd/orders is highly prized and thinking independently is generally frowned upon--especially if you are not "high enough" in the pecking order. A saying we have "do what your rank can handle".
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies. I have forwared him the articles. I hope he will read with an open mind because I feel he has already made up his mind. I didn't realize until we got to talk again today how emotional he is about it. I know it is causing him lots of anxiety. All about his son not looking like him. I guess I don't understand this because I don't have a penis.<br><br>
He tried to make me feel guilty by saying well I am not going to be there anyway. I always miss everything in our children's lives. Didn't work though, I just reminded him that we made the decision to stay in the army together and knew good and well what we were getting into. We knew about this deployment before we decided to go ahead and get pregnant with our third child.
 

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If having his son look like him is that important, he can always restore his own.
 

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Purposely amputating a child's body part and violating his human rights <span style="text-decoration:underline;"><i>isn't</i></span> a plus to miss out on!<br><br>
Glad (sooooo glad!) you didn't let <b>his</b> insecurities get the best of YOUR SON.<br><br><b>You're awesome!!!!</b> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mrsboyko</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12386442"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Conforming to a good majority of other men? is that a pro?</div>
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There's not even a "good majority" in your son's generation. A bare majority is more like it.
 

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Does he remember ever comparing his penis to his fathers??? Does he remember even seeing his father's penis?<br><br>
A boy's penis and a man's penis are so different anyway that "having them look alike" just won't happen even if both are circ'd.<br><br>
Our son is 4 yo. He sees his dad when he is getting dressed and he has never once noticed a difference. He's never asked about why he has his foreskin and his dad doesn't.<br><br>
Just more questions to ask him that might help him realize it isn't a valid reason for circ'ing.<br><br>
I remember before our son was born I asked DH to do research for us (I did mine, too). He knew from looking into it that he wouldn't put our son through it. I was probably more conflicted but knew in the end that we wouldn't circ. It didn't take long after bringing our baby home from the hospital to know we had made the right decision. It just was so natural and easy to care for (my mom, who raised two daughters, said he was easier to change than girls).<br><br>
The other reason we decided against it was we felt it wasn't our decision to make. It is his body and if he wants it done he can make that decision as a man.<br><br>
Your DH will come around. Sounds like you are doing a great job of countering his arguments without insulting his logic. Keep it rational and you'll eventually convince him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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You have some great advice already...just had to comment on the "look like me" argument I hear SO often...<br><br>
and I don't mean this at all towards the OP...it's just the generic "you" I'm using, as an argument to the broader public who likes this particular pro-circ argument.<br><br>
If dad is missing a finger, will you amputate the baby's? Because you know, baby will see the finger and know he doesn't look like daddy a lot more often than he'll be seeing his penis. If dad has a tattoo, does baby get one right away? Again, you'll see it more than the penis.<br><br>
My baby girls probably should have had hair implants at birth, since their yonis don't look like mine! Oh, and I should give them breast implants too, right?<br><br>
Bald heads? Hair color? Eye color? Moles? Birth marks? All features much more obvious than a penis that kids could conceivably compare...and yet we don't encourage cosmetic surgery so they "look like dad" for any of those features...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Just one of my least favorite arguments out there. Again, no offense or anything personal meant towards OP or her dh...just in general, these are the first things that pop into my head about the "look like" argument. Maybe approaching the dh with a similar argument would help him see why it doesn't make sense?
 

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Send him the Genital Integrity Statement by Doctors Opposing Circumcision:<br><br><a href="http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/" target="_blank">http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/</a><br><br>
The site appears to be down at the moment, but I am sure it will be back up again. If you can't wait, I have downloaded it and could send it to you.<br><br>
I suggest it because it is very balanced and includes extensive references. It is as close to a pro as I think you can get. Plus it lays out the moral, legal, and medical guideline issues well.<br><br>
Regards
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thank you everyone.<br><br>
I just wanted to update you on how talking with my husband went. I sent him a bunch of articles. Mainly the ones that I felt were most important to me and things that answered questions he had asked me. He read what I provided and did some of his own reading. Sounded like most of the reading he did on his own was about how intact men satisfy women better. I found it interesting that the seemed to be the biggest issue for him. Honestly for me, a partners sexual satisfaction has little to do with my decision in what is best for my little boy. Anyway, with the research I gave him and that he decided that he was fine with us not circumcising. I am very proud of him. I know it was not an easy decision for him to make.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
Great news!
 

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Yay! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">
 
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