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Maybe "easily offended" is more accurate!

My whole life, people told me I was too sensitive-- inc. DH. Now I have realized (and so has he, via joint counseling) that he is ALSO very sensitive. It makes for a tense marriage, to say the least.

Someone posted on a thread recently something to the effect of "If you choose to be offended, you are choosing to be a victim." I LOVE this. It is so true . . .and it is making me learn to NOT be offended because why would I choose victimhood (is that a word?).

This morning I was saying that I was really tired (DD2 sleeps very, very little). DH told me to look at our older DD as the "light at the end of the tunnel." I said, "I know . . .I'm not complaining . .. .she's just a newborn, but I'm just tired." DH GOT OFFENDED! When he gets that way, he becomes sullen will barely talk, etc . . .for the rest of the day. He said that I was mad (???) I said I wasn't. And I really wasn't . . . why would I be?

Isn't that just ridiculous, how we are spending our lives? People are struggling with poverty, hunger, wars . . .and THIS is what we choose to get upset about??? I feel like I'm on the path to getting over this sensitivity thing, but how do I deal with DH's sullen moods in the meantime? I can never predict what will offend him (and he couldn't predict this with me either, to be fair).

Oh, and he's only like this with me. His family can say some pretty rude things to him (I've heard racist remarks . . .he's adopted) and he will NOT be offended in the least.
 

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thanks, elena. your post was a big "aha" moment for me, because I'm the one who's usually offended
:

"People are struggling with poverty, hunger, wars . . .and THIS is what we choose to get upset about???"

You are *so* right. Thanks.

Does anyone remember the Bloom County cartoon about being offended?

"You've offended me!" "No, you've offended me!" - and the whole cartoon goes nuts with people telling each other that they're offended and that their being offended is offensive. Then Opus the penguin comes in, looks and turns to the reader, proclaiming: "Offensensitivity." How true.
 

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Would your dh agree to go for therapy? I have spent years being insecure, and highly sensitive... it's an insecurity thing. I mean if you are not telling each other horrible things, or being rude, simply discussing things, then being easily offended just completely stops the dialogue right?

My dh is often like this and after getting to know his mother over the last 8 years, I have realized that what triggers him is when I am blunt. His mother is very opinionated and I'm certain she put him down a lot as a child. There are triggers, if you watch your dh you will see there are certain triggers.

For my dh, there are certain things that I say that really offend him, like for example, if he says "maybe we should do this today" or something and I reply "why do you want to do that?", I don't feel I'm saying it in a bad way, but he gets really offended, as if I'm implying he's stupid for wanting to do whatever it is.

I am trying to get him to go for therapy because he also gets really angry with himself when he tries to do something and it doesn't work. Again I think he was put down alot by his parents.

Look at his relationship between he and his mom and you might find some answers.
 
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