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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dd (age 3 months) totally freaks out when I'm not around. I just recently started teaching piano one day a week. I'm only gone for 2 1/2 hours and dh is able to stay home with her for that time. The problem is, she screams for him! I feel so bad, I know I shouldn't be leaving her, but I need to start working again. He succesfully gave her ebm, but when she wasn't sleeping or eating, she was screaming (this has happened 3-4 times before)
Starting in September, I'm going to be leaving her with Grandma 2 half days and dh one half day. Any suggestions for making it easier on her? I feel terrible that she cries the whole time (screams, actually)
:
 

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It was the SAME for us, so I know how hard it is


I posted the same question, actually, and got some good suggestions, although nothing really worked very well for us. One suggested that did help a bit was to have your dh (or grandma) take her outside-sometimes the sites and sounds distract them enough for them to "forget" that you're gone for a while. Also, if you can, try to leave around naptime so that the person watching gets a least a few quiet minutes.

Hang in there. This too will pass.
 

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ds went through this stage around that age when he didn't want to be held by anyone else and would get in what appeared to be a complete panic if he was more than a foot from dw's or my face. Then suddenly a month or two later, it went away, and he didn't start getting separation anxiety again until around a year.
 

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My DD#2 did this for the first 6 months of her life, so I sympathize with you!!!
Honestly, she just started getting better around 6-7 months old, then had no probs being away from me, but it was sooo hard, especially for DH.
 

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Elaina has been going through this for about 5 weeks now. She freaks out if anyone other than me holds her. It's especially hard on my dh, who really just wants to bond with his daughter after work but all she'll do is scream


I am hoping that this will soon pass. I'm sorry, I have no answers (I wish i did), only sympathy.
 

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I am going through the same thing at 5 months. I want to go to a concert this coming week and I can't b.c no one wants to watch thescreamingbaby, who is just as sweet and content as can be if she is in her mama's arms, but can not tolerate any time away. We keep trying...
Oh and she refuses the bottle.
 

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I know this may not be an option for you but when I tried to go back to work my dd did this too so I quit my job. She was just so sad. dh said she looked like she went into shock a few times and even he said I should quit-it was scary to see her like that. I was only working 2 hour shifts (my boss was great about letting me ease my way back into part time) but I never got passed the 3rd shift. I am content to stay home until she is bigger (2-3 years old). anyway good luck,no advice just btdt.
 

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Just wanted to add an additional
. We went through this with dd when she was around that age. Very challenging. And the comments from some insensitive people do not help! I got a ton of crap from presumably well-meaning but totally idiotic friends. My favorite piece of total BS was "she'll never learn to be independent if you don't start leaving her more!" (Um, hello, she is 4 months old--she is not independent, she's a freaking baby!) It was very hard to resist all this criticism & accusations that I was making a huge mistake by being so AP--but I am so glad I stuck to what I believed was right. Honestly, I believe now that she is one of the most well adjusted toddlers I know.

She gradually mellowed out and now (14 months) is *super* in love with her dada (about 3-4 times a day she picks up the phone and hands it to me and shouts DADA!! so I will call him and she can talk to him at work
.) And I am now able to leave her with dh or other folks when I need to go somewhere--of course she still cries when I leave, but only for a minute or so and then she is fine. For what it's worth, it seems to me that things started to get noticeably easier around 6 months and then gradually improved and by 1 year were really good.

If it helps, her intense attachment to you is a very good sign! Nothing is better for babies developmentally than a really solid attachment to their caregiver and she is showing her awareness and good communication skills that she is able to tell dh how she feels!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
dh tried turning on the shower, going outside, singing, bouncing.... what finally got her calm was doing huge leg squats and singing
. His legs are sore today.
I just feel like I shouldn't leave her, but I pretty much have to. I know it's a good thing that she's so attached to me, but am I traumatizing her by leaving her to cry with someone else? (By the way, she cries HARD)

I also notice she's in a bad mood when I get back. Yesterday, I put her in the sling and just let her hang out all snuggled up against me for an hour or two while I did chores. (I unfortunately don't do this all the time because it kills my back- can't wait for her to grow into the ergo!) I thought she was asleep in the sling, because she was way in there and not moving at all, but when I finally looked at her, she was wide awake! I think this was good for her to know she is safe and that I am here.
 

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Dd started this at 3 months. I couldn't take a shower without screaming. It happened more in the evening when she was tired, I noticed. She went through phases of ONLY wanting to be held by me. It made poor dad feel really bad. But it only lasted a couple of months, and it's gotten better. She smiles at anyone all the time now, and she tolerates being held by others, though I"m still nervous that she'll cry in someone else's arms (not dad anymore, she doesn't mind him at all.
) But lately, she hasn't even cried in other's arms, unless she's tired. She's 6 mo now. I expect we'll go through another phase of separation anxiety at any time. Hang in there, it DOES get better again!
 

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Does dh wear her in the sling? If not, that is something you might try. I also had awful back problems when dd was that age, and so anytime dh was home he had to do the babywearing (we used a Moby wrap). I think it really helped their bonding.
 
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