Separating twins?

809 Views 17 Replies 15 Participants Last post by emblmrgrl, Apr 9, 2006

ZenMamaJen

Discussion Starter · Apr 1, 2006

This is just a curiosity post.

I wanted to see what other mamas here at MDC thought about this.

My nieces will be starting kindergarten this fall. They are fraternal twins. The public school system they live in has a policy of separating twins starting in kindergarten. And the school they would be attending has 9 kindergarten classes, which sounds huge to me. MY SIL wants to send them to Catholic school so that they won't be separated. Apparently, they are very dependent on each other, according to my mother. My brother thinks they would just be going to Catholic school for one year and then go to the public school.

I guess I just think that if they are going to end up there anyway, maybe sending them to PS from the beginning is the best idea. And maybe it would be good to separate them?

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Gitti

· #2 · Apr 2, 2006

I would vote for NOT separating them. What the heck for? Let them do what comes natural to them. We really don't know what psychological affects it will have on them. NO, do not separate them ever. IMO

flminivanmama

· #3 · Apr 2, 2006

we did not seperate my twins b/c one of them would not have been able to handle it. the principal was wonderful, gave us every option - keep them together, seperate them but have them in adjoining rooms or seperate them completely.

Next year (1st grade) we are going to seperate them and see how it goes. she also told us we can put them back together if we need to.

Itlbokay

· #4 · Apr 2, 2006

I don't think schools should seperate twins as a rule. All of the children I know that are twins, and in PS, have been kept together by the parents request.

If really important, I suggest a meeting with the Principal to discuss this, if that doesn't work, then a meeting with the Superintendent. I would let all in attendance at these meetings know that this is something I need to see happen in order for my children to attend PS.

Usually when a parent/guardian has a serious concern like this schools will work with you, and if they don't? Well, then the parent has to decide if this is the right school for their children.

Callimom

· #5 · Apr 2, 2006

I homeschool but if my kids had to go to school I would NOT allow the school to dictate to me what would be best for my twins in this situation. How the heck do they know what is right for every set of twins? Our national organization (Multiple Births Canada) has an information sheet about school situations and there recommendation is that the parents should decide. Parents of multiples I have talked to generally prefer to have the twins together in the early years especially K and then decide on a year by year, case by case basis what is right for their families.

Ugg - I hate stupid school policies....one of the many reasons I'm glad we homeschool

Karen

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sahli29

· #6 · Apr 2, 2006

I would say public school and definitely NO SEPERATION of the twins. As a parent who PAYS toward the running of the school I would deman it. If they refuse then my kids(and the money that comes with them) would go somewhere else. I do understand they want to break that bond between twins thinking that that is beneficial.I think it is unfair.

Kids create bonds with other kids/adults to help them deal with school.It seems cruel to break a bond already solidified. They may think the kids will act better being apart.That is often cited when parents take the kids to the dentist,and the dentist refuses to allow the parents back.Sometimes the kids DO act better.

If the parents want to seperate them,fine.If they do not then it should not be forced. Unfortunately schools(like dentists) have policies they want parents/kids to follow,and it is unlikely they will want to allow an exception to the *rule*.

ZenMamaJen

Discussion Starter · #7 · Apr 2, 2006

Thanks for your thoughts!

I don't think SIL has tried talking to the school district...maybe I'll suggest that. Maybe she can demand that they not be separated? It seems weird to have that as policy, without any input from parents, yk?

royaloakmi

· #8 · Apr 2, 2006

I have b/g twins and my dh and I are not planning to separate them until they express an interest in it. I think kindergarten is way too early.

If our school system had such a policy, I would arm myself with research and do battle over it. We are essentially paying customers in our public schools - and the squeaky wheel gets the grease, KWIM?

cocoabean8

· #9 · Apr 2, 2006

The school I teach in "says" they have a policy of separating twins, but if a parent asks to keep them together, they will. Sometimes the Kindergarten teachers suggest separation to the parents for various reasons, but the parents always get the last say.

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GotKids?

· #10 · Apr 6, 2006

We generally separate twins at our school, but i dont' think it's a policy. I would have her talk to the principal and tell her the concerns she has. More than likely they'll understand and keep the kids together.

trini

· #11 · Apr 6, 2006

I teach K and at my school it's up to the parents. We have 3 sets of twins in K this year. Two are together and one is separated. In all cases I think the parents made the best decisions. The first set of twins I taught are now in 3rd grade and still together. It really depends on the children and it should be a family decision, not one made by the school, IMO.

ImoKit

· #12 · Apr 7, 2006

Why would a ps have a policy of seperating twins? I'd have thought that common sense dictates that unless the twins hate each other, starting school will be easier for them together as they'd have someone they know. Seperating later, when school is serious can make sense ie if one does the hwk and the copies, it would be acedemically benificial to seperate and hopefully they'd have other friends then. But isnt kindergarten all about getting kids to adjust to school? and won't kids be less scared if there's someone they know and trust around?

ZenMamaJen

Discussion Starter · #13 · Apr 8, 2006

I just thought I'd share with you that my SIL has apparently discussed not separating them with the school district and they refused! THEY said it's better for them to be separated...crazy.

Callimom

· #14 · Apr 8, 2006

That's insane. The school doesn't even know these kids yet, how can they possibly over-ride a K parents request like this on an issue they cleary know nothing about. So much for public education serving the needs of the child. I'd be livid if I were her. I hope she tells them to blow it out their hat and finds a more open, reasonable, respectful and child friendly place for her children.

Alkenny

· #15 · Apr 8, 2006

I think it's crazy that the school has a policy without even knowing the girls. My cousin has b/g twins and they seperated them, but it was a mutual decision and has been a GOOD thing for their son (he was dominated by his sister). But as a rule, there should BE NO RULE.

Katana

· #16 · Apr 9, 2006

I think it depends on the situation. I don't think there should be a hard and fast rule that says you must be seperated, or you must be together.

I'm a twin (identical) and they always seperated us because teachers said they wouldn't be able to tell us apart. I think that was a cop out because if the kids in the class could know, why couldn't the teachers?

On the positive side, being seperated helped people view us as individuals rather than one unit. We were very different in our likes and dislikes, and also in what we enjoyed, in school. It was nice to have the chance to express ourselves without being it being assumed that we would say or like the same things, just because we were twins.

Also, we were able to reach out to other people and have other friends besides ourselves. I can tell you, if we had always been together, we wouldn't have tried to include anyone else, because we really only did need each other.

On the negative side, it was hard to be apart, we were very close. I missed her, and couldn't wait till lunch or recess to be able to tell her things.

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phathui5

· #17 · Apr 9, 2006

I would go with keeping them together, especially in the early grades.

emblmrgrl

· #18 · Apr 9, 2006

Just now seeing this thread ... my fraternal boys are in Kinder this year and I did separate them. The school here likes to do that but will keep them together if you request it, however. I separated my boys because one is very dominant. He has had more trouble this year, but his brother is flourishing! It's truly amazing how his personality has come out. So my thoughts are that it should be done on a case by case basis. I consulted with other twin moms in my area. One of them has identicals that are still together in the 5th grade and they are fine. I knew my boys needed something different though.

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