September (and soon to be October too) Mamas...

i'm such a dork. i always ask 'should i start a new thread?' and then go ahead and do it anyway. why do i ask??? i'm a dork.

lisa (and everyone else for that matter) - i used to think that things like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering, etc. were SO important. the more i learn about attachment parenting and about parenting in general, the more i believe that these things are an extension of, not the core of, loving, attached parenting. they ARE important things, don't get me wrong, and things i very strongly believe in, by they are not THE most important thing. the biggest lesson in this was taught to me by a friend who doesn't even have children yet. she and her husband tried to get pregnant over the course of the last year. she confided in me that she already felt guilty that she might not be able to breastfeed...and felt judged by myself, another good friend, and her sister (the four of us are all very close, and the latter three are all very pro-breastfeeding, nursing our children to at least 18 months of age...and all were still nursing at the time). my dear friend knew something i didn't yet. she had rheumatoid arthritis...something that was diagnosed around the same time they started trying to get pregnant. she was already delaying her treatment in order to get pregnant...and the drugs she needed to be on long term, the drugs that could keep her body from being seriously effected by the illness, were also drugs she could not take while pregnant or breastfeeding. she cwas already on one drug that would slow the illness, but it was a temporary fix and might leave her body impaired permanently. well, they never did get pregnant...and instead of moving on to more fertility treatments, she decided it was important to start her RA treatments and look into adoption. the choice she made was not a selfish one - it was driven by a desire to be as present as possible for her children, no matter how they came into her life. she chose, above even biology itself, to be as able, fit, and present a mother as possible - something even biological parents fail to do. she could have delayed her treatment longer, gotten pregnant, even delayed treatment to nurse for 12 months, but may have ended up with damage to her joints that would have kept her from being the kind of active and engaged mother she wanted to be for her children. anyway, my point - your love, commitment, and presense are the most important things. whether you nurse, cloth diaper, or any thing else. breastfeeding is wonderful, and there is no doubt that it is the best thing...but remember its not the ONLY thing, and your effort and commitment alone speak to how wonderful a mother you are. breastmilk doesn't make you a wonderful mother - your love does, and that is apparent.

mamarsupial, I am almost crying, that was such a beautiful post... really *said* something to me... I'm having such a hard time with things because I've lost/am loosing two "AP" things... my homebirth and now feeding my ds this *shock gasp boo hiss* formula instead of feeding him pure breastmilk! Yeah yeah, both things were/are neccisary. Yes yes, I'm doing the best I can for my child, and being a real trooper with this *&%$ SNS, but I still FEEL like I'm slipping.

And I feel like if I give up this breastfeeding fight, or choose to give up at some point if things don't work out (honestly I admire moms who use these SNS's long term, but I can't use this thing for months upons months. It'll drive me batty) then I'm going to feel like I have to explain myself to EVERYONE. That I'll have to prove I still belong in this AP community. That I'll be scrutinized, and questioned. Yes I KNOW that isn't going to happen (ok well at least not to the level I'm imagining...) and I'm not ready yet to throw in the towel, but it REALLY means a lot to me to hear someone say "Hey its OK if you can't breastfeed, that's not the key defining point of AP'ing"

So thank you.

lisa - i'm glad this resonated with you. one of the other moms i co-lead our local chapter of api with wasn't able to breastfeed, and she is one of the most responsive, attached mamas i know. if anything, she and her partner made an extra effort to make feedings a special time (versus someone like me, who has the babe in the sling and pops a boob in her mouth without thinking sometimes. nursing IS a special time, of course, but...i think you get my point). anyway, people MAY question you...but don't they always? i remember feeling like i was no longer AP after dd1 slef-weaned, moved to her own bed (for at least part of the night), and was less and less interested in going in the sling (and i didn't pusg it since she was 30+ lbs at 2 years). i had to listen to what dd wanted...even if it meant i didn't get to tandem nurse (which i'd looked forward to). it also meant that i had to reallu look beyond these things to figure out what AP really meant to our family. AP is not a contest...its not a martha stewart 'to do' list. just like using organic hemp diapers doesn't make you a good mama, having a complete 'martha of AP' checklist doesn't make you a good mama if you aren't in tune with what you unique child needs....and what you need, in balance of course. listen to your child, your own instinct, and ignore all the self-proclaimed 'experts' and you can't do wrong by your own child or yourself. okay, i'm i soapboxy today or what???

Lisa, the fact that at this age you can get your little guy to latch by yourself is a huge thing. When ds was the age of our new dd (and your new ds) I couldn't get bfing to work, I'd have to take off both my top and bra, set up about 3 pillows and get dh's help, forget laying down, nursing anywhere but home, dh couldn't go to work, it was a nightmare. It does get better, take it one feeding at a time, I couldn't even handle "one more day" but I could handle "one more feeding" before I knew it things got better, by 14 weeks dh told me that ds and I could join the nursing olymipics, we were so good.

DD is still fussy every night, I'm working on eliminating dairy, but I love dairy so it's going to be hard. I'm also gettting more comfortable with co-sleeping but maybe that is because I'm so tired I don't care that my body is horribly contorted.

Ds is 2.5 years old and getting much better with his whining, he's never been intrested in dd, but has been even more clinging than normal. Hopfully this will pass soon.

Hi all,
Lisa, just wanted to say if your baby is latching you are ahead of the game. I worked with one mom whose baby didn't latch at all for the first 2 1/2 weeks. I mean not once! She finger fed and cup fed and pumped and basically did nothing else. She was absolutely exhausted but the baby did eventually get the hang of it and she went on to breastfeed for a year.
I also want to second mamasupials thread. Every baby and every mom is different. I think the key is to find out what works for you and your baby. I worked with one mom who had four children. She had told her Dr., midwives friends, I guess everyone except her husband that she was breastfeeding. With her fourth she confessed to me that she had not been able to breastfeed any of her babies and felt so guilty that she lied about it. She felt so much societal pressure that she was ashamed that she was not breastfeeding. I think being pressured to breastfeed is not that different than being pressured to bottle feed. New mamas's need support to follow their own instincts.
Hang in there Lisa, you may be able to turn this around and it will be so worth it but trust your gut above all. Only you know what is best for you and your baby.
Ruth

Hi there... thought I'd write and say good morning and whine about this week. LOL! Micah has been sleeping like a DREAM at night... even slept 6 hours straight one night. During the day... a whole other story! He doesn't want me to put him down for a moment. If I do, I have to put his chair next to me so he can see me and give it a little rock when he starts fussing. I feel like I'm nursing ALL day long. Is anyone else nursing pretty much every hour? (At least we aren't having any latching on problems...) Maybe this is an indication that he's going through a growth spurt? I noticed his newborn sleepers are pretty tight all of a sudden and I have to take a trip into town (we live on a rather remote island on the gulf coast) to get some bigger clothes. I found a GREAT baby consignment store that has pretty decent prices, so I thought I'd check them out. That's where I got my diaper genie, and baby tub, and a few outfits.

Another little problem we've been having is our ground water ran dry, due to a VERY dry summer here, and our well isn't producing water anymore, so I have a newborn baby (we all know how messy they are!) and I can't do laundry!!! ARG!!! Fortunately we have neighbors who still have water, and they offered to let me run up there on Friday...

Some good news though, I get to move back to Georgia and back to my husband, who hasn't even met his son yet (he's already 4 weeks old yesterday!) in a month. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. We're just waiting for Micah's birth certificate to come, and then it's a trip to the US consulate to get his citizenship card (keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be a problem) and we're going home for Thanksgiving!!! I haven't seen my husband since March 19th, and it's AGONIZING being away from him with a newborn baby... Thank goodness I'm at my dad's, and have lots of support here. My step-mom has been an absolute godsend, and I don't know how I would have coped without her. These first few weeks I've been able to just relax and focus on Micah, and so far, so good.

Does anyone else's baby get especially fussy when you've been out and about doing stuff, especially when you're around a fair number of people, like church or the grocery store? I've noticed that when I take Micah out for more than an hour or so, he gets really upset, and wants to nurse and nurse and nurse non-stop for a few days afterwards... I've been consciously staying home for about a week and a half now, and hoping that he'll settle down again into his 3-4 hour nursing schedule that he was on.

Anyways, just wanted to share what's going on, and get on the new posting...

Aislinn is still sleeping extremely well at night (still in shock about it - I keep 'touching wood' - well knocking/holding on to wood!)... but she is alert for much longer periods in the day. She seems to have a period in the late evening (anytime from 6:00 - 8:00 pm) where she is succeptible to being fussy. She is not fussy every night, but we need to really watch she doesn't get overstimuated. The past few nights have been great because we have started an evening routine. Around 6 I change her diaper and then swaddle her. I hold her while we eat dinner and then she joins Dh and ds in the tub at 7:00. When I take her out of the washroom, I dress her, swaddle her and then nurse her with dim lights. I know - some people hate routines, but it seems to be keeping her calm.

Has anyone read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" (Karp) - I think it has some really good ideas - I don't agree with everything he says, but I think that using some of his ideas (like swaddling and white noise) has helped us. Aislinn doesn't have 'colic', but she definately has had a few 'colic-like' episodes...

Emma

Wow April....I can't believe you haven't seen your dh since march...how sad. I don't know how you have done it. I take it he is in the military? or is it just work? Glad you can live with family..that can help tremendously.

Josie is pretty fussy during the day too if I am not holding her..unless she is asleep....I have to watch how much she gets stimulated too. She will be 4 wks on Fri. I can't believe it...wow where has the time gone.
I hope your papers go smoothly. We are still waiting on Josie's ss card ...don't know how long it will take....grr....We haven't gotten the birth certificate either.

oh yes...we nurse just about every hour too at least it seems that way..in all honesty most of the time it is probably every 2 - 2.5 hrs...just depends..she chronically falls asleep while eating.

i feel like i'm nursing all the time, too. i am almost never wearing a shirt now, unless we're out. it's easier to nurse without one on, and it seems like whenever i put one on, she senses it or something and starts crying and wants to nurse again. i am also just wearing underwear to bed since i am too tired at night to take off or unbutton anything. my breasts leak a lot at night (right through bras and pads) so now i sleep on towels and wrap my chest in receiving blankets. does that get better?

i am so used to changing her diaper once, even twice a feeding that it seems weird that in a few weeks she won't be pooping as often. this newborn period is almost over! three weeks ago today i was crying on the computer because my parents were coming, my cats were fighting, our fridge was leaking and i felt like i was never going into labor. then that night it happened. things change so fast.