[StephandOwen]

This really irks me. I am fighting the urge to say something to ex about it, but for the sake of peace I'll just come here and vent

DS and I are driving to Michigan again this weekend (this one was unplanned until about a week ago when we found out dp is going to Europe for a couple weeks so I decided to head out of town with ds). I was nice enough to tell ex about this visit, even though it wasn't one of the scheduled ones. So.... I get a text from him about an hour ago telling me that he "took the whole day off" on Sunday to spend with Owen. He then proceeds to say he wants to see him at 2pm. Okaaay... logic would say if you haven't seen your "son" in 2 months and you have the chance to spend a day with him, you would do it BEFORE 2pm.... but whatever. That's par for the course with him. He only sees him between 1 1/2-2 1/2 hours per visit, usually 1 visit every 2ish months.

What *really* gets to me is he then proceeds to write that he and his wife and baby just moved to another town about 35 minutes away from where he knows we'll be staying and where we've been meeting previously AND HE WANTS ME TO BRING DS THERE (in a public spot... he's not stupid enough to suggest his new pad). Ummmm.... are you a freaking idiot? We JUST drove for 6-7 hours. The next day we'll be driving another 6-7 hours back home. You can't drive for 30 minutes to meet him? You're going to make a 5 year old CHILD sit in the car for another 30 minutes each way just to see you for 2 hours? How selfish can he be??

 

[Oh the Irony]

Amazingly selfish. Why does it still surprise you?

Is there a way for you to detach more?

eta: What I am thinking is that this man doesn't deserve your emotional energy--in effect, you revolve around him because his actions regularly cause you emotional discomfort. He's so not worth it. Just some thoughts as an observer. Or maybe I'm just projecting here.

 

[sunflowers]

You're not agreeing to it, are you?

I'd let him know that you'll be hanging out at the local park (there must be one there, right?) between 2 and 4pm. He's welcome to drop by.

 

[momof4peppers]

Given that his wife just had a baby, I'd be tempted to suck it up just this one time (and make sure I'd note it in my records!). Because what're the odds that you plan to meet at a park, you drive the 35 minutes, hang out at the park HE SUGGESTED, then in true M fashion, not show? "something came up" "the baby got sick" "I got called into work". OOHHH I could have fun imagining the excuses he'll give you!

If you're afraid this is what he'll pull, then I second Sunflowers' suggestion.

But yeah, wicked selfish on his part!

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oh the Irony Amazingly selfish. Why does it still surprise you? Is there a way for you to detach more? eta: What I am thinking is that this man doesn't deserve your emotional energy--in effect, you revolve around him because his actions regularly cause you emotional discomfort. He's so not worth it. Just some thoughts as an observer. Or maybe I'm just projecting here.

LOL.... at this point in the game- I consider it comical. It pisses me off for a short time, I vent, and then I get over it. I have reigned (is that how it's spelled??) it in a lot over the past couple years. When we first moved to Kentucky I gave him the ENTIRE time we were in Michigan (usually all day Friday, all day Saturday and Sunday morning) as an option to see Owen. I wouldn't plan anything else for that time just on the off chance he would call me that morning/afternoon and say he wants to see ds. It stressed me out beyond belief. Now I pick a day and give that to him as an option AND he has to contact me AT LEAST 3 days before that day to let me know a time/place. So this time we'll be in Michigan all day Saturday, all day Sunday and Monday morning. I only gave him Sunday (which, after I gave that to him as an option I realized it is actually ex's birthday) as an option and I planned stuff with my family on the other days.

That was a long way to say- I agree with you. I'm getting better

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflowers You're not agreeing to it, are you? I'd let him know that you'll be hanging out at the local park (there must be one there, right?) between 2 and 4pm. He's welcome to drop by.

Yes, actually, I am agreeing to it. 2 reasons for that- If he decides to get a bug up his butt and take me to court for more visitation (unsupervised or "standard" or whatever) he will look like an absolute a$$ once I show the Judge ALL my records (remember- I've been keeping records of every visit, every phone call, every text, etc) for almost 6 years), which prove that he has NO interest in ds. He has NO interest in making an effort to see ds. That *I* am the one who is making all the efforts to set up visits as often as possible. That *I* am the one who drives 6-7 hours each way to get ds to him and then, on top of that, I will drive an additional 30 minutes each way to the visit meeting spot that ex picks. The second reason for that is that dp has been coming to all the visits with us. Dp and I feel more comfortable with that, considering some of ex's shady behavior in the past. However, dp will be out of the country for this and the next visit with ex. He would really like it if I didn't stir the water and piss off ex at a time where he's nowhere near, should ex try to start trouble. I will be having my dad accompany us to the visit, however, should ex try anything stupid.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by momof4peppers OOHHH I could have fun imagining the excuses he'll give you!

LOL. Shockingly, since his wife came into the picture at the end of last year, he's actually been showing up for most of the visits. Not all, but most. They're still over in record time (I think the longest he's seen Owen at one time is 2 1/2 hours

), but he usually shows up (with his wife and sometimes his sister and/or his mom). He ends the visit as soon as he can find an "out". Sometimes it's as easy as Owen mentioning he's hungry. I'll go to reach into my purse to get a snack (because we all know ex isn't going to bring a snack for ds) and before I can complete that action, ex is ending the visit because "Owen is hungry so you'd better take him to go eat". Once he said he needed to go to walmart so he ended the visit... 1 hour after it started

Like I said- it's humorous if you can get past the emotional stuff!