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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everyone,<br>
So I am new to this forum as I am just starting the divorce process with my husband (his decision) and was wondering if you all could make some suggestions. We are at the stage of splitting up stuff which isnt a problem so far, and saying what we want and how, like insurance (him) , custody (me), etc.<br>
I am sure my lawyer will help guide me but what issues did you find helpful to include in the settlement or what do you wish you had agreed upon?? I am insisting on certain holidays, splitting of future expenses (school, uniforms, etc) etc, but is there other things I should be thinking about? Any info, suggestions or support would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!!!!!<br>
LA<br>
oh yes, our kids are 2 years and 3 months-thanks!
 

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Hmmm.... for me and ex the Judge actually ordered it in our agreement that neither parent can have overnight guests of the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing) while the kiddos are with you. Obviously if you get remarried you can live with your husband. Also neither can take DS out of the state- for any reason, no matter how long- without letting the other know. I don't really care about the first one, because I'm nowhere near that point anyway. I have mixed feelings about the second one. On the one hand I'm comforted in knowing ex can't take DS out of the state, not that he would. But on the other hand I have to ask ex everytime I want to take DS to the zoo <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
"I am insisting on certain holidays"<br><br>
Can I ask what you mean by this? Do you mean that you're insisting you get them, say, every Christmas? Or Thanksgiving, or whatever? Might I suggest that if that is what you're saying you might want to consider alternatives. I'm just afraid your STBX could get irked at this and things could get nasty on the custody/visitation. I believe in MI the normal division of holidays is one year one parent gets Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve-Christmas morning. The other parent gets another Holiday (Easter, maybe??) and Christmas Day/Night. The next year they switch. Maybe you could consider something like this (I know, I know... you can't imagine not seeing your babies on a holiday.... I totally know where you're coming from). My ex and I do something totally different where we both see DS on holidays. Since ex only gets DS for 3 hours at a time (his doing) then he'll get DS for probably Thanksgiving morning and return him to me around lunchtime. Same sort of situation for Chrstmas and Easter.<br><br>
Anyway, just a few random thoughts...
 

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I agree with Steph that holidays are typically shared. We alternate holidays but the only thing that is "for sure" is that I get every Mother's Day and my birthday and he gets every Father's Day and his birthday. Unless your ex agrees completely, you will likely have to share holidays.<br><br>
Make sure that when it comes to sharing expenses (like uniforms, extra curricular stuff) that you pay based on percentage. If his income is 5X more than yours, he will have to pay 5X more his share of the extra expenses. Likewise, if you earn more, you will pay more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the input. Actually the holiday thing is no problem, my soon to be ex really could care less about them (its an interesting situation) .<br>
The paying different percentages is interesting though, I had not thought of that. It will be interesting to see what happens when we eventually go to court. If anyone else has any suggestions keep them coming! Thanks again!!!
 

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try to get childcare split for your court dates too! My attorney says it's not done I can only get work related <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I'd love to quote someone on that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Things and people can get weird at any point so I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that all goes well.
 

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What I learned is that nothing is too small to put into an agreement. You just never know. But the more you fine tune, the more money your lawyer makes! I have yet to go to court, so I don't have the big picture yet, but our agreement has a lot of conditions that were pretty standard that made sense. Stuff about college funds and what age ds will be considered emancipated, etc. We went through mediation, so it was our mediator that punched out a lot of those details. But lawyers probably have all that worked out as well.
 
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