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Last night ds(8) told my dh that a friend told him that babies are made by the man putting his penis in the woman's bellybutton. He suspected that that was erroneous information and asked how babies were made. When dh told him, ds became inconsolable crying. He said he wants to have babies with someone but the idea of putting his penis anywhere was horrifying to him.<br>
Ds is highly sensitive and very naiive, we like that about him.<br>
I told him that there were other ways to have a baby, but he didn't want to adopt, so I told him about invitro fertilization. That calmed him down and he was able to go to sleep.<br>
I told ds that he is welcome to talk to us anytime about making babies, but that he shouldn't talk to his friends about it.<br><br>
My question is, do I speak to this child's mother? I don't know her very well.
 

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I would, not to condemn her child, but let her know she has some erroneous information and she might want to have a talk with her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Well at least your child comes home with Hetro sexual questions. Mine is currently asking about gay sex. It's hard for them to understand sex in the first place, now this just makes it all more interesting to talk about lol.<br><br>
Our conversation yesterday,<br><br>
DS: Mom does marijuana make you gay?<br><br>
Me: What do you think gay means?<br><br>
DS: When two boys get naked and hug<br><br>
Me: Well what about Girls can they be gay?<br><br>
DS: Yes<br><br>
Me: Well Caden, You do not become gay from marijuana you are born gay or you are born straight, meaning you like girls or a girl likes a boy.<br><br>
DS: Mommy what is square?<br><br>
These are our conversations in the car. DH is mortified that he is asking these questions and wants to pull him from his school because of it. I told DH this happens at any school.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sebandg'smama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7946455"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Last night ds(8) told my dh that a friend told him that babies are made by the man putting his penis in the woman's bellybutton. He suspected that that was erroneous information and asked how babies were made. When dh told him, ds became inconsolable crying. He said he wants to have babies with someone but the idea of putting his penis anywhere was horrifying to him.<br>
Ds is highly sensitive and very naiive, we like that about him.<br>
I told him that there were other ways to have a baby, but he didn't want to adopt, so I told him about invitro fertilization. That calmed him down and he was able to go to sleep.<br>
I told ds that he is welcome to talk to us anytime about making babies, but that he shouldn't talk to his friends about it.<br><br>
My question is, do I speak to this child's mother? I don't know her very well.</div>
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About what?<br><br>
About the fact that their child doesn't know the mechanics of human reproduction? Yeah, if you feel like it.<br><br>
About the fact that their child is telling other people how babies are made? I fail to see how that's a problem (if the information is fundamentally correct).<br><br>
With all due respect, I think part of the problem here is that you made the choice not to broach the subject with your child long ago, so he is now in the uncomfortable position (for both of you) of getting erroneous and possibly harmful information from his peers on the playground.
 

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I gotta hang with Meg on this one. If it's treated as matter of fact that breasts are for feeding babies, babies come out the vagina, the penis puts it there, mamas have blood come out once a month if there is no baby, there's no big shock (they did see two daddy-long-legs back to back on the porch last night, & wouldn't believe me that it wasn't one long, incredibly hideous bug <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">. The legend of the pushmipullyoubegins!)
 

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My first thought was "How does an 8 year old not know where babies come from?" Has he been to a farm to see the lambing and not ask questions about the rams? For me it was always easier to talk about intercourse from an animal perspective and the mandrills at the zoo are always at it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> so we've had lots of opportunity from a young age.<br><br>
I do think that matter of fact conversations from a very young age, and books that they can look at on their own if they feel uncomfortable when they get older are necessary. My 6 year old recently asked for a book about vulvas. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> He is curious but knows he needs to give his sister her privacy in the tub!<br><br>
I'm not sure there is any reason to involve the other family- there is a lot of incorrect information going around in this world. Some parents encourage it. My neighbors don't want me to correct their 11 year old twin girls who think I nurse from my belly button. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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I remember learning about sex from the neighborhood kids. I was about 9 or 10, and the info was basically correct (if crude). I was horrified as well! Of course, I got over in time, lol.<br><br>
For me, this is now an amusing (but lucid) memory about how horrified I was by the mechanics of reproduction. And, partially because of that experience, I have been very open with dd (who started asking specific questions at 4--I was pg at the time). Having learned thru peers, I do think it is less shocking to learn from parents first. Esp because the peers are often aiming to shock, while the parents are generally aiming to be clear, accurate, and gentle.<br><br>
I might mention to the other mama that the child doesn't have the facts quite right. Otherwise, I wouldn't say anything.
 

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Sorry but I have to agree with the other posters. Saying something to the other parents really isn't going to do anything. Perhaps that's what they've told thier child, or perhaps the child heard it from someone else and got their info mixed up about the bellybutton.<br><br>
My 8yo and I had a conversation about a few of these topics the other night. She was asking me what sex was. I have explained it to her before, but I wanted to figure out if she was hearing anything at school or remembered what I'd told her. She was giggly and slightly embarrassed and didn't want to say but eventually did say she thought it was kissing. So we went over everything again, then the conversation ended with her asking me if her 9yo friends had their periods yet. There's no possible way I"d know, but I explained to her that most likely not for another couple of years but she'd have to ask her. Same with her asking if her 15yo cousin's had hers, except I told her yeah she most likely does have it. She'd have to ask Haley herself when it started.<br><br>
Some parents are not comfortable talking to their kids about any of it, some change the details a bit, others give it all.<br><br>
A friend of mine lives in a small pet farm. Their girls are 7, 9 & 12. They don't gloss over the details and since they have some horses the girls have seen that action. They've explained to their girls that the horses are humping, that's how the horses have foals and that adults do the same thing to get babies. Now they haven't gone into different positions. A year or 2 ago the 9yo said "you and dad have humped 3 times!". Last week I was on the phone with her and the 7yo came in the house wanting to know where babies come from because her 9yo sister told her they came from Pluto. The 9yo knows that's not true she was just bugging her sister with silly information.
 

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Hmm, how did your son not know in the first place? That's my big issue! You should have covered this when he was 4 or 5.
 

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Maybe I am in the minority here, but <i>why in the world does an 8yr old need to know about sex?!</i> PResumably he's not goign to be participating in it for some years yet.<br><br>
I was present for my first birth at age 3. More at 5, 7, 10, 13, 15....I knew how babies grew and how they came out. I knew about placentas and nursing and all that. I knew that sperm came out of the daddy's penis and got to the egg inside the mommy...but until my early teens, I thought the sperm just swam through the bedsheets to get into the mom--thus the phrase 'sleeping together' and the apparent shock of newly pregnant women on movies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> In my early teens I figured sex out for myself, and went and looked it up in a book to check if I was right (which I was). In my late teens, I was talking with my brother (then in his early teens) and he said "you know about sex?" and I said "yes" "well isn't it gross?" And you know, for a 13yo boy, I think that's a totally healthy perspective. I don't think a 13yo should be sexually active anyway.<br><br>
Anyway, we choose to just answer questions as they come up, but we don't proffer extra information as a general rule. Our older DS is almost 7, and we just had a baby a couple of months ago. DS had asked about things of course, so I explained things in a basic and simple way--daddy and mommy made the baby and put it inside mommy to grow. When it is ready to come out, mommy's uterus will start squeezing and pushing the baby down, and there is a little gate at the edge of her uterus which will open up and let the baby come down out the baby tunnel (we dind't want him repeating 'cervix' or 'vagina' at school). DS was present for baby's birth, and actually he kept telling the nurse and the doula (and then even the OB) about what was happening. IT was very cute. He knows that breasts are for feeding babies, and we wouldn't hesitate to answer any other specific questions he might ask...but we're not goign to sit down and discuss birds and bees with a child this young. He doesn't need to know--and truthfully, probalby doesn't want to know. Like the original poster said, her ds was really bothered by the idea of putting his penis somewhere...I'm sorry that he had to lose his innocense so young.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...we're not goign to sit down and discuss birds and bees with a child this young. He doesn't need to know--and truthfully, probalby doesn't want to know. Like the original poster said, her ds was really bothered by the idea of putting his penis somewhere...I'm sorry that he had to lose his innocense so young.</div>
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I'm so confused -- being present at a birth is fine, knowing about breastfeeding and sperm and uteri etc. is fine, but the one piece of the process that equals "losing innocence" is the fact that the father's penis goes inside the mother's vagina to put the sperm there? I totally don't get it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948143"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm so confused -- being present at a birth is fine, knowing about breastfeeding and sperm and uteri etc. is fine, but the one piece of the process that equals "losing innocence" is the fact that the father's penis goes inside the mother's vagina to put the sperm there? I totally don't get it.</div>
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yea,now just learning facts about sex is now losing your innocence?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: ...
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In my late teens, I was talking with my brother (then in his early teens) and he said "you know about sex?" and I said "yes" "well isn't it gross?" And you know, for a 13yo boy, I think that's a totally healthy perspective. I don't think a 13yo should be sexually active anyway.</div>
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I don't think that's a healthy perspective at any age, but particularly not at 13.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Like the original poster said, her ds was really bothered by the idea of putting his penis somewhere...I'm sorry that he had to lose his innocense so young.</div>
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I don't understand equating biological knowledge with loss of innocence. Ignorance and innocence are not the same thing in my book.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Maybe I am in the minority here, but <i>why in the world does an 8yr old need to know about sex?!</i> PResumably he's not goign to be participating in it for some years yet.<br><br>
I was present for my first birth at age 3. More at 5, 7, 10, 13, 15....I knew how babies grew and how they came out. I knew about placentas and nursing and all that. I knew that sperm came out of the daddy's penis and got to the egg inside the mommy...but until my early teens, I thought the sperm just swam through the bedsheets to get into the mom--thus the phrase 'sleeping together' and the apparent shock of newly pregnant women on movies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> In my early teens I figured sex out for myself, and went and looked it up in a book to check if I was right (which I was). In my late teens, I was talking with my brother (then in his early teens) and he said "you know about sex?" and I said "yes" "well isn't it gross?" And you know, for a 13yo boy, I think that's a totally healthy perspective. I don't think a 13yo should be sexually active anyway.<br><br>
Anyway, we choose to just answer questions as they come up, but we don't proffer extra information as a general rule. Our older DS is almost 7, and we just had a baby a couple of months ago. DS had asked about things of course, so I explained things in a basic and simple way--daddy and mommy made the baby and put it inside mommy to grow. When it is ready to come out, mommy's uterus will start squeezing and pushing the baby down, and there is a little gate at the edge of her uterus which will open up and let the baby come down out the baby tunnel (we dind't want him repeating 'cervix' or 'vagina' at school). DS was present for baby's birth, and actually he kept telling the nurse and the doula (and then even the OB) about what was happening. IT was very cute. He knows that breasts are for feeding babies, and we wouldn't hesitate to answer any other specific questions he might ask...but we're not goign to sit down and discuss birds and bees with a child this young. He doesn't need to know--and truthfully, probalby doesn't want to know. Like the original poster said, her ds was really bothered by the idea of putting his penis somewhere...I'm sorry that he had to lose his innocense so young.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm so confused -- being present at a birth is fine, knowing about breastfeeding and sperm and uteri etc. is fine, but the one piece of the process that equals "losing innocence" is the fact that the father's penis goes inside the mother's vagina to put the sperm there? I totally don't get it.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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I started teaching my daughter about life, including reproduction when she learned to talk. Its been an ongoing conversation with her for the last nearly 9 years. I do always let her know that she shouldn't talk about it with other kids because maybe their parents haven't been as open as I am with her, its the same talk I give her about not spoiling Santa Clause with other children even though we do not believe in that tradition ourselves. Its simply not her place to do it.<br><br>
That said, she's a kid and I'm sure she does talk sometimes. If anything, I think its great the other child has some basic knowledge of reproduction.. save for the entrance point. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
OP, I know you said you have a very sensitive child and I understand that.. but why have you not broached the subject with him before this? Its always better to give correct factual information before kids tell him incorrect things. And they will.<br><br>
I don't think this has anything to do with the other child or the other mom. I think this one lies more with you and your responsibility to teach your child about sex. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Thanks for all your responses.<br><br>
My ds was there for his sisters birth, he has his own fond memories about breastfeeding (he weaned at almost 5), he knows all the right names for his genitalia. He knows about birds, bees, and other animals mating.<br><br>
He thinks he doesn't have to kiss a girl (we've had the hetero/homosexual discussion and while he thinks it's ok for anyone to marry who they want, he thinks he'll marry a girl), that he is going to live with us when he is a grown-up and he and I will raise his kids together while his wife works. He is much more interested in emotions than the physical act.<br><br>
He loves fairies, trolls, Santa Claus, superheroes... that's just the imaginative state he's perpetually in. And I adore that about him! The down side is that his peers bring him down into reality hard and fast. So I choose to honour his pace, give him the information as he asks and help him process.<br><br>
Should I cover every imaginable topic "just in case" some other kid is going to talk to him about it? My dh works in child welfare, all he knows about that is Papa helps parents be better parents. He doesn't know that some kids are beaten, neglected and killed by their parents. How much information is too much?<br><br>
I don't believe in kids raising themselves and when other kids are saying hurtful things regarding race, gender or sexuality, I have spoken with the parents. I guess this falls into an unknown category for me of whether I need to broach the subject or not. It was wrong info, not hurtful. But that said, I would want to know what my kids are talking about in order to help them process.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In my late teens, I was talking with my brother (then in his early teens) and he said "you know about sex?" and I said "yes" "well isn't it gross?" And you know, for a 13yo boy, I think that's a totally healthy perspective. I don't think a 13yo should be sexually active anyway.</div>
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Well.....I do agree that 13 years shouldn't be sexually active, but you have to know that you won't get to make that decision for your 13 year old...right? Why would you not arm a 13 year old with the knowledge they need to protect themself if they do decide to have sex. Teaching abstinence or waiting is just fine, but the kids still need to information. My crew are being taught to wait until marriage, but I am also fully aware that they will make the decision themselves to wait or have sex as teens/before marriage. I see no point in sending them out into the world without the information they need to protect themselves b/c my values say they shouldn't be doing it anyway. That makes no sense to me at all.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sebandg'smama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948376"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Should I cover every imaginable topic "just in case" some other kid is going to talk to him about it?</div>
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The thing with *this* topic is, it is normal for kids to become fascinated by it and discuss it at a certain age. It has been happening for generations and generations. I think it is a pretty good bet that our children will hear about it from peers eventually. So, yeah, imo it is best to discuss it with them before that happens.<br><br>
I was that sensitive, naive child. Yeah, I was mortified by the facts--but I did get over it. Your ds will be fine! It would have been better if my parents had prepared me, but it wasn't scarring or anything.<br><br>
If ds is disturbed, and insists he would never do such a thing, it might be helpful to assure him that it is normal for a child to feel that way, and that he will likely feel differently when he is an adult. Dd knows about puberty, and the many changes it entails--including the way we feel about lovemaking and babymaking.<br><br>
And I agree with posters that knowing the birds and the bees does not equate with loss of innocence. Reproduction is natural and beautiful. Attitude (parent's attitude) can go a long way in a child's response to learning about sex.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>brightonwoman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Maybe I am in the minority here, but <i>why in the world does an 8yr old need to know about sex?!</i> PResumably he's not goign to be participating in it for some years yet.<br></div>
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Does he know about driving or buying a house? Presumably, he's not going to be participating in those activities for some years yet either. I fail to see the point you're making. Merely because a child will not engage in an activity until he is an adult is no reason to avoid the topic. I find this logic unconvincing.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">He knows that breasts are for feeding babies, and we wouldn't hesitate to answer any other specific questions he might ask...but we're not goign to sit down and discuss birds and bees with a child this young. He doesn't need to know--and truthfully, probalby doesn't want to know. Like the original poster said, her ds was really bothered by the idea of putting his penis somewhere...I'm sorry that he had to lose his innocense so young.</td>
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I fail to see what this has to do with "innocence." You're not sexually abusing the child, which would certainly represent a loss of innocence. Are you causing him to lose innocence (a quality we so far have not defined, I notice) when he sees violence? Why don't people get freaked out about that and play coy about describing hitting, killing, or causing other people pain?<br><br>
Sorry, but I frankly think this somewhat coy attitude is illogical -- as well as one which puts children at greater risk for sexual abuse. If they neither know the activity nor the names for it or what it's for, that makes it far easier for a pedophile to commit his crime.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>choli</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948315"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ignorance and innocence are not the same thing in my book.</div>
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Well said.
 
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