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I had a very difficult and long delivery. I had a lot of tearing and a lot of stitches. I had 3 postpartum visits b/c I was taking a long time to heal and they kept telling me to come back so they could check it again.<br><br>
Ds is 4.5 months now, and I wish I was all the way healed, but I don't think I am. We have tried sex several times, and it still hurts even though we use a lot of lubrication.<br><br>
Also... and this is embarrassing... air seems to get inside when we are in certain positions and makes very embarrassing noises!! Do y'all know what I'm talking about?<br><br>
I'm wondering if that "air noise" issue will resolve, if the pain will ever go away, and if I will ever feel "normal" again.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Can you relate?
 

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The um air is completely normal.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> It can take longer for some of us to heal. I wasn't ready before 4mths with any of mine, even when I hadn't had stitches. I think you will have a new normal but things will get better! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm 5 mo postpartum and I know *Exactly* what you mean! The "air" is from the stretching and in my case, rectal and urethra prolapses...Check them out online, feel free to contact me for more info and exercises and therapy I'm doing, etc.!
 

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Everything will be fine, don't worry. I had quite the tearing with ds. Sex was unbearable for a long time. Then it slowly started to get better. Now, at 16 months after the birth it is starting to be okay. A little painful at first, but not as bad. I don't know if this will give you hope or depress you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> It has taken a loooong time to even get this good. And now we're thinking of TTC soon and I'm afraid it will happen all over again! Poor dh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Anyway, my point is....give it time. It WILL eventually get better. And hopefully in less time than it has for me. My bigger problem is wrapping my mind around actually enjoying sex again. I'd been trying to avoid it for the past 16 months!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>twogreencars</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7940598"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The "air" is from the stretching and in my case, rectal and urethra prolapses...Check them out online, feel free to contact me for more info and exercises and therapy I'm doing, etc.!</div>
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what are rectal and urethral prolapses? are there exercises to promote healing? what do you mean, like kegels? and check it out online where?
 

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I totally relate. We're 12 mos pp and still not terribly comfortable not to mention I have no sex drive which doesn't help!<br><br>
Definitely interested in hearing more experiences. DD was a shoulder dystocia and I tore pretty badly. Nothing feels the same anymore and I'm not sure how to deal. Also, arousal still hurts... like when blood flow increases to that area, it becomes heavy and sore. Iknow kegels will probable solve this... i have to remember.<br>
I mentioned prolapse to the doctor who stitched me up but he said it wasn't that bad... what does he know.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rzberrymom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7940895"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know what you're going through! I had pain all the way until DD weaned! And then it was great again.</div>
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and how long was that?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>granolalight</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7940942"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and how long was that?</div>
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She weaned at just after 2 years. From about 6 months to age 2, I found it tolerable and kind of thought it would just never be the same again. And then it was. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I had pain until my menstrual cycles came back (at about 13 months pp) so I think the issue for me was definitely hormonal. The only thing that helped was a vaginal moisturizer, I think it was called replens. It was a daily thing not a sexual lubricant.
 

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I am 10 mos. pp and having the same issues following a third degree tear (that probably doesn't make you feel any better!). STILL no action over here. I've heard from people here and elsewhere that breastfeeding can add to the pain.
 

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With my first, I had a first degree tear and stitches, and it wasn't at all bearable until 4-5 months, and it didn't really feel *good* again until I got AF back (16 months!). This time, I didn't have that issue so much, although it's still not as good as when AF returns. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I didn't have stitches this time (did have the same tear).<br><br>
I imagine that with the trauma you had, it may just take a longer time to heal, but it really *will* heal and get better. So far, you sound completely normal. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I'm nearly 17 months PP, Have had my period back since December, and still don't have a drive or comfort on the rare occassions we have sex. You're not alone, and everything I've read says it will get better eventually, but it might take a while. *hugs*
 

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I feel for you- I think all of us who have had babies have gone through something similar. It will only get better and do try to remember that there's a psychological element at play- because it hurt before, your body has a natural reaction to tense up which makes pain more intense. Do whatever you can to be as relaxed and playful as possible and take breaks if you find yourself getting tense or nervous.<br><br>
Two product recommendations for you:<br><br>
1) very high quality, water-based, low-glycerine lubricant (keep in mind that they're not all the same and finding the right one for you will make all the difference) Here's my favorite: <a href="http://www.bootyparlor.com/add-magic-lubricant.html" target="_blank">Add Magic</a> The last thing you need is to use a lube that has a high glycerine content (many of them do so watch labels carefully) and for that to promote a yeast infection while you're trying to heal.<br><br>
2) Kegels will continue to help strengthen and heal you and there are tools that can help. <a href="http://www.bootyparlor.com/smart-balls.html" target="_blank">Smart Balls</a>
 

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God, I am so glad to read some of these replies! I was beginning to feel like I was definitely broken in some irrevocable way. I had a 3rd degree episiotomy, and although all the docs swear that I healed up great and they can't even tell I ever had stitches, the one time we did try to do it it was unbearable. Pain shooting up and back, both directions. That was 9 months pp. Now it's 10 months and I'm having a hard time psyching myself for that experience again! And we used plennnnnty of lube that time, to no avail.<br><br>
Hoping that when AF returns, things might improve...but also dreading that day, since being period free is pretty sweet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Kegels help and things get *seriously* easier once your period returns.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It'll get better and I know it seems like it never will.
 

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I had a 4th degree tear. After 6 months sex became bearable again. Now at 8 months it's very good, but it takes me a long time to get there, and I require lube ahead of time and then more on DH before penetration... My sex drive (and DH's too) isn't back to normal, but it is back.
 

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Moving to Birth and Beyond
 

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I think that one of the greatest disservices (among the many) done to new moms is the infamous "six-week-check-up-you're-all-clear-to-have-sex" You know what? Your body just did a huge and amazing thing of nourishing, sustaining and birthing a new human being into the world, and it takes much longer than six weeks to recover from. In the case of tearing and healing in that area, it may take longer (obviously). Even if the doctor gives the all clear and says you look like you healed well, there are so many factors that go into being ready to have sex again and hardly any of them are quantitative. And i know at least for me, the breastfeeding and the hormones that accompany it, are a huge deal in this area. Know what? Even after my two c-sections, where no 8lb baby so much as touched my vagina, it still hurt to have sex the first few times and didn't get good again till my cycles returned. Breastfeeding (and the lack of menstruation and low libido that generally accompany it) is nature's way of ensuring you don't get pregnant again too soon. It is your body's wisdom, you aren't broken. You still need time to heal and that is okay. Many hugs to you because i know it is such an adjustment <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Another vote for normal healing. I had a horrid episiotomy/tear that took forever to heal. Even after it *looked* healed, sex was excrutiatingly painful. It was many months before I could endure sex, and many more months after that before sex was enjoyable for me. I read something that mentioned that scar tissue can take about a year to really heal/settle. For me that was true - it was around 12 mos that sex started becoming enjoyable again. At 15 mos PP my son night weaned and my periods started again, and that's when everything truly felt normal to me.<br><br>
The up side: I'd say that eventually sex became better than pre-kids. Here's to the healing powers of the female body. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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