[durgamommy12901]

Hi there.<br>
I have a problem concerning my dd and her friend and my best friend who is her mother. My dd and her's were both doing this game where they were looking at eachother's vaginas with barbie dolls and playing a game called "instance" where it involved a knife cutting up the other girls vagina. Now i have no idea where they get these crazy ideas from or where this stuff comes from but kids come up with wacky stuff. Neither of them have been exposed to anything inappropriate or awful like that. And we always supervise them and make sure to keep in constant contact. They're both 6 and in Kindergarten. But my friend's dd did have a surgery to help her reflux when she was 3 1/2 and that involved doctors and her vagina so I thought that's where it might have come from. But of course my friend her mother denied that it could have anything to do with that and got really defensive and mad over it all.<br>
So what happened was my friend walked in on my dd holding a barbie over her 4 year old's penis with his pants down and his legs up in the air.<br>
We were all pretty shocked and upset. I asked my dd if she ever played that with anyone else and she first said no but then admitted to playing it with her other friend but they didn't take of their pants. She swears up and down that my friend's dd came up with the game one day before Christmas and asked her to take her pants down. Well my dd did and i was so upset about this because since she was 1years old i've talked to her about her privates and how no one is to touch her or look at her. That her body is just for her and that it's okay for her to touch and look at her body but nobody else....yada yada yada....we've had these conversations so many times....<br>
but yet this happens....what did i do wrong?<br>
Now I"m pregnant with our 3rd child almost ready to give birth and this happens a few weeks ago. And now since then she can't stop talking about sex and sex ed questions which i've handled great...got books, talk about it open and honest with her....and all that....she asks and i answer her straight.<br>
but our friendship with her friend isn't the same anymore because the other little girl is now always tattling on my dd and trying to make her out to be the bad one. My friendship isn't the same with the mother and we were best friends before and our kids were always together....so everything got so screwed up.....<br>
i don't know how to fix it and it's really bothering all of us. And my friend won't really talk about stuff with me or discuss anything about it without getting defensive. Now she's supposed to come to the birth and I kind of don't want her there and don't know how to say anything to her. This whole situation is messed up. Plus the girls go to the same school and we live up the street from them.<br>
help.<br><br>
Tiffany<br>
mama to Zoe 6 Lucien 4 and Dahlia Adeline due any time now

 

[salmontree]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
I couldn't read without responding.. I don't really have any good ideas about how to deal with talking to your friend about these sexual issues with the kids.. It's a shame that she can't talk about it without getting defensive.. These things are hard for some parents to know how to deal with. If I were you, and didn't want her to be at the birth, I would definitely say something. It's important that your birth be as stress free as possible. Maybe just tell her that as the birth approaches you are feeling more like having just your family there...<br><br>
I wish I had some more helpful suggestions about the other stuff.. I must say that when I read the girls were talking about cutting vaginas, that sent up major red flags.. It doesn't sound like something that they would just come up with on their own without being exposed to that idea by someone or something (inadvertently seen on t.v. maybe??) else..

 

[Emilie]

Hmmm...<br>
I don't know what to say....<br>
I do think it is usual play.<br>
I hate this stuff about parenting.<br>
About the birth- I would go to the friend and say- I feel we have some weird vibes resulting from the sex play issue. I have looked into it and this is what I found. We need to talk about this and clear the air....especially before the birth.<br>
I too was always the bad friend....<br>
Hugs mama<br>
Em

 

[Emilie]

it is NOT a long stretch to think of them- just if they had seen birth shows on tv or you even talking about episiotomys to your spouse or together- or in the car on the phone....<br>
Asking about it to your mw or whatever you know?<br>
Could that be it?

 

[AMagicalWishxoxo]

Ok i need to input on this.<br><br>
When I was younger I would play "Doctor" with my friends and we were very curious about our genitial areas. My parents or my friends parents would always find us. I would either get sent home or my friend would get sent home and my parents were very harsh about it. Ground me, punish me, and I didn't understand why. they never talked to me about it just punished me and after awhile I just didnt care I was having fun and curious stage. But from my view now, I really wish my parents did talk to me, because I became a bit of ashamed about my body. So what I am basically saying is, if you feel uncomfortable with what your daughter is doing then just sit down and talk to her but don't punish her or make it sound negatively bad of what she is doing. As for your friend, just talk to her and say that you were just worried and didn't know what was going on. Try and make your friendship back the way it was. It's always hard but it doesn't matter whos childs fault it is, they are just curious and its normal.<br><br>
<33 Italy

 

[Sydnee]

Aww momma, this exact same thing happened with us last year, I was ready to pop with babe #3, and I had two different instances with my DD who was 5 at the time exploring with 2 of my daycare kids who were 3 & 4. I sat down with all of them like you did, explained what is appropriate and what's not, and just let it go. Overall, she had 4 different "episodes", and I really think it's totally normal, and as long as we don't make it out to be a bad thing, it will be ok. And just to add, it wasn't just her initiating it, so that leads me to believe it is a normal thing for kids that age to do.