[tsfairy]

My mom has asked me to post this here about my niece because DN's parents are not sure how to handle this situation and they've asked my mom for advice, but she's not sure what to do either.

DN is 5yo and has recently become very interested in sexual exploration. Her parents keep finding her locked in a bedroom with one or more cousins or siblings (2-4 yo), performing very explicit sexual acts with each other. We think she's probably walked in on her parents on more than one occasion (parents aren't sure if she has or not), and combined with "normal" curiosity she's gone a few steps further than most kids. There's also a very remote possibility that she may have been abused by an uncle a few months ago, but nobody is sure whether anything happened.

Her parents get very upset when they find her "exploring", and they have tried to push the "blame" onto her cousins, i.e. the cousins get into trouble and their mother gets yelled at, but it's pretty obvious that DN is the one who is initiating these situations. My mom isn't sure what to say to DN's parents, since the usual "it's normal to explore" talk isn't working and she's not sure it applies in this situation. Any ideas for what she can say or what DN's parents should do or say to DN?

 

[angelpie545]

At this stage I would definately taker her to a counselor. This kind of explicit sex exploration may be a sign of something more serious. I'd find someone who deals with children and has a good reputation. While sex exploration is normal, explicit sex acts are not. Also, if you dn was abused, it's a good idea to get into counseling now as opposed to later, when it might be more difficult.

 

[LynnS6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tsfairy There's also a very remote possibility that she may have been abused by an uncle a few months ago, but nobody is sure whether anything happened.

So, what kind of follow up has this gotten? It is the responsibility of EVERY SINGLE ADULT who knows this child to make sure that she is safe. If there is a possibility that an uncle (!) molested her, she needs to be assessed. If the parents are in denial, then the rest of the family must step up.

This child needs to see a counselor. The parents need to see a counselor.

I would start with "I'm concerned because DN seems to be more interested in explicit sex kinds of things than a child her age usually is. Here are some phone numbers/websites to look at. Here's a number (locally) that you can call."

Here are a few to try:
http://childmolestationprevention.or...sed_child.html
http://www.childhelpusa.org/get_help...-phone-numbers

Here are Child Help USA's signs of sexual abuse (a child doesn't need to have all of them, but the first one is a big red flag for me, given what you've described!)

SEXUAL ABUSE
1. Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts
2. Nightmares and bed wetting
3. Drastic changes in appetite
4. Overcompliance or excessive aggression
5. Fear of a particular person or family membe

 

[tsfairy]

So what's the best way to follow up about the uncle? Is calling a reporting hotline the first step, even if it's just suspected? Should we just call CPS?

None of the older (more verbal) kids have reported anything odd. This is SIL's brother, who watched all 9 kids (my brother's 5 and my sister's 4) during the day for several months while the parents worked. He was neglectful and sullen and definitely not the best babysitter, but DN's behavior is really the first indicator we've had that he *may* have actually abused anyone.

Should we ask the older kids if they know anything?